


The Bodyguard

by soIiIoquy



Series: The Bodyguard [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Body Worship, Bottom Hux, Brendol's a bastard, Brief Mentions of Blood, Fluff, Fluffy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hux POV, Hux basically does his job for him too, Hux just needs a hug, Jealousy, Kylo POV, Kylo is actually sort of stable, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Violence, Mutual Pining, NOT from Kylo though, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Pining, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, excessive descriptions of clothing, liberties in Force interpretation, mentions of sexual abuse, some sick fic, there's just a serious amount of pining, top kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 10:59:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 51,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9892418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soIiIoquy/pseuds/soIiIoquy
Summary: Ben Solo disappeared at age 17, running from his family and every possible life he was being forced to chose from. Politician like his mother, pilot and smuggler like his father, or a Jedi like his uncle and grandfather before him.After changing his name to Kylo Ren and spending the last 8 years doing numerous varied jobs throughout the galaxy, Kylo accepted the possibly dangerous but incredibly lucrative position of bodyguard to the son of Senator Brendol Hux.Kylo quickly learned his new job was going to be both strange and challenging in ways he never expected.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> WOO, so, this here is my first kylux fic! But not only is it that, it’s the very first piece of writing I have ever finished beyond tiny little ficlets of only a few hundred to less than 2k words. Also probably some of my first real attempts at explicit content; so there are lots of firsts here. 
> 
> Now, initially I started this thinking—‘it’s only going to be a small thing, but it’s something.’ When I began writing I didn’t have a word count in mind, but I wasn’t expecting much. That went from ‘oh it’s over 12k; oh, it’s nearly 30k’ and here it is over 51k and somehow it’s still a small thing. _[[[ when i posted part one this is was 'over 45k', now it's over 51k...somehow i added 5-6k in edits ]]]_
> 
> Since it was written to be ‘small’, this whole piece is technically a oneshot, but with it being so long I decided to cut it up into three pieces. 
> 
> I’m actually kind of nervous about posting this, but I hope someone will enjoy it no matter how simple and ‘small’ and kinda cliché it may be. <3

 

**_\---///---_ **

 

_Like a star, so brilliant and impossible, I couldn’t cast my eyes away. No matter how it hurt me, no matter how deep the burn. I was so enraptured by the brilliance I knew I’d fallen past the point of no return._

 

**\---///---**

 

It had been nearly twenty minutes and Kylo’s always less than exemplary patience level was precariously close to snapping. He’d managed to keep himself from pacing like a caged animal, but not quite from lapping in a quiet line from one end of the room to the other.

Kylo had only just arrived at the Senator’s estate less than two hours ago and after some mind numbing reiterations of his new job description while on a basic tour of the house and grounds, the older woman handed him a comm unit and personal datapad. He was then directed to wait in the room he now resided in. The space wasn’t extensive, clearly not meant for large gatherings; it was nicely furnished with simple dark pieces, a small crimson rug beneath the centered furniture, and the light grey carpet everywhere else lacked the depression of extended wear, appearing soft and perfectly clean. The entire room appeared tidy in fact, absurdly so, as if it were a mere display that was hardly ever touched except on the occasions taken to brush away flecks of dust. Or one like Kylo was currently in.

The set up seemed unnecessary. Kylo didn’t see why he couldn’t have simply met the man when he arrived so he could settle in and then get right to work. No, instead he was told to wait for the Senator who Kylo was assured would arrive shortly. Well shortly was over twenty minutes ago, and Kylo was getting antsy. 

He made sure to remind himself that the job wasn’t going to be fast paced by any means, and standing around would likely be a common occurrence. Kylo knew that would be the case when he accepted the possibly dangerous but incredibly lucrative position of bodyguard to the son of Senator Brendol Hux. Dangerous only because there was a chance he could run into his mother, being so closely connected to the Senate now, but lucrative because the job surely wouldn’t be more than glorified babysitting for a lot of money and included accommodations.

Keeping that in mind helped, but not by much.

The first five minutes Kylo flicked through the preset information on his new datapad. Two maps of the estate, one broad and the other in-depth, an application to create and arrange schedules, a messaging app for both text and visual, a direct link to the holonet—a password and username already set for him—, and a directory with a few connections already listed.

At first Kylo considered trying to access the holonet to find something to entertain himself, but then decided against it. First of all, he didn’t want to be caught browsing the net when his new employer arrived—whenever the kriffing hell that was going to be—and secondly, he didn’t yet know whether he would be monitored. It wasn’t as though Kylo was going to search for porn while he waited, but he wasn’t going to be waiting forever.

Kylo didn’t exactly have what some would consider a life, not a traditional one anyway, but what he had suited him for the most part. He didn’t and wouldn’t be in a relationship for numerous reasons, so it made perfect sense that porn was often his companion in situations like the one he was in now. Seeing as Kylo wasn’t entirely certain how long this job would take, he knew he was going to have to devise a way to bypass that problem later on.

Once the forty-five minute mark hit, Kylo had been meditating for nearly ten minutes after he’d managed to calm himself enough to sit still. He didn’t do it nearly as much as he should, but meditation always brought about old memories and poked at wounds that never really healed.

Nearly an hour passed and finally Kylo sensed someone approaching. In fact, he noticed the presence of two people nearing the room, both strong, one bold and the other thick with experience.

When they entered, Kylo didn’t turn to acknowledge them and merely remained in his seat.

“Ah, Mr. Ren.” Now Kylo stood, turning to face the man with the firm, confident voice. “My meeting ran late, so I apologize if you’ve been waiting long.” His tone suggested he wasn’t the least bit contrite.

Senator Brendol Hux stopped almost exactly two feet away from Kylo, his posture straight and his hands locking behind his back. Kylo wasn’t sure if he was to expect a handshake or some other form of greeting, but seeing as none was presented, he didn’t make any gesture himself.

“You needn’t apologize to me, sir.” Kylo responded, offering up something he believed the man wanted to hear. The expectation of deference was rather apparent.

Hardly a minute or two had gone by, but Kylo was already creating a picture of the man in his head, one below the exterior. So far, the Senator was practically textbook. He was tall, though not as tall as himself, an average but sturdy build and sure stance; the boldness Kylo had sensed was just as evident in his appearance as it was in his presence. His mind was very clear and active, the kind that never truly slept, although Kylo refrained from touching past even the smallest layer, the lightest brush. Delving into minds was never something Kylo, no _Ben_ , had enjoyed in his training despite being skilled at it, and Kylo preferred to use it only when absolutely necessary. Of course accidents happened, but nothing that had ever gotten him caught.

In essence, the Senator struck him as being just as aloof and self-assured as Kylo had been told, a cool air of superiority practically radiating off him.

They were openly eyeing one another, analyzing, cataloging, speculating. Kylo would have continued, however he soon noticed the second presence he’d detected earlier was no longer near the door but swiftly and silently making their way toward him. He could taste the test before the person, who was no doubt the Senator’s own bodyguard, had even made their move.

Twisting on his heel abruptly, Kylo caught the wrist of the hand holding the vibroblade, jerked the limb harshly down and thrust his wide palm against the man’s chest, forcibly shoving him backward. All in the flash of a second or two. Normally that would have downed the average assailant, knocked the air from their lungs before they fell hard onto the floor where they’d heave, but the man quickly rolled onto his feet and soon stood tall. Despite the man’s rapid recovery, Kylo inwardly grinned at the man’s slight slump and well-hidden breaths; his hit was clearly effective nonetheless.

“Hm,” the Senator hummed behind him.

Kylo turned, catching the appraising glint in the man’s icy blue eyes.

“Does he meet your standards, Bailin?”

The second man, Bailin apparently, the Senator’s bodyguard, came to stand at the taller man’s side, his thick arms crossed and his own scrutiny intense. Kylo could make out a warring tangle of impressed, pleased, and an uncertainty leaning toward unease in the combined presses of his eyes and leaking emotions. Suddenly, he gave a tight nod.

“He’ll do.”

Kylo wanted to frown at the man’s blasé attitude and timbre, but restrained himself, something he knew he’d need to work on while there.

“Good.” The Senator nodded himself. “Now, as you know, you shall be taking up the guard position for my son.”

Silently, Kylo crossed his arms and bobbed his head along in understanding, tolerating the restatement only because the Senator was essentially his boss.

“I hope I don’t have to stress the significance of your job, Mr. Ren. My son is very important to me and you should consider his care and protection to be your utmost priority in every way.”

The Senator spoke with clipped, stern words, even and pointed. There was a mixture of intent in his statement, a challenge and a threat laced amongst them that made Kylo bristle slightly, but he held back any remarks. He supposed he couldn’t fault a father for wanting to protect his son, however impassive that father might be. Though that thought only bit Kylo harder, yet in a somewhat different way.

“I understand, sir,” Kylo said after a brief few seconds passed, an air of expectation urging him to speak. "I’ll protect him with my life."

“Good,” he said again. “Ah, finally.”

Kylo hadn’t noticed at first in his sudden skirmish with old internal wounds, that another pair had been heading toward the room. Just after the Senator had replied, the door the two men had once entered opened again, letting in the sound of voices conversing calmly outside.

Unlike before, this time Kylo turned to face the entrance where he felt a very strong, very bright presence radiating in the Force, practically engulfing the small one of the person they spoke to. After apparently dismissing the other, the presence entered, revealing a man that looked as radiant as he felt.

“Armitage, you’re late.”

“I apologize, father. I was unexpectedly delayed.”

“Hm, well, nevermind that now. Come, meet your new bodyguard.”

The man walked with a controlled elegance that was somewhat hypnotic. He had kept his gaze on his father the entire time he made his way to stand beside the older man, Armitage’s height just slightly beating him. When he fully faced Kylo, a pair of piercing green eyes locked on him.

It had been a long time since Kylo felt as though someone could see into him, and this man had a ferocity in his gaze that was made even more unsettling since he wore a clearly unimpressed, if not bored look, the countenance evident from head to toe. It roused Kylo’s curiosity at what this man might look like when angered if he could manage such a presence when simply bored. Although, Kylo couldn’t actually say for sure if that _was_ how Armitage felt or not. His mind was loud, active and strong like his father’s, but there was an untamed nature Kylo couldn’t pin down. The man didn’t radiate chaos but neither was he organized, as his appearance and manner suggested. It frustrated Kylo that he couldn’t get more from the man, but he was as closed off as he was overflowing, and while Kylo was terribly curious, he would not break his mindreading rule.

Armitage assumed a posture much like his father, straight, steady, and hands at the back. In some ways they mirrored one another greatly, but all that resemblance appeared to be tied into their presence, in the way they held every part of themselves. Other than that, Armitage could be a stranger.

Unlike the blue of the Senator’s eyes, his son’s were green, yet they were as pale and cool as his father’s. Rather than the greying sandy brown of the Senator’s hair, his son had a crown of brilliant red with a golden highlight. The ginger hair was parted to one side and styled simply, slicked back, though not as short or tight as his father’s was, allowing some body and flow. Where the Senator had a predominantly average build, Armitage was slender, and that lean form made him seem elegant and ever taller. Considering the rest of him, that elegance wasn’t all too surprising. The Senator had a decently handsome—somewhat averagely so—face, rugged in places, and over all suited him. But Armitage…Armitage was both handsome _and_ beautiful. His features were delicate yet sharp, his strong cheekbones and confident brow were as cutting as the eyes beneath, but his hair, while vibrant, looked silky, his full pink lips soft, and his skin surely smooth to the touch.

Kylo had been to many places, seen many people, beautiful and handsome, and touched several such persons as well, but none had ever tied his tongue or stolen his breath.

“What’s your name, bodyguard?” Armitage asked, his voice clipped and accented like his father’s, but the quality was more pleasant to the ear.

Strangely, the Senator said nothing despite knowing Kylo’s name. Vaguely annoyed, though he kept it and his mild confusion hidden, Kylo answered as evenly as he could manage.

“Kylo Ren.”

A pale eyebrow raised, Armitage looking him up and down again.

“Kylo Ren?” He sounded incredulous.

“Yes?”

The ginger kept his brow raised at Kylo’s response. A stupid response really; as if he wasn’t sure of his own kriffing name. Somehow, Kylo felt like the man was saying that all in his gaze. Mocking him without mocking him.

“Hm,” Armitage hummed with another glance. “Very well.”

“Excellent,” the Senator abruptly announced. “Get the man settled in, Armitage, and don’t be late to dinner tonight.”

Armitage inclined his head tightly in acknowledgement. “Of course, father, I’ll be there.”

The Senator turned to leave, nodding a passing, “Mr. Ren,” to Kylo as he went, the older man’s bodyguard following a few steps behind like a stoic shadow.

Kylo watched as the thick door fell shut, leaving him and his new charge alone together. Feeling foolishly anxious, Kylo looked back to Armitage and saw the man still observing him, though his posture was eased more so than before and his expression a tad more open.

Flicking green eyes back up at his own, Armitage said more than asked, “Your name is actually Kylo Ren.” This time the incredulity was edged with what Kylo swore was amusement.

In spite of himself, Kylo’s lips twisted in a frown, “ _Yes_ , that’s my name.”

That same pale brow raised at Kylo’s tone. “Alright, if you’re sure.” Armitage shrugged casually and turned to go to another door on the opposite side of the room.

“Why wouldn’t I be sure of my own name?”

Armitage didn’t answer, he simply waved a hand forward as he stepped out the door and passively ordered that Kylo come along.

He bristled at that, but hurried to join up beside the man.

They walked at a brisk but easy pace, their similarly long legs allowing them to match strides. Kylo didn’t notice, but as they went along their steps fell in sync and their shoulders were barely half a foot apart. When they reached what must be their destination, Kylo was both awed and wholly unsurprised by the large set of double doors, both parting to reveal a small antechamber before another set led into a larger room with even more doors inside it.

Armitage strode through to a comfortable looking sitting area and picked up a white packet from a glossy table centered in the space.

“Here,” Armitage said.

Kylo jerked his attention away from the room to catch the small package that the man had barely handed to him as he went right past Kylo and toward a near chest high cabinet.

“What’s this?”

He opened the flap and looked in, finding several pieces of flimsi. Armitage didn’t bother to face him, nor tell him, as he seemed to have gathered Kylo would have already looked.

“They’re all labeled,” he commented evenly.

Kylo slid one of the sheets out and skimmed over the content, all appearing to be a list of codes, some of which were color-coded. Confused, Kylo looked back up. The man had removed what appeared to be alcohol of some sort, and had filled a small tumbler two fingers full already.

“Why are you giving me flimsi?” Kylo asked. “Why wasn’t any of this sent to the datapad I was given?”

Armitage took a sip of his drink, “Well, for one, codes to any room in this house are confidential. Once anything is digital it can be traced. That list has the codes for the next four months; they change every week. Although only half the estate is modernized.”

Kylo was back to staring at the codes.

“Second, while you _had_ been given the job, you hadn’t yet secured it.” Armitage took another swallow and moved around from the sleek piece of furniture. “I’m sure you figured that out by now, yes?” The man spoke as though with a smirk, but Kylo couldn’t see it.

Nonetheless, Kylo frowned, sensing the tone and thus intent regardless of what the man’s features said. “This isn’t my first job as a bodyguard. I’m well aware of the way things work.”

Armitage was standing a few feet from him, one arm around his torso while the elbow of the other leaned into it, his lips hovering at the rim of his glass.

“I suppose we’ll see, won’t we?”

That time Kylo was positive he caught a smirk curling just behind the gleam of the crystal before the man took a final gulp of whatever brown liquid was in the glass.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

It was the evening of Kylo’s fourth day serving as the bodyguard to Senator Hux’s son and so far Kylo didn’t know what to make of the man he spent so many hours of his day with.

Usually Kylo was quite good at reading people—the Force admittedly helped with that, even if he avoided reading minds. Within seconds, minutes, sometimes hours of meeting a person he could pick out and guesstimate various aspects of them, creating a picture in his mind without being in theirs. But Armitage…no, Hux. _Hux_. Kylo didn’t mess up often—not for a long while at least—, but the morning of his first official day at work and second since meeting his new charge, the man made it very clear that he was _not_ to be called Armitage. Kylo could call him Hux and _only_ Hux.

In some ways, just as Kylo had observed when he’d first met Hux, the man and his father shared many similarities all in how they presented themselves, how they spoke, how they acted. Kylo wanted to say he expected a younger copy of the Senator, but Hux seemed obstinate to fit properly into the mold.

When Hux seethed somehow both cold and burning behind a piercing glare that actually gave _Kylo_ a chill, Kylo was yet again finding Hux with new edges that continued to make pinpointing him difficult. It certainly didn’t help that Hux swept the expression away as fast as it came and the brilliance of his presence in the Force, one that faltered sharply only for the briefest of moments, returned to normal as well. The man seemed capable of hiding from even Kylo, from the _Force_ for fuck’s sake. Hux was as unreadable as he was in the beginning, and somehow became more so the longer Kylo was around him. It was supposed to be the opposite. _That’s how things worked._

Kylo flexed his hands where they were pressed beneath his upper arms, his limbs crossed against his chest as he leaned along the wall, quiet and alone for the moment while he basically waited for Hux to return from using the fresher.

The night Kylo had arrived, Hux had sent him a schedule for the next week an hour after they’d already parted ways, everything organized and broken down into the most specific of timetables. The man woke at 0630, he readied himself and appeared at 0715, he took breakfast alone at 0730, and on and on and on. Kylo wasn’t sure if he found it helpful or annoying, and he had already been expecting such a thing anyway.

With a roll of his eyes, bumping his head against the wall behind him, Kylo supposed it was more to do with the fact that Hux started his days so _early_. Kylo obviously kept an assortment of sleep styles due to his various jobs, a standard set for whatever vocation he had at the time. The last job Kylo had before becoming Hux’s bodyguard was smuggling and smuggling jobs could have the most erratic hours. So being forced to go from that to such an early, arranged pattern was a jarring experience.

Meaning the morning after Kylo’s first day, his first night there having passed, Kylo had not been his level best. And though he’d tried to hide it, Hux was just as perceptive as Kylo had once noted and the man had picked up on it quickly. Also, as Kylo believed he recognized earlier as well, Hux had seemed to smirk, his voice a bit softer and more at ease when not around others, yet no less even, and with the change came the edge Kylo suspected was mocking.

He had tried to keep himself in check, but that attempt dissolved fast, and Kylo had responded much as he’d done when they’d first met. Bristling with a frown. It wasn’t much longer after that strange back and forth that Kylo stepped onto whatever secret mine the man’s first name was, and Hux had disappeared into his room. When he’d emerged, just as scheduled, it was as if nothing had happened. The only difference was Kylo making a giant mental note with ‘Hux’ written on it to place over Armitage.

Honestly, Kylo didn’t get what Hux’s deal was with the name. Yes, it was a bit unusual, a name he probably would have teased the man about had their situations been different—though really, the galaxy was full of strange and even absurd names—, however, looking at Hux, hearing the name applied to him a few times, the name just _fit_ him. He looked like an Armitage, that the name was _his_ , but then again he also looked like a Hux.

Heaving out a deep sigh, Kylo sagged further along the wall but soon jerked straight when he felt the brilliance of Hux nearing him.

Hux emerged silently from his room, heading toward the sitting area rather than back to the desk he’d been at before. Working on something or other that Kylo was sure he couldn’t care less about, which only made him all the more bored.

“Finally,” Kylo scoffed softly, thumping his head back against the wall.

Hux arched a brow at him, “I didn’t realize I was keeping you from your busy schedule.”

“My schedule is your schedule.”

“And I have an hour and a half before I’m due to be anywhere, in accordance with said schedule.” Hux tipped his head toward Kylo just slightly, glancing at him as he walked past from a few feet away.

“Yeah, fine, but you took way longer than usual and I can already tell you are wired by those schedules of yours.”

Hux paused to look directly at him. “Is that a question, then?”

Kylo hadn’t actually voiced his question, but seemingly like always Hux was a step ahead of Kylo’s own thoughts. Sometimes Kylo wondered who between them was really the mind reader.

“I suppose it is.”

He reclined more leisurely against the wall, his gaze pointed as he tightened his crossed arms, knowing it made his muscled limbs look more impressive and intimidating. Granted, neither of those things had ever made the slightest difference around Hux so far, so Kylo didn’t know why he bothered beyond, perhaps, habit.

“I was caught up in some reading,” Hux remarked.

“What were you possibly reading in there?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “I read in my room, not the fresher. I had merely received some content to a research project of mine and I was eager to review it.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed. Hux was literally just working before he got up to use the refresher, why bother to do more in the room and not at the desk where he’d spent the better part of three kriffing hours already?

The ginger seemed to be faintly amused, that mocking edge to his person that he sometimes wore around Kylo.

Giving in to his curiosity, Hux clearly waiting for him to get on with it, Kylo asked, “If you were just doing more work, why stay in your room and not return to your desk?”

The glint that flashed in Hux’s green eyes was telling in a way that Kylo just knew would end up irritating him somehow.

“It was sensitive material. It warranted a certain amount of privacy.”

Kylo kept their eyes fixed, not looking away from Hux’s more casual gaze, though his was suspicious and firm. “I know I’m just a bodyguard and not privy to whatever nonsense politicians do, but do you honestly think I care about whatever secrets you were reading up on?”

Hux’s lips curled up in a small but noticeable smirk, “I don’t know, _Ben_ , would you?”

The second that name, _the name_ , fell from Hux’s mouth Kylo froze up. He had to dig his nails into his palms so deeply he could feel the slick warmth of blood on his fingertips so his powers didn’t assert themselves in the sudden eruption of emotions that flooded Kylo.

His wide eyes soon narrowed, his lips twisted in a furious grimace as he bit back a growl. “ _How?_ ” That was all he could manage.

Hux shrugged. “I was curious. You begged a question, and I don’t like unanswered questions.”

Kylo’s frown deepened, his voice no longer restraining itself as he did snap back. “And did you satisfy your fucking curiosity?”

The man’s expression shifted just so, his small smile became a tad darker, almost bitter perhaps, as he answered, “I’m never satisfied.” Then he looked away and the change seemed to vanish both on his features and in his voice as though it had never happened. One of Hux’s frustrating talents. “I don’t think I can quite say my curiosity was placated, no, but I’m content enough with what I did find.”

Hux’s admission beat out Kylo’s earlier interest in puzzling Hux’s flick of expression beforehand. Kylo thought it suggested that Hux only found _some_ things, but not all. Which meant Kylo’s efforts in wiping himself out hopefully did succeed, or at least enough to conceal what would be genuinely damning. If Hux knew he was Ben Solo, a _Skywalker_ , there was no way Hux wouldn’t have made mention of that. So that lead Kylo to believe his first name had somehow leaked into what wasn’t covered, or not covered enough. Interestingly, it made Kylo wonder just how deeply Hux had managed to dig if he’d found that, a slip in the real buried content of Kylo’s long forgotten past.

While Kylo had been turning over the possibilities in his mind, Hux had gone to sit in one of the armchairs in the circle of the sitting room, the deep red chair facing Kylo’s direction and allowing them to maintain eye contact.

His feelings now fluctuating wildly between anger, apprehension, and intrigue, Kylo moved closer to where Hux sat, keeping their eyes locked. Kylo quickly felt as though he should speak again, the ginger always exuding an air of expectation—much like his father—, but Kylo was saved the opportunity to stumble or condemn himself when Hux spoke instead.

“You needn’t worry, Ren.” Hux reclined much like a monarch on a throne, long legs crossed, a finger at his temple with his elbow leaning lightly on the arm of the chair.

Definitely curious now, Kylo tilted his head, a dark brow quirked questioningly. “And why is that?”

The man gave one of his careless shrugs, small and poised. “I have no interest in your past, Ren. It’s past for a reason and should have no bearing on you doing your job here.”

That ignited Kylo’s anger again, but it was mollified just a little by his surprise. “Then why the hell did you snoop if you could care less about it?” The ire was still apparent in his voice even if he’d restrained himself.

Hux remained as unintimidated as ever by Kylo’s overbearing presence, the resentment and frustration palpable. Instead, a small grin grew on his full lips.

“I told you, Ren. I was curious. Information is what I do, and I like having it whether I find the content of value or not.”

“So you like to make it your business to be in everybody else’s.”

“If I can, why not be? It certainly makes things entertaining,” Hux said with his faint grin still evident.

Grimacing, Kylo accused sharply, “Life’s just a kriffing game to you, isn’t it?” He swiftly snapped his mouth shut before ‘you spoiled brat’ came out, but the tone implied it regardless.

Just as he always seemed to, Hux could no doubt tell, but he made no acknowledgement of it.

“Life _is_ a game, Ren, and I like to make sure I have all the cards in my hand and know every piece on the board.” Hux’s small smirk had curled a little more, turning mischievous, his pale eyes gleaming and dangerous.

Kylo hadn’t noticed how during the conversation he had ended up standing right before the man. He was towering over Hux from barely a foot away and yet, even while looking up at Kylo’s broad six foot three self, Hux appeared as if Kylo might as well have been kneeling before him like a subject instead. In fact, Kylo was sure that’s exactly how Hux saw him.

“Now,” Hux broke the silence, “Rather than stand around like a brooding statue, why don’t you make yourself useful and bring me some tea.”

Kylo frowned with a roll of his eyes. He’d been right, but that didn’t mean he was going to play the role. Jaw still tense, Kylo said, “I’m your bodyguard, not your servant.”

“I don’t see why you can’t be both.” Hux shrugged a narrow shoulder, then grinned slightly, teasing and challenging in one. “You’re hardly doing anything but taking up space otherwise.”

Narrowing his eyes, Kylo countered, “I’m guarding you. It’s not always gonna be an action holo.”

“Then guard while fetching me some tea during this lull between scenes,” the ginger replied, grabbing a book from the small side table next to him, looking smugly amused in that faint way of his that made Kylo want to slap him.

Rather than move one inch, Kylo held his ground. “Fetching tea does not fall within the purview of my job description.”

“Hm,” Hux looked at him with a faux expression of thoughtfulness. “If I recall correctly, your orders were to make my care your utmost priority.”

Kylo frowned deeply. “You’re twisting your own father’s words.”

Hux remained unimpressed with Kylo’s continually imposing presence in his space, yet was still vaguely amused. “No, I’m inferring from the broad delivery.”

Kylo’s lip twitched, resigned but furious all the same. “With you, what’s the difference?”

The pale green of Hux’s eyes narrowed just slightly. “Off to it then, Ren.”

Narrowing his own gaze, Kylo leaned closer and replied in a low voice, “As you wish, _Armitage_.”

Hux scowled quickly at the stressed name, his eyes sharpening into venomous needles.

Satisfied with his triumph, Kylo stepped back with a smug grin and went to fetch his ginger majesty his precious kriffing tea.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

Kylo stared at himself in the mirror of his personal fresher, examining his new clothing.

It had been about nine days now since he began this glorified babysitting job and tonight the Senator was hosting a banquet, one of the many get together events it seemed all the wealthy influential members of society arranged and took part in. Kylo remembered someone bringing that up to him earlier in the week, that such things were a common occurrence. What no one told him until Hux casually mentioned it was that Hux was usually the representative for his father, who only attended such things on rare occasion.

When Kylo had learned of that he’d felt himself paling, his stomach tensing. That would mean Kylo wouldn’t just have to suffer whenever an event was held at the Hux estate, it meant Kylo would have to travel with Hux to wherever the get together was had. Just thinking about it made his skin crawl. Kylo did not like crowds, he did not particularly care for the type of people who frequented those parties, and worst of all it only increased his chance of accidentally running into his mother. A possibility Kylo had resigned himself to, however apprehensively, in favor of the worthwhile position he now held. But he hadn’t thought to expect that Hux would attend events. Although, if Kylo thought about it, it made sense. Hux was young, twenty-seven according to the dossier on the man Hux had given him on Kylo’s first day, and Hux was no doubt being groomed for a position in the Senate like his father.

Kylo adjusted his jacket. While he was hesitant at first, the jacket hadn’t turned out to be something ghastly like Kylo had feared upon seeing the package on his bed the night before. The cloth was thick and black, the front hem reaching a little below the hip at the start of the zipper and gradually lengthening from front to back until not quite mid thigh; in some ways it resembled a robe crossed with a tunic. It zipped closed all the way up his broad chest asymmetrically, beginning at his hip and reaching to nearly his right shoulder. The wider half formed a triangular shape, the top of the close as the point, going up along his collarbone until forming one side of the short collar, the other side coming up straight and creating another much smaller triangular shape in the remaining space at his neck. Beneath he wore a thin black tunic, the collar high and covering much of his neck, almost hiding that space if not for the different textures of the jacket and shirt causing a marginally noticeable shift in the shades of black.

His trousers were black as well—his entire ensemble was in fact—the cloth was sturdy and tailored like the jacket, fitting better than any trousers he’d ever owned in fact. His boots were smooth leather, the brim reaching mid-calf; Kylo was very pleased not to see some polished monstrosities, but instead ones similar to a pair of his own, just, nicer.

Along with a pair of leather gloves, that, while nice, were really too new and felt stiffer than he liked, there was a thick belt to cinch around his waist. The leather was similar to that of the boots, smooth, good quality but not ostentatious, the clasp was dark metal and looked more complicated than it truly was—a choice no doubt made purely for aesthetics. He was able to attach a blaster to it, a weapon he was never fond of but kept all the same because it was part of the job. Then, strapped to his legs, he attached his own weapons, the ones he actually used when need be. He had a vibroblade on each thigh and a smaller one in each boot, and secured on his right wrist he had a small metal hilt, a sort of miniature lightsaber he kept on hand for absolute emergencies. Kylo was sure he’d never need it, but having it with him was both a habit and a comfort.

Finally, and a bit absurdly, at the point where Kylo’s jacket zipper reached, the silver of the tangs expertly hidden beneath an indistinguishable flap of the jacket’s hem, was a small but evident symbol. The patch of sorts kept the zipper end hidden beneath it. The hexagon’s border was a thin white line against another of red, then within the black space was a line of white forming a perfect circle with almost needle-thin spikes protruding inward.

Unsurprisingly, Kylo had never seen a symbol like that and as far as he knew Hux’s family didn’t have a coat of arms. When Kylo asked about the gifted clothing, he then brought up what the meaning of the hexagon was as it clearly distinguished his attire despite the rest being simple and black. Hux explained that he had created the symbol many years ago and considered it to be a sort of personal crest. By wearing it, Hux was basically pointing out that Kylo was his.

At the time, Kylo remembered a strange and unexpected fluttering in his gut when Hux said that Kylo belonged to him. He hadn’t gotten much time to dwell on it or decipher it either, because Hux continued as casually as he had been. Saying, that way when people noticed the giant brooding statue of black they would know he wasn’t a dark menace crashing the event, but merely Hux’s silent and surly bodyguard.

Kylo had narrowed his eyes with a frown at Hux and his smirk as he’d said that.

But now, as Kylo examined himself more closely, he felt that flutter come back, his cheeks looking just faintly pink, almost matching the tint of his facial scar, as he remembered that Hux had ordered these clothes for him. That Hux, both knowing the man and knowing that Kylo himself had difficult proportions, it meant the man must have personally arranged for the clothing to be tailored, estimated his measurements to perfectly fitted yet comfortable exacts. As he took it all in, Kylo even realized how similar everything was, not just the boots, to articles he already owned.

Did Hux notice all this? How?

A bemused crease marred Kylo’s brow as he ran his palm slowly along the fabric of his torso.

It was exactly times like these that spun Hux off kilter for him and left Kylo back at the beginning to rearrange pieces and try to find a way to get Hux to fit somewhere.

After several minutes quickly settling his mind with meditative breathing, Kylo reopened his eyes, schooled his features, and nodded to himself. He could do this. He would survive. All Kylo had to do was keep his focus on the brilliant glow of Hux in the Force, the pulse of his active mind loud and familiar already, and let the rest of the world fade to a soft static.

Kylo was out in the sitting room before Hux, which didn’t surprise him, so he went to wait by the anteroom doors, leaning against the wall as he often did when in the same situation. Waiting on Hux.

Less than ten minutes later the door to Hux’s room swung open, causing Kylo to jerk his head to attention as he’d been working on meditating briefly again to keep his anxieties down.

Hux was…well, he wasn’t exactly dressed as Kylo might have expected. Hux always had an elegance to his attire despite its simplicity, and it wouldn’t have been a surprise if the man wore something in the same realm, but more on the formal side. So the alterations to that were what made Kylo tilt his head in confusion.

The ginger hair was parted much as always, off to one side, but it was softer than usual in its style. His fringe swept across his forehead and other loose strands brushed by his cheekbones to better frame his face along with his sideburns. Complementing his eyes he wore a rich emerald green tunic with a high collar, the style looking much like the one Kylo wore. Over that was a tailored black jacket, the collar short and taut, the stays to close the piece were hidden and the visible but simple seem of the close ran down the right side of Hux’s chest, the hem reaching the top of his thighs. At the sides there was darting to accentuate the elegant lines of his slender frame, and the shoulders were a bit sharper to broaden the narrowness of Hux’s natural ones. What was most surprising about the jacket, which otherwise wasn’t entirely as unexpected, was that the sleeves cutoff midway, with the cuff ending at the crease of the arm then continuing into a point an inch or so past the elbow, a line of three gleaming black buttons on the outer edge. This allowed for the emerald sleeves of the tunic beneath to be seen, the left of which had four lines of silver stitched into it from mid-forearm to wrist. His trousers were fitted for his long legs, black and sleek like the jacket; the seem on the outer side of each leg was thinly darted with silver thread. The boots he wore were fairly simple; the brim was about an inch below his knee with his trousers carefully tucked into them, the leather black and polished, a visible row of buttons starting from the top edge to mid calf.

Kylo had never seen Hux so… Well, Hux had always been beautiful and he always looked good in whatever he wore, but this, Hux looked very lovely.

It wasn’t until Hux shifted on his way to Kylo’s side in order to begin putting on his gloves, that Kylo noticed Hux’s left ear had a cuff on it, silver twisted attractively with emeralds within the strands of metal, and one of the jewels, long and thin, hung from the bottommost tip at Hux’s lobe and dangled to just above his jawline. Kylo couldn’t believe his eyes and he also couldn’t pull them away because it looked so good on Hux, the delicate silver and bold emerald mixing perfectly with his pale skin and ginger hair, his flecks of red gold freckles and feather lashes.

Kylo wasn’t sure he could handle seeing Hux moving past what Kylo considered ‘Hux’ as often as these events apparently tended to be, but he also could already find himself looking forward to them. Just to see what changes to ‘classic formal Hux’ would be present.

Hux stopped before him, his prior attention with his gloves pausing when he caught Kylo’s eyes since Kylo had definitely been staring. However, Hux made no show of noticing that and was instead eyeing him in a way that reminded Kylo of when they first met as well as when Hux deemed him to be dressed too poorly to be seen with.

“That scar of yours makes you rather conspicuous.”

Kylo glowered, his eyes narrowing as his earlier captivation was shoved over to make way for annoyance. “I apologize if my face offends you.”

Hux was quiet a moment, then answered with a tiny, barely there smirk. “Accepted.”

Feeling his annoyance perking towards irritation, Kylo asked, “Are my scars really relevant to me doing my job?”

The man was silent again, looking Kylo over with intense eyes that never wavered. After a second more he stepped closer, now less than a foot from Kylo, leaving Kylo to try and ignore how sweet Hux smelled.

“I suppose that depends, doesn’t it?” Kylo raised a brow in spite of himself and Hux answered. “What is the mark of a bodyguard who’s capable and skilled in his tasks? One without a scratch or one covered in many and still standing to tell the tale of each?”

Hux had tipped his head to the side slightly, his pale eyes still fixed on Kylo’s, the exquisite green piercing, as if digging into his core just as much as seeing right through him. Then, smooth and sudden, Hux stepped back and lifted his shoulders in a small, elegant shrug while moving to begin slipping on his gloves.

“Personally, I don’t much care either way,” Hux casually admitted.

The man looked back to Kylo, his fingers busy fitting his hands into the smooth black leather with practiced ease. Hux could no doubt clearly see the mild confusion Kylo hadn’t managed to hide.

“While that scar of yours could tell me you’re at least familiar with dangerous situations, it could just as easily mean you’re merely a clumsy fool.”

Kylo frowned, his thoughts not fully settled from earlier. “I’m not clumsy.”

A small grin darkened Hux’s face, the curl to his full pink lips like that of a victorious hunter whose prey stepped right into his trap. “But you are a fool then. Good to know.”

Kylo gaped before he could stop himself, his brain having only just caught up to his mouth. Before Kylo had the chance to respond, realizing too late how stupid his comment was, Hux was already walking through the anteroom and heading to the main doors. He hurried to follow as Hux called back to him.

“Do hurry, Ren. I’d hate for you to tarnish your first real chance to do your job by getting me killed.”

Grumbling to himself, Kylo made sure to lock the heavy doors and then went to join up beside the man. If Hux did get himself killed it would undoubtedly be because he was an insufferable bastard. A pretty one yes, but a bastard nonetheless. As they walked in sync and silence, a comfortable one that Kylo was too busy thinking to even notice, he was instead remembering that, Hux aside, this job was a dream.

 

**\--//--**

 

That’s it. Kylo was completely lost. Hux was beyond baffling now.

Kylo had kept his eyes glued on Hux from the minute dinner ended and everyone began mingling again. Because unlike before, where Hux had been cordial to a vast number of people, this time Hux had spent the last two kriffing hours talking to some pasty older man. He looked sickly, thin and short, his blonde hair wispy and his eyes pale. The man was like a specter and next to Hux he appeared even more sallow and unattractive.

Leaning against a wall in an unassuming corner, Kylo had his arms crossed tight over his chest, his hidden hands balled into fists against his ribs. He was doing his best not to start grinding his teeth, or do something vastly stupid like walk over and separate them.

All Kylo could think about was how that older man didn’t deserve to be so close to Hux, his very presence beside the ginger’s physical and Force one paled so vastly in comparison it only made Kylo’s stomach knot further in frustration and anger. But what didn’t help the most was the way Hux was talking with him.

Every so often the older man would brush a hand against Hux’s arm, and on multiple occasions Hux would brush one back or lean in, hardly a few inches between them at all times. Hux actually smiled, his focus entirely on the short man at his side, and never once did he retract or admonish the man for touching him or angling in close to get Hux to lower down so he could speak in his ear.

Kylo hadn’t felt so incensed in a long time and the fact he knew it was completely absurd didn’t help. But really, that was _not_ Hux. True, Kylo had only known the man for a little more than a week and Hux was notoriously difficult to pin down, but Kylo knew enough to recognize that the somewhat fancifully dressed ginger with a genuine, welcoming smile who accepted and reciprocated small touches and whispers was very _not_ the same person Kylo had been stuck with since arriving.

He bit back a snarl when the man urged Hux down again and whispered in his ear, a hand on Hux’s elbow. Hux’s face smoothed and he nodded lightly before standing tall again. When Hux looked up and over toward where Kylo was brooding against the wall, Kylo felt his heart rate spike in anticipation. Hux curled a slender finger, beckoning him over, and nothing could ever get Kylo to admit how he allowed himself to step toward his charge like a moth to a flame.

Unfortunately his hopes of leaving were dashed, or at least dashed from what his hopes had been.

“Ren, Senator Tate and I are going back to his room to continue our discussion in a more private setting,” Hux informed him, his voice even and clipped like Kylo remembered.

He resisted a sigh due to the company surrounding them, and nodded cooperatively instead.

Hux turned back to the older man at his side, drew on a soft, inviting smile, and spoke with a tone that was too gentle and unnervingly sickly-sweet. Kylo barely kept himself from grimacing in shock.

“This way, Senator.”

Just before the two turned and began to leave, Kylo flicked his gaze to the shorter man and took great pleasure in the trepidation and uncomfortable awe on that near ashen face as the Senator absorbed the weight of Kylo’s entire being. If there was ever a man Kylo wanted to intimidate the fuck out of it was a flaky spec of a thing who thought he could entertain Hux’s company in any true fashion. The man couldn’t hide his interest in Kylo’s charge if he tried.

Albeit somewhat begrudgingly, Kylo followed the pair, keeping a few feet back as they walked through the wide halls and trying his best to ignore how disturbingly animated and borderline saccharine Hux was still being. The only good thing about it were the now occasional glances the Senator would send Kylo, the man’s diminutive presence in the Force practically quivering with his unease. It made Kylo wonder how such a nervous creature ever managed to become a Senator at all.

Reaching the rooms, Hux stopped Kylo from entering with a hand to his broad chest.

“Wait out here.”

Kylo frowned, the pout on his lips slipping through without his consent.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Don’t whine, Ren. We shouldn’t be more than an hour or two. I’m sure you’ll survive.”

Kylo dropped heavily against the wall beside the door. “Well, aim for one rather than two.”

“These sorts of meetings don’t follow a perfect pattern, Ren. My approximation is the best you’ll get.” Hux flit his eyes into the room for a moment before bringing them back to Kylo. “Now don’t be a menace out here unsupervised.”

He scoffed, “I’m the one watching you, remember?”

Hux only quirked a brow with a soft hum before shutting the door, leaving Kylo alone and annoyed and definitely not pouting because he’d have to wait another hour or two before they could go back to Hux’s rooms where Hux was Hux and not this…other person.

Rather than let himself twist up into a ball of frustration again, Kylo tried to meditate instead, keeping the bright glow of Hux in the back of his mind like soft illumination to the darkness within.

After a little more than an hour and a half had passed, Hux was finally finished with his private meeting with Senator Tate and Kylo found he wasn’t any better than before. In fact, he felt more on edge than he had earlier in the night and it didn’t help that Hux seemed to be closed off from the moment they left the older Senator’s guestroom to the moment they entered Hux’s rooms.

Kylo didn’t know what exactly he’d been hoping for, but Hux being cold and laconic wasn’t it. Neither of them spoke much to the other before Hux went into his bedroom, presumably for the night. Kylo did the same, but even though he readied himself for bed, he felt restless.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, only that he’d decided to concentrate on the bright presence of Hux again and allow his mind to wander. The next thing Kylo knew it was morning.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

Kylo was livid. He was _fucking livid_. And the second Hux finally left Lieutenant General Klark’s guestroom after his ‘talk’ looking disheveled and undone in ways Kylo would never admit he thought of, it took every ounce of restraint he had not to burst out screaming. 

He fumed silently as they walked back to the room they’d been assigned. The second they were through the door Kylo went for the small bedroom that adjoined Hux’s but was stopped short before he could.

“What’s gotten you so riled up this evening?”

Clenching his fists, Kylo spun around. Hux was leaning against the back of a chair looking much too inviting despite the cold, distant look in Hux’s eyes, and Kylo couldn’t take it.

“You know _exactly_ why,” he hissed out, his eyes narrowing.

Hux looked to the side, shrugging that poised shrug of his, his bare shoulders practically glinting in the light from the faint red gold freckles that speckled his pale skin.

“Are you really surprised, Ren?” Hux asked. “I have a working sex drive, it’s not really so odd.”

“You lied to me! You’ve been having me sitting outside guarding your fuck sessions!”

“You’re my _bodyguard_ , Ren,” Hux bit back, his even tone tenser than usual. “It’s your job regardless of what I’m doing.”

Kylo resisted the urge to reach out to Hux, to draw him close with the Force, his mind frantically jumping back and forth between wanting to wrap his fingers around his neck and crashing their lips together, kissing him until any lingering taste of that other man was gone from Hux.

“I can’t do this right now.” Kylo shut his eyes tight and quickly turned around; he slammed his door shut before Hux could say anything that might make it all worse.

It was barely a minute after that when Kylo heard the close of Hux’s door across the room.

He ran his fingers through his hair, an anxious habit that sometimes eased him, but now it did nothing. Now Kylo just wanted to pull at the thick strands instead, he wanted to scream, he wanted to break things, tear them apart; he wanted Hux to not be doing what he just did and Kylo wanted to never have had to hear it.

Kylo felt wound up and aching to snap more than he’d ever felt since he first started this job. It had been two months since he’d gotten into a full on fight with someone, close to three since he’d gotten laid. He needed a release desperately right now and it only made sense that the same man inspired the desires behind the only two things that really alleviated his tension. Meditating could only do so much; when Kylo bothered with it at least.

Knowing he couldn’t solve his problem with violence—not that ripping the room apart or punching that stupid ass military sycophant wouldn’t be nice, _beyond_ nice actually—and since there wasn’t any way for him to get out and find some company, Kylo would look some up as usual. Jerking off wasn’t nearly as good as fucking, but it was infinitely better than nothing. It would also keep him from putting holes in the walls.

He kicked his boots off, unclasped his belt and unzipped his jacket, tossing both onto a chair in the corner before snatching up his datapad and dropping heavily onto the bed. Kylo flicked the unit on and went to activate the privacy routine he’d written initially for the holonet connection at the Hux estate. It thankfully worked decently well outside that. Considering right now he had no patience to deal with the headache that was hacking a very secure network, Kylo was glad he’d spent his first few nights on the job creating it instead. Implementing his own securities and backdoors into the system to keep his content searches completely hidden. Porn habits aside, Kylo valued his privacy greatly, even if it was just looking through humorous images or holos for hours until he fell asleep.

It didn’t take him long to find something semi-decent; he wasn’t in any mood for much more than a quick release.

Like he had nearly every time he’d done this since arriving not quite three weeks ago, Kylo steadfastly ignored how one of the men in the video was slender. Or how when he closed his eyes and concentrated, the person he imagined touching him, the man who eagerly rode his cock, was slender too, slender and tall and crowned with red hair.

But this time, this time was different. This time rather than focusing on the sounds of the man in the holo, Kylo thought of the sounds Hux had made. He thought of how desperately hard he’d gotten while stuck waiting out in the Lieutenant General’s sitting room, trapped as the two fucked right beyond the door he could see from where he sat. Even now he was already so hard again, leaking and aching.

He stroked himself slowly, closing his eyes at the sensation as he ran his hand up, pressing his thumb along the slit then twisting his palm against the flared head before going back down, spreading his precum to ease the friction.

It wasn’t long before he was bucking up into his grip, panting hard, throwing his head back as every moan that came from his datapad was replaced with Hux’s in his head.

He could see it so clearly in his mind; every thrust into his fist was a thrust into Hux’s tight heat, the man’s pale neck on display as he moaned and gasped to the ceiling as Kylo filled him. Kylo could almost feel his hands on Hux’s narrow hips, not controlling the pace, just holding, letting Hux ride him as wantonly as he wanted. His lovely pink cock, flushed and swollen, bouncing between them and begging to be touched.

“ _Mmm_ , oh fuck!” Kylo groaned, pumping faster, feeling his coming orgasm build and build.

The Hux in his mind looked down at him now, gripping his shoulders with those deft, slender hands. His piercing eyes half-lidded, the green nearly blown black with desire, his full lips parted as he panted and mewled, bruised from the kisses Kylo ravaged him with.

Hux leaned in and brushed those lips against his, Kylo’s own hand outside his fantasy simulating the movement by grazing the thin skin.

 _“Touch me, Kylo,”_ the man whispered, low and seductive.

“Fuck, Hux!” His orgasm hit him hard, his hand just barely catching the come that threatened to stain his clothes. “Fuck _fuck fuck_ ,” Kylo whispered to himself between heavy breaths while he continued pumping his cock fast and fervent as he rode out his high, milking every spark of pleasure he could until he was too sensitive to go on.

Chest still heaving and his senses returning slowly, Kylo fell back against the headboard of the bed, his afterglow wavering between wholly pleasant or pleasant but soured with guilt.

He looked at his hand, come cooling in his palm, and more still dripping down his softening cock, settling in the exposed thatch of dark hairs at the base and the bottom of his stomach where his tunic had rucked up. The video on his datapad had ended before Kylo had finished, and it hadn’t been too far along before he’d delved so deeply into his fantasy the holo was hardly necessary.

Kylo shut his eyes, dropping his head against the wall behind him.

“Shit.”

 

 

\---///---

 

 

One thing Kylo had learned so far in the month and a half since he began this bodyguard job was that Hux _did_ do work other than being his father’s stand in at parties, and whatever that work was Hux did it very diligently. The few meetings of the Senator’s aides Kylo had been forced to attend alongside Hux—which he easily tuned out—Hux had been as vocal as he was quiet and observant. When Hux spoke, people listened, and at the end of each Hux had left with work to do on his own, and seemingly more always came whether he went to a meeting or not.

As intriguing and impressive as it was, unfortunately Hux’s work ethic sometimes led him to staying up late, far too late. And such an occurrence only ended up making them both irritable in their own way the next morning when Kylo was annoyed at Hux and Hux was subsequently annoyed at Kylo being annoyed at him.

Exiting out of the game Kylo had been playing on his datapad, something he’d downloaded over a week ago and found particular joy in playing because while Hux said nothing, they both knew he shouldn’t have the game on that pad. Instead, he opened up the messaging system and tapped on Hux’s contact.

 

> **Ren [0216]**
> 
> hux, go to bed already

 

The sound of the notification was silent, but Kylo waited and watched until Hux saw the blinking light alerting him to a new message. Hux sat up straighter, then Kylo watched as he tipped his head to the side before sighing.

 

> **Hux [0219]**
> 
> You are literally in the room, Ren. Why are you sending me a message when your vocal chords are still annoyingly intact?

 

> **Ren [0220]**
> 
> i tried that an hour ago and it obviously didn’t work
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0220]**
> 
> this is a new tactic

 

> **Hux [0221]**
> 
> While it’s good you’ve learned to use whatever passes for a brain in that head of yours, I am not finished and will not stop until doing so.

 

Kylo rolled his eyes with a purposefully loud sigh, dropping his head against the arm of the chair he was awkwardly reclining sideways in.

 

> **Ren [0221]**
> 
> you are NEVER finished. you’re literally going to work yourself to death

 

> **Hux [0222]**
> 
> Now you’re a psychic? That certainly bodes ill.

 

> **Ren [0223]**
> 
> i’ve predicted it. that’s why i’m determined to stop you or else i’ll fail my job and i need the money

 

> **Hux [0224]**
> 
> How heartwarming. 

 

> **Ren [0224]**
> 
> hux, come ON! you’ve almost smacked your head on your desk twice now

 

> **Hux [0226]**
> 
> No I haven’t. Now shut up, Ren. I’m busy.

 

Scowling at the screen, Kylo practically punched the letters, the pad’s durability threatened beneath Kylo’s frustration.

 

> **Ren [0227]**
> 
> yes you have. and no i won’t

 

Hux continued to work, ignoring the flicker of green on his datapad, as he seemed to have deigned their conversation over. Frustrated further, Kylo decided to keep on spamming the man until he paid attention again. Like Kylo could somehow annoy him into stopping.

 

> **Ren [0231]**
> 
> hux
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0232]**
> 
> hux
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0233]**
> 
> huuuuuuxxx
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0235]**
> 
> hux, you can’t keep working
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0237]**
> 
> you’ll pass out and complain to me all day tomorrow about how your neck aches
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0238]**
> 
> but it’ll be your fault for not listening to me
> 
>  
> 
> **Ren [0240]**
> 
> i’m just trying to do my job as your bodyguard, guarding and caring and all that shit

 

Abruptly, Hux sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “ _Stars_ , Ren. Won’t you shut the fuck up?”

Hux twisted in his seat to glare at Kylo, his eyes red-rimmed and the green even more piercing in his sleep-deprived state.

Kylo twirled the datapad between his fingers. “No,” he said casually.

Hux groaned, turning back around and pressing his fingers to his temples, rolling circles there as if the action could actually soothe away his irritation.

“You’re impossible.”

Kylo grinned to himself, enjoying riling the ginger up but also how the brilliance of Hux’s presence in the Force seemed to glow brighter, stronger, something it often did when he and Hux bickered or argued. Sometimes he noticed it even when nothing much seemed to be happening and it would be quick but detectable. Regardless, it was always a pleasant bonus to these times.

For a minute or two, Hux appeared to be continuing his efforts at relaxing himself, but then Kylo noticed the man’s head fall and swiftly jerk up. That was the third time Hux had pulled himself back from the brink of sleep. Kylo could feel Hux’s exhaustion and with this last attempt Hux’s body had tried to get the man to sleep, Kylo decided to take matters into his own hands.

Switching off his datapad, Kylo set it aside and stood up, stretching out the kinks in his limbs, the tightness in his neck and back from sitting and lying down so long. He quietly made his way over to Hux, who had once again leaned into his palm, his eyes shut, and sleep endeavoring to take hold once more.

Kylo exhaled softly at the sight and carefully pulled Hux’s chair back, then he slipped an arm behind the man and one under his knees. With a near effortless lift, Kylo had Hux cradled in his arms.

Hux stirred, pressing his slender hand against Kylo’s chest, his eyes fluttering as he seemed to be gaining his bearings.

“Ren?”

“Yes?”

Hux blinked again, his eyes still not quite obeying him. “Are…are you carrying me?”

Kylo grinned, mostly to himself. “Yes.”

The man groaned, likely in exasperation at Kylo’s noncompliance, and wriggled in Kylo’s hold, but his weak struggles were even more futile than if he’d really been trying. Kylo brought him closer, his arms securing Hux in tight against his chest.

“Ren, put me down,” Hux ordered, almost whined in fact. “Take me back.”

“No. You’re exhausted and you’re going to bed.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Hux said pointedly, voice still quiet but his body now twisting in Kylo’s arms again.

“You fell asleep four times already, you’re tired Hux. Just deal with it.”

“I’m not ti—,” Hux suddenly yawned, his eyelids fluttering again as he finally stopped struggling and let himself settle into Kylo’s grasp.

Of course Hux would finally ease and let himself be held right when Kylo had reached the man’s bed, and now Kylo was simply standing beside it, reluctant to let go. Hux’s hand was still lightly pressed against Kylo’s chest, his cheek nestled there as well. If Kylo’s tunic wasn’t in the way, he could probably feel the feathery touch of Hux’s red gold lashes on his skin.

Kylo shook himself back to reality and slowly lowered Hux down.

Swallowing quietly as nerves fluttered in his stomach, Kylo moved his hands to the front of Hux’s light jacket and began undoing each hidden clasp. He awkwardly managed to slide both of Hux’s arms out of the sleeves, followed by removing his shirt, Hux falling heavily back to the bed after his meager, barely conscious effort in helping.

He went to remove Hux’s shoes, taking more time than necessary there as he pretended he wasn’t undressing the man who he’d shamefully masturbated to the fantasy of multiple times. As if he didn’t already mutely suffer the ignominy of that, now he felt even creepier… Kylo kept his eyes intently focused on his hands as he undid the front of Hux’s trousers and slid them down, thoroughly ignoring how Hux lifted his hips just slightly to help.

Once Hux was left in nothing but his undershirt and briefs, Kylo continued to pretend he wasn’t there and nothing existed below Hux’s waist as he worked the covers out from under the man, who grumbled softly but didn’t truly protest.

Now Kylo was left standing there, again, staring down at the relaxed features of the man. Those lashes of his looked so much longer than he’d thought they were, brushing Hux’s cheeks peppered with faint freckles Kylo might have tried to count sometimes in his boredom. Hux’s mouth was parted slightly as he breathed soft, calm breaths, those unfairly full pink lips looking much too inviting.

Before Kylo realized it, he had reached out and brushed the backs of his fingers across the ginger’s forehead, righting some fallen strands of red that had tumbled over his eyes. Seeing his own thick fingers beside Hux’s hair, his porcelain skin, Kylo’s eyes went wide and he quickly jerked his hand back, holding it tightly against his chest as if burned even though the skin he’d yearned to touch was cool and soft.

He took a few moments to steady himself, his own exhaustion clearly laxing his control and judgment. When he refocused his eyes on the man sleeping without a sound on the wide bed beside him, Kylo felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth, something gentle and wholly unlike him. But he couldn’t help it. Hux never looked peaceful or at ease—not very often anyway—, so it was impossible not to give in at least a little. Soon Kylo actually found himself relaxing rather than twisting himself up, that strange curl of his lips becoming the sort of smile Kylo had long ago thought he could never make again. And then Hux happened. Armitage happened.

“Goodnight, Hux.”

This time he allowed himself the weakness and brushed his hand lightly down Hux’s arm, the tip of each finger drawing feather soft lines along his fair skin before pulling away. That smile remained evident even when Kylo quietly left the room and returned to his own.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

“I have a meeting with my father later this afternoon,” Hux commented as they walked back from the dining room, the corridor rather lifeless for midday.

“I know, Hux,” Kylo said, rolling his eyes. “You send me a schedule every day.”

“You sound as though you don’t appreciate them.”

Kylo caught Hux side-eyeing him, his tone sarcastic though his features were as stoic as ever. It was clear the man was baiting Kylo as much as he was expressing annoyance in the fact Kylo didn’t recognize the value of something Hux did purely for the convenience of another. Granted, seeing as Hux didn’t think Kylo could function properly without the things, Hux was technically still benefitting from creating them, tainting the allusion of selflessness.

He frowned slightly, “What I don’t appreciate are the additions you make.”

“If I don’t include reminders, you forget. That’s the entire purpose, Ren.”

“Telling me not to wear my own boots instead of the formal ones when accompanying you to meetings because it, and I quote, ‘cheapens your appearance and thusly my own,’” Kylo mocked Hux’s accent, ignoring the glare the man sent him in the process, “Is hardly something worth appreciating. Especially when you add it nearly every time.”

“And yet you’ve lapsed on that very directive three times thus far,” Hux remarked brusquely. “Repetition of a problem necessitates the repetition of reminders until said problem is resolved.”

Kylo grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away.

“Speak up, Ren. It’s difficult to hear your whining when you mumble.”

Hux sounded distinctly smug. Kylo glanced back to find the man’s lips curled in a small smirk, the only real shift to show Hux’s enjoyment in Kylo’s mild chastisement.

“I _said_ ,” Kylo snapped, “If you’re going to be so very helpful, why don’t you find a less offensive way to do it.”

Curiously, rather than be knocked back to irritation, Hux raised a pale brow while his smirk remained. “That cannot possibly be what you said, Ren.”

“Yes it is,” Kylo frowned, turning away again. Even still, Kylo could feel Hux’s knowing gaze on him.

“No, that was too long for your little mutter and certainly far less acerbic than usual.”

“Fine then. What I actually said was, ‘being an obnoxious bastard is the problem.’”

Hux scoffed softly. “Now was that so hard?”

Sliding his eyes to the side with a quiet groan, Kylo muttered, “And you call me insufferable.”

“You are insufferable, Ren,” Hux near deadpanned if not for the tiniest curve of a smirk causing Kylo to narrow his eyes at the ginger, but Hux continued before he could respond. “And I am also a bastard.”

At the unexpected personal scathe, Kylo wrinkled his brow, drawing back slightly with a tilt of his head as Hux’s face smoothed into complete indifference.

“Wha—” Kylo began, but Hux stopped him in his tracks as though he’d never uttered a sound.

“If you recall, I listed that you aren’t necessary at this meeting.”

Kylo opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling to form a response while staring at Hux’s face, whose gaze was now focused directly onward. Eventually, he exhaled a soft sigh and looked away from the man as well.

“Yes, I remember.”

“Good,” Hux nodded. “I assume you’ll manage to find something to entertain yourself in my absence?”

As the two rounded the corner, their gait as even and in sync as it always seemed to be, Kylo happened to catch the flicker of green eyes shift to him. The piercing color held that familiar mocking glint again, and Kylo happily took the bait.

“I’ve survived twenty-five years without needing to watch you bore and frustrate me. I think I can handle a few hours on my own.”

“I can’t imagine how.”

 

**\--//--**

 

With Hux busy, Kylo had decided to head to the training room on the far left end of the estate, the modernized section. Part of him wished the space was closer, but he didn’t mind the walk. It was a nice way to stretch his legs and clear his head.

While it wasn’t set in stone, Kylo thought he’d spend an hour or two doing some physical and sword exercises, then occupy the rest with lunch and possibly a bit of meditation. Surprisingly, Kylo had found himself taking time to meditate often in the last two or so months. Kylo liked to think it was because his ability to center and control himself was improving, something he always struggled with, but he knew better. The meditation wasn’t because Kylo was balancing, but because he was trying to keep from toppling entirely. In the end, it mostly kept him close to what constituted the norm for him rather than improve anything.

Kylo entered the passcode into the panel beside the training room door, the wide space pleasantly vacant at this time of day. He placed his few things beside the black mats that encompassed much of the floor space, then stood, barefoot, and habitually rolled his shoulders and shook out his hands.

Over the time he’d spent as Hux’s bodyguard, Kylo had found his fascination didn’t decrease in the slightest as days and weeks rolled by. The man only became more of a curiosity; a frustratingly lovely one that begged to be stared at as if Kylo could unlock the mystery by willpower alone whilst simultaneously appreciating the view of the puzzle’s image.

As the sleeping visage of the man from the night before flooded his mind, Kylo quickly shut his eyes and rolled his neck, trying to force it away. His efforts predictably failed, prompting Kylo to speed up the pace of his push-ups like the additional exertion was a punishment.

One of the few staples that Kylo had managed to gather about Hux was that the ginger was much too pretty when he slept. The majority of his sharpness would fade and soften, leaving the delicate ones to radiate further. And radiate they most certainly did. While Kylo wasn’t exactly fond of when Hux would overwork himself into the early hours of morning, he did enjoy prodding Hux to get to bed—provided the man didn’t pass out on his own—followed by the pleasant privilege of carrying Hux to his bedroom.

Among the several times Kylo had done this, he usually always spent a minimum of one minute watching Hux sleep and three times now had brushed a finger along his cheek. Doing so always left him feeling foolish and even creepier than he already did, but it seemed like he could never quite help himself. Much like how his imagination refused to create anyone other than Hux, or at the very least a slender, redheaded man whenever Kylo tried to masturbate. One week he had attempted not to masturbate at all, but after the seven days were up he felt incredibly tense and on edge. Hux had definitely noticed and even commented on it, but Kylo only snapped despite trying not to—they’d argued several times that week. When he finally succumbed the next night, his orgasm came on hard and fast, he slept amazingly, and the next morning he felt light and relaxed. He knew he couldn’t avoid the physical release if he wanted to keep from strangling someone—though it had been a while since he’d been able to do that—so he worked hard on keeping his fantasies faceless and the sounds as close as possible to the man in the holo he looked up. Kylo personally felt he would have a much easier time if he didn’t have to literally guard Hux while the man fucked what had to be bare minimum acquaintances, if not outright strangers. Knowing what Hux was doing _and_ _hearing_ _it_ did not help him.

With a growl at himself, Kylo dropped onto his stomach and rolled over. Thinking about Hux was not going to help him right now either, and training would actually let him avoid one or two masturbation sessions. He didn’t get to stretch all his muscles often enough with this job and it was the next best thing to unwind his stress.

Kylo tilted his head back along the slick mat and spotted the rack of staffs. He knew he should do a few more basic exercises, but he was desperate to get lost in saber training, even if he didn’t have his actual saber with him. Well, he did have it, but he kept it locked in a box among his personal belongings in his bedroom. He knew he could have left it on his ship, possibly should have, but he never fully trusted anywhere or anyone, so he preferred keeping it with him as much as possible at all times. If Kylo thought he could definitely get away with it, he’d have smuggled it into the training room with him. But it was simply too risky; especially with Brendol Hux being one of the Senators who were less accepting of Jedi. And Kylo seriously doubted the man or anyone else would care that Kylo wasn’t actually a Jedi just because he was Force-sensitive. That wasn’t how it worked.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Kylo then quickly jumped to his feet and drew his hand out to call one of the staffs to his waiting palm.

The shaft was thinner and smoother than the hilt of his saber, but of the choices available it was the thickest and therefore best fit he could achieve. Kylo maintained a relaxed grip and twirled the staff absently, testing the balance, and regardless of the ease he still yearned for the perfect equilibrium of his own weapon. He didn’t actually get to use his lightsaber often, as he tended only to do so when he was sure he’d be striking down everyone, or nearly everyone, leaving any witnesses to his rather particular weapon use minimal to none. Nevertheless, Kylo always trained with it, keeping his skill sharp.

He also rather enjoyed the connection he felt to his grandfather, watching the crimson blade arch and hiss while he did rote exercises as well as his own more fantastical versions. Kylo had used to try to fit in harder than any child should have to, but he soon grew to embrace the unique within some aspects of his life, and one of which was his handle of his own saber. Primarily it came from the lack of a teacher outside much of the basic techniques, the rest Kylo struggled to build upon through some research and his own bold form of whimsy. In the end, he considered it a success.

Yet even back then, with all the rules at his fingertips, he had still struggled to keep his lightsaber work in check. Too brash, too emotive, simply _too much_ , just like everything else about him.

His little cousin Rey had called him passionate, that his style mimicked the word. Kylo always wanted to bristle at that, hearing the word passionate usually made his skin prick and tingle with anger and hurt. Luke had always made it sound wrong somehow, never quite chastisement but definitely not encouragement. Rey always said it with a smile, though she tended to say most things with a smile. The girl lived up to the unintended allusion of her name. She was literally a ray of sunshine, impersonating the blazing star in both its warmth and ferocity.

Kylo whipped around on his heel, swift and agile, the staff a violent blur tethered to his hands. His dark eyes were steady and deep, staring at nothing yet everything, his gaze locked on the past rather than the present.

Despite their habitual fighting, Kylo had always loved his cousin, even if he also envied and hated her in equal measure. Much like Kylo, Rey was very powerful, both of them following in the footsteps of their parents; one twin descended of one of the greatest and most legendary force-sensitives to each gifted child. And much like Kylo, Rey was also a strong blend of light and dark. However, unlike Rey, who was more balanced with a slant toward light, Kylo was never quite stable and leaned far more toward the dark. Always too dark.

One thing Kylo could admit kept his love for Rey from ever fading was that regardless of anything and everything that Kylo did, Rey followed him around like an adoring puppy, more like a little sister than a cousin. She never told him he was too dark, never told him he was bad, not in the manner his family did behind his back anyway. Telling him to stop being mean to one of the other students or something of the like never really counted, especially because Kylo never felt chastised the way Luke or his mother made him feel.

So it wasn’t at all surprising when she’d shown up as Kylo had been in the process of leaving, her eyes red-rimmed and cheeks flushed, tears silently falling as she frowned both hurt and angry.

With an overindulgent spin, Kylo harshly snapped the staff into pieces as he brought it down hard against the mat. Rather than stop, he called another to his palm and continued, his thoughts moving a mile a minute as the past replayed.

Rey was not quite four years his junior, already much shorter than Kylo and a little gawky, puberty having just barely touched her at the time. Nevertheless, she stood straight, her usually warm brown eyes focused, and, knowing words would have a middling effect at best, she had her saber in her small hand.

 

_“Ben.”_

_Having sensed her a while ago, he stopped now only at hearing his name, her voice a familiar and generally welcoming sound. But not now._

_“Go home, Rey.” He kept his own low voice as gentle as he could._

_“You should go home too, Ben.”_

_“That’s not my home.” His fists clenched at his sides, nails digging into his palms. “Not anymore.”_

_“Of course it is! It’s both of our homes.” Her tone had an edge of pleading to it that stung Ben, a nagging in his chest he knew only Rey could bring out._

_“It is for you, Rey. You belong there. I…don’t.”_

_“Yes you do, Ben! You do, you do!” Now Ben could hear her cries, the tears no longer as silent._

_“Goodbye, Rey.”_

_“Ben!”_

_He’d made to step forward, but Ben found himself hindered, his movements quivering as he tried to continue his action despite an unseen force struggling to pin him in place. He could feel Rey’s Force grip on him, shaky as always but stronger than before. Ben let himself grin proudly for a moment, then soon wiped it away._

_“Let me go, Rey.”_

_“No!”_

_“Rey...” Ben said gently, not quite pleading. Not so much to let him free from her grip as to simply let him go entirely._

_“ **No!** ” She shouted again._

_Ben shut his eyes with a sigh, concentrated and twisted around, breaking her connection and moving to face her. He watched as she stumbled backward a little but never fell, drawing up tall again, her round cheeks glistening with tears._

_“I’m leaving, Rey. I can’t stay here…I just…you know I can’t.”_

_“No…” she said with a trembling voice, both a whine and a whisper, holding back a sob. “No, no you can stay, you can, Ben. Please.”_

_He smiled, soft and warm like he only ever did for her. “You know I’ll miss you, Rey. You know if I could I’d stay for you. But we both know I can’t, and I shouldn’t either.”_

_She sniffled, “Ben, please…please **please** stay.” Rey broke a little, her bottom lip quivering as she released a few quiet sobs. “Please Benny please...” her breathes stuttered, “Please don’t leave me here alone.”_

_He couldn’t help it, the tears that pricked in the corners of his eyes or how his own lips shook as he fought back the pain and the grief. He was always emotional, but crying was something he’d been working on never doing for about a year now, and hadn’t done much at all since he was fourteen anyway. But Rey, Rey could somehow always bring tears to his eyes._

_Ben stepped toward her, his hands out as if to plead and comfort, though he didn’t get too close._

_“Rey, I…it’s not…” he exhaled heavily, a tear falling from his dark lashes. “I’m not leaving you alone. You have Luke and Leia, you have Han and Poe. You have that new boy, Finn. I know you like him.” Ben smiled lightly._

_Rey slid her eyes away, a moment of well-known teasing only just slightly lessening the thick tension around them. Unfortunately, it shifted back fast._

_“But I won’t have you...” she murmured softly, looking at her feet, her saber hilt clutched tightly in both her hands as she wrung the metal into her palms._

_“No,” Ben said. He stepped close now and knelt down, placing a hand on her chest. “You’ll always have me, Rey. We’ll always have each other. Right here.”_

_Rey sniffed, rolling her eyes before joining her gaze with Ben’s. “Oh please, Ben, you don’t believe that bantha shit.”_

_He chuckled, low and short, “I don’t mean your heart, stupid. I mean in the Force.”_

_She seemingly couldn’t help the little smile that curled her lips, brightening her sweet face even with the tears that still lingered and fell and the sadness that swirled in her eyes. One of her small hands reached up to tightly grasp his, her grip covering mostly just Ben’s fingers._

_A frown darkened the brief flick of light on her face. “But that’s not enough.”_

_“It is,” Ben replied softly, easing his hand away. “It has to be.” He stood straight again, already so tall and towering over the girl. “Goodbye, Rey.”_

_She jerked her head up with wide eyes and Ben could feel her anxiety spike, her sorrow and anger growing and ready to burst. Rey could sense the impending loss already, just like Ben could, but she still wasn’t ready to back down._

_“No!”_

_Rey thrust her lightsaber out to her side and ignited the blue blade. Her features tightened in determination, those brown eyes sharpening as she frowned._

_“I won’t fight you, Rey,” Ben said, his lips and eyes firmly set._

_“Yes you will!” She rushed forward. “Because you’re not leaving without one!”_

_Ben dodged, then ducked down just as hurriedly when she rebounded to strike again before her first move was fully completed. He managed to evade her twice more before it was clear he’d have to wear her down before he could really escape, and it would be easier to do that by blocking her rather than expending effort to avoid._

_In a flash, Ben had his own saber out and clashing loudly with Rey’s right as her downward swing hit. The two shafts of blue crackled, Ben’s darker and longer than Rey’s. He made sure to put little pressure into his block, enough to keep her at bay but not too much to chance hurting her. Ben would never fight Rey. Not truly. Sparring was one thing, but fighting, really fighting, was very different and something the both of them grappled with in their own ways. Similar to Ben, when very emotional Rey would become far more forceful with her lightsaber. However, she also became sloppier while Ben made the passionate drive his own rather than lack proficiency._

_Ben thrust her back, ready to catch her with the Force if she fell. Rey caught her balance quickly, but didn’t cease. She rushed him again, the clash sparking even more._

_“Ben, **please**! Please please please!” Despite the fierceness of her countenance, the depths of Rey’s eyes were still sad and tears were still falling._

_His expression fell for a moment, but he quickly shoved it aside, drawing on a firmer one along with a sharper tone of voice._

_“No, Rey.”_

_He thrust her backward again, this time harder and farther, assuring she fell onto her back and then yanking her lightsaber from her grasp. Ben hated to do it this way, but he had to get her to stop long enough for him to leave. The ship he’d secured passage on was only going to be around for another hour at best and he was still a decent distance away, having wanted to avoid a saber fight in public since he’d known Rey was behind him and they knew each other well._

_“This is goodbye, Rey,” Ben said resolutely and turned, returning his saber to the belt beneath his robe._

_For a moment, she stayed in place, her soft sobs still audible. Then abruptly she was on her feet and moving fast, fury in her presence._

_Ben caught her saber’s blade awkwardly as she swung at his right side, however, she didn’t linger long. Rey drew her blade back and started swinging haphazardly, swift and entirely driven by emotion rather than instinct. She was swinging to hit, to slow him down, to wear him out, to just **stop** him. Her thoughts were screaming at Ben to stay, pleading and shouting, angry and so so sad._

_The onslaught of her emotions, her thoughts, her swings that had little reasoning but much force, and Ben’s refusal to fight her, to hurt her, all led to him missing one downward swipe a second too late._

_Ben felt the burn just as much as he didn’t as the white-blue light of the saber blinded him momentarily as it swiped across his face, the tip catching him just enough to slash a very shallow line. The top of his left brow dragging diagonally to the bottom of his jaw on the right, widening slightly, before dropping a little farther to knick another shallow slice along part of his right shoulder._

_He didn’t make much sound as it happened, hissing softly, and stumbling backward, catching himself but still dropping to a knee._

_Everything was silent, the searing pain felt crippling and invigorating all at once. Ben couldn’t focus much, but beyond the warring sensation of his face and shoulder the only thing Ben could really make out was the absolute horror and anguish coming from his cousin now._

_Ben tipped his head up, his right eye shut beneath his hand, afraid to open it even though he knew it was intact. As he expected, Rey looked every bit as horrified as she projected, as her unintelligible thoughts still pressing on him said without words._

_Her saber fell from her hands when they locked eyes._

_“Ben…I…I-I didn’t…I…” Her small hands were shaking, her wide eyes tearing again._

_He drew in a deep breath, focusing as best he could on blocking out some of the pain to make sure he wouldn’t worry her too much. Ben knew he’d be fine. It was really very shallow, a small cut technically, even though it likely looked terrible considering the blade was made of plasma._

_Moving slowly, Ben unfolded into a stance, remaining firm and unwavering, and walked over to Rey. Her eyes followed him, staring up when he stopped before her again._

_“It’s alright, Rey. I know you didn’t mean to, I know.”_

_She started tearing up again, sobbing as she quickly embraced him, rubbing her face into his chest to better quiet the cries. Ben brought one arm around her, ignoring the urge to hiss as it was his injured side, and lifted the other to pat lightly at her head, then run down to hold the back of her neck gently, his thumb stroking up and down at the nape. Ben would have stroked her hair instead like he had always been soothed by back when he was very young and things were different with his mother, but Rey wore her hair in that ridiculous three-bun style nowadays._

_“It’s alright, it’s alright,” he whispered softly in response to her muffled cries of sorry and please._

_For a few minutes they simply stood there, and gradually Rey’s tears slowed and her shaking breaths stopped stuttering her small frame._

_“I wish you wouldn’t go,” Rey mumbled, rubbing her forehead against Ben’s now tear-stained tunic. He was glad it was black._

_“I know.”_

_She sniffled, “I wish you didn’t feel like you had to.”_

_Ben held her tighter. “I do too.”_

_Rey leaned back to look up at him, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks blotchy. “Will I ever see you again?”_

_He brought his hand to her cheek, brushing a wayward tear aside. “I’m sure you will.”_

_She swallowed hard then nodded, dropping her eyes back to his chest. “Will…can I…” she rolled her head, eyes doing the same. “Just hold still.”_

_Ben furrowed his brow, but did as she asked. He **would** skim her thoughts, but he’d spent the last several months working on not doing that in preparation for a life outside the Jedi, so he didn’t, and she wasn’t projecting this time either._

_Carefully, she reached her lean arms up and then gently, hesitantly, laid her small hands along the wound marring his face._

_“Rey—”_

_“Shh!” She hushed him abruptly, closing her eyes as she did._

_Ben quieted and slowly the warmth of healing started filling the space beneath her lingering hands, she drifted one over to his shoulder while the other stayed at his face. After a few seconds Ben felt the pain ebbing, and when he stopped trying to block any of it he found the prior pain wasn’t much more than a dull stinging._

_“Rey.” He brought his hands up and grasped her wrists in a loose hold, drawing her healing ministrations away._

_“No, please, let me help,” she begged; her fight to stay put lasted hardly a moment._

_He smiled the soft smile only for her. “It’s fine, it barely hurts now. And besides, I want to keep it.”_

_Rey frowned, pouting a little. “Why would you want that? Some big ugly scar?” Her frown eased, her gaze gentling as she whispered, “I know how you feel about your face, Ben.”_

_He sighed heavily, his lips twisting for a brief moment before stopping at the odd and slightly painful sensation that brought. He shook his head, refocusing on her._

_“I want it because it will remind me of you.”_

_Her nose wrinkled as she grimaced. “Ugch, no, I don’t want a nasty scar **I** gave you to remind you of me.”_

_Ben chuckled, “Of course I’ll remember everything else, Rey. I mean…I guess I mean it will remind me that someone tried to stop me. That someone cared so much they literally hacked at my face to get me to stop. Even if that someone was my stupid little cousin.” His full lips drew on a smile, wide and sarcastic._

_She punched him lightly in the gut, grinning herself. “You’re the stupid cousin, Ben.”_

_He scoffed, “Yeah, I know.”_

_Looking up at him for a moment, Rey was quiet, appearing as though she were memorizing Ben’s face. Drawing in a few shaky breaths, she hugged him close again, nuzzling against his chest as her fingers dug deep into the rough black fabric of his robe._

_“I’ll miss you, Benny,” she murmured._

_Ben squeezed her affectionately in return, letting a minute, then two, then three linger, and then slowly drew away, unhooking her vice-like arms from him. Before turning to leave at last, he bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and when he leaned back Ben was wearing his Rey smile._

_“I’ll miss you too, little scavenger.”_

Kylo could feel the wetness on his face, the warmth so foreign after so many years without having shed any, but ignored it. After his youngest years, when he gave up trying with his parents or uncle or the students who weren’t really friends, Ben, Kylo, only ever did cry for Rey.

He swept the staff in his hand, switching from left to right and back again, the twirls dramatic and unnecessary but his all the same. Passionate and bold. This time as he brought the blunt weapon to the mat, it didn’t shatter.

 

**\--//--**

 

Kylo hadn’t the slightest idea how much time had passed, only that he’d been deep down in his memories as his body moved with practiced fluidity.

Reality didn’t truly hit him until a brightness abruptly struck his consciousness, and as he brought the staff he held to a firm stop parallel to the ground, Kylo opened his eyes to find Hux standing right at the tip of it. Kylo blinked rapidly several times, trying to right himself. It turned out that taking in the man’s almost completely unfazed appearance helped ground him. No one but Hux could look so stoic after a weapon had rapidly, dangerously, swung out toward him, not knowing whether it would hit or miss, and yet remain in place, not even acknowledging the tip only inches from his face.

“I suppose this explains why you didn’t answer my messages,” Hux said, a brow then raising as he observed the scene before him.

It took a second for Hux’s words to sink in, confusion twisting his features. “What? Oh. OH, sorry.”

He quickly lowered the staff down, feeling stupid and embarrassed. Kylo absently ran a hand through his hair, realizing he’d forgotten to tie it back as it brushed loose and sweaty and thick between his fingers. Almost as an unconscious second thought, Kylo let a finger drift down along his scar, the memory still seeming fresh after delving so deep into himself; like a form of meditation.

Hux tilted his head, his green eyes still trained on Kylo, and Kylo quickly jerked his hand away and stepped back from Hux a little.

“Sorry about that. Sometimes, when I train, I get lost in my thoughts.”

Kylo spun the staff in his hand, shifting the direction at times, never looking at Hux as he either stared at it or the floor.

“I noticed,” Hux remarked, a smirk evident by his tone.

Swallowing inaudibly, Kylo cleared his throat and moved to replace the staff. As he did he stepped onto a piece of the broken one, jolting back in surprise since he’d completely forgotten breaking the thing.

“Shit,” he cursed quietly to himself.

For some reason Hux apparently hadn’t noticed the damaged weapon on the mat either, and Kylo’s soft exclamation redirected his attention.

The ginger raised that pale brow of his. “Should I really be surprised that you’re a destructive person?”

Kylo rolled his eyes, moving to replace the staff and then went about picking up the fractured pieces littering the mat. Having been so lost in his head, Kylo wondered if he’d gotten any splinters. The staff wasn’t too shattered really, but flecks here and there contrasted brightly against the dark of the black mat.

“You don’t have to worry about any of your precious things. I’m mostly house trained.” Kylo smirked at Hux as he stood, holding the pieces in his hands.

Hux huffed with a small, strangely twisted smile. It took a moment to understand what he’d just witnessed, but Kylo soon realized it was the exhale of a small laugh being subdued.

Kylo gaped for a moment. “Holy kriffing fuck, you laughed.”

He hadn’t meant to say it, but he also couldn’t just _not_ say it. Hux, taciturn, sarcastic, pain in the ass Hux, actually laughed. True, it wasn’t a ‘ _haha_ ’ sort of laugh, more of a weak chuckle really, but it counted. It definitely, totally counted. Because Hux laughed. Armitage laughed. The brief flare in the ginger’s Force presence was nearly palpable.

Hux quickly schooled his features. “I did no such thing.”

Lips stretching wide and mischievous, Kylo grinned. “You totally did. You laughed. I got Hux to laugh.” He chuckled a little himself. “Stars, I should get a medal for that.”

The green eyes glaring pointedly at Kylo narrowed further. “I’ll be sure to pin it to your chest. Nice and deep.”

Rolling his eyes, Kylo walked off the mat to stand before Hux. “It would be an honor, your majesty.”

They were quiet for a minute, staring the other down, before Hux then exhaled heavily in exasperation with a shake of his head, all as if to say Kylo were the most insufferable man in the galaxy. Which wasn’t fair because that title absolutely went to Hux. Or they were at least on par with one another.

“Just gather your things, Ren. I’m exhausted and starving, and I would bet every credit of your salary that you haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

Kylo opened his mouth to deny that rude assertion, but quickly shut it.

“That’s what I thought,” Hux said with a self-satisfied smirk.

“Blah blah blah, self important ass,” Kylo mumbled as he dropped the broken wood beside the door and went to put on his boots and grab his towel, comm, and datapad.

He was wiping his face off as he stopped in front of Hux again, and when he opened his eyes, he saw the man examining him. The intelligent green eyes were very clearly tracing the line of pale, shimmering skin that made up the white pink of Kylo’s scar, parts of the bit on his shoulder visible due to the thin strap of his undershirt.

Without preamble, Hux asked, “How did you get that scar, Ren?”

“Why do you care?” Kylo countered with a slightly narrowed brow and faint pout, the change of mood in the room rapid and unwanted. “You once said it didn’t matter, if I recall.”

“I meant in regards to your capability it told me nothing. That doesn’t mean I can’t be curious about how it did in fact occur.”

Kylo looked away. “I got it in a fight,” he stated quietly.

The ginger raised his usual pale brow, clearly not finding that satisfactory and wanting to urge him on. However, this time, Kylo didn’t want to divulge. He sidestepped Hux smoothly and pressed the panel beside the entrance to open the door.

“And who won this fight of yours?” Hux asked from behind him, a strange mix of curiosity and perhaps confusion in his timbre.

“It wasn’t that sort of fight,” Kylo replied softly, then closed his mouth and thusly the subject.

He was already a few steps into the corridor before Hux joined up beside him, remaining thankfully quiet and not poking at the wound Kylo had to again reseal. Hux might have the similar habit of enjoying prodding Kylo the way Kylo did Hux, but lately they had both come to know when to stop. Most of the time.

Knowing Hux, the man surely already knew that the answer to his question was one with weight and depth. Kylo knew that there was no way Hux’s curiosity had abated, not with his perception of what interesting things might be hidden within the answer. Kylo was especially sure that Hux’s curiosity had grown from beginning to end of his question alone since Kylo could occasionally feel the man’s gaze on him. Flickers, sometimes short, sometimes lingering, but never did Hux say anything more on the subject. They walked in silence back to Hux’s rooms where Kylo took a quick sonic shower and changed, and then afterward the pair went to receive the dinner they were both starving for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have part/chapter one! 
> 
> I took a bit of a liberty when interpreting the Force in this particular story, giving it an almost visual quality, like an aura. It’s not exactly like that, there isn’t any color, it’s more a level of brightness, a nearly visual equivalent of the strength of someone’s presence. Things like how controlled or loud someone is can be measured in that brightness, which is evident in how Kylo ‘sees’ Hux’s presence in the Force. Hopefully you guys understand what I was going for. ^^;
> 
> On another note, I don’t know about you guys, but I felt bad for little Rey even though I was the one ripping Ben away from her. I even teared up a little as I wrote that part. I doubt anyone else will, but to be fair I was seeing it play out in my head rather than reading the far less stirring version my hands managed to create.
> 
>  
> 
>  _Anyways_ … If you like it so far, any and all forms of love are appreciated!! <3


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to say thank you so very much for the feedback and kudos on part one!!! <3<3
> 
> Secondly, I’m sorry I took a while longer to get this part up than I’d initially intended. For some reason during my final re-reads and edits this part just never felt like it was ‘ready’. I’m not sure why and it was driving me nuts too, but regardless, here it is now!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it :)

Kylo could almost feel as Hux shifted his eyes to him yet again while they walked down the unfamiliar corridor. The hall was wide and rather flamboyantly decorated compared to the Hux estate, and the lighting much brighter as well. Even the atmosphere seemed flavored and over the top.

"You’ve been awfully touchy since we arrived, Ren," Hux finally said, even but curious. "Something the matter?"

He had indeed been somewhat ill-tempered since they arrived just a few hours prior to the home of Senator Loren, his rather gaudy manor located on Naboo. In fact, Kylo had already been less than enthused for several days, beginning when he learned where they were to be heading in the first place.

"I’m fine," he replied through a clenched jaw.

"You’re hardly fine, Ren. You’ve been sullen and snappish for two days now. I’m surprised you’ve restrained yourself enough not to bite someone’s head off yet."

Kylo turned a glare on the man but Hux remained as impassive to it as ever.

There wasn’t really that much bothering him, nothing terribly particular anyway. Although he was never too fond of when they travelled, especially when said outgoings were prompted by more than mere business. It was simply that the planet itself brought about reminders of his past, fleeting connections but connections nonetheless. It was the memories those connections stirred, leading to more memories, and in the end Kylo would be caught within his own tumultuous mind, always stumbling against the edge of a dark entropy of his own making.

"Hm," Hux suddenly intoned, "You’ve also been doing that fairly often as well."

Kylo refocused on Hux with a puzzled tilt of his head. "Doing what?"

"Staring off, getting lost in some deep, dark reverie I’m sure." The man was smirking, his cadence bordering on teasing, and Kylo was stuck between annoyance and gratitude for easing the weight on his mind.

"I…" Kylo huffed loudly, "I’m just not that fond of being here."

Hux quirked a pale brow, incredulity on his face. "You’ve never been here, Ren. Unless you’ve got some far-reaching connections I hadn’t anticipated you capable of."

"No, not _here_ here," Kylo rolled his eyes, gesturing around him. "I mean this planet."

"Right. I know it should surprise me that you have a personal vendetta with an entire planet, but honestly, it doesn’t." That edge of humor again, no doubt mocking.

Kylo frowned, looking back to the hall and glaring down on the ugly deep blue carpeting that lined the center of the otherwise polished marble floor. Kylo had never longed for the simple, nearly ascetic style of the Hux estate more than he did right now.

"I don’t have a vendetta," he grumbled.

"Well whatever it is you have, I’d appreciate it if you could tone down your displeasure."

"What—"

Hux ignored the fact Kylo had begun to speak and simply continued on, starting to adjust the black leather of his gloves.

"While your silence is often a benefit of that brooding personality of yours, it’s better when you’re merely a shadow and not a hostile one. At least not when in the company of allies; put them off when it’s necessary, not cordial."

They came to a stop before a set of white doors, Kylo about to retort, mouth open and eyes narrowed, until Hux swiftly raised a hand to hush him. It took a moment, but soon Kylo sensed the approach of two persons on the opposite side of the door they waited at. He reluctantly returned to a more appropriate stance for a bodyguard—less petulant, Hux would say—and did his best to school his expression into one of indifference. Or as close as he could manage with his churning emotions still twisting his gut.

When the doors pushed open, Hux stepped forward. One of the two, a man, moved to join Hux’s approach when they locked eyes, a smile illuminating the man’s handsome face.

"Hux, my friend. How are you?"

"Senator Loren, it’s been too long." The ginger’s greeting was uncomfortably soft and fluid.

The unnatural timbre of Hux’s voice made Kylo desperately want to groan. He hated when Hux wasn’t Hux, especially the versions that were demure or sickly sweet. When they continued exchanging greetings, Kylo couldn’t stop how his lip and brow twitched irately as the two men kissed the cheek of the other.

"It has," the Senator grinned, "But I’m pleased you could attend this year."

"As am I."

The double doors closed behind the pair and the Senator gracefully ushered Hux back toward the corridor.

"If I recall, you were held back by more than mere business," Loren remarked conversationally.

Hux nodded, his hands locking behind his back as per the norm. "Yes, at the time I was also without a personal bodyguard."

"But I see you’ve rectified that." The Senator cast a sharp blue eye toward Kylo, who trailed behind the two men, walking beside a rather tall young woman who must be the Senator’s own bodyguard. The man’s gaze was pointed and scrutinizing, but the moment lasted briefly.

"True," Hux affirmed, "Though Ren here is the seventh since we last met."

Loren chuckled, lightly patting Hux’s arm in a seemingly friendly gesture, "I forgot how often you go through staff." Before withdrawing, the man stroked his white-gloved fingers farther down Hux’s arm, the movement subtle but suggestive. Kylo seethed silently at that, especially how Hux did nothing to admonish it.

"Primarily bodyguards," Hux casually corrected, his words still too soft and edging on out of character for Kylo’s liking. "And it’s hardly my own proclivity, is it Loren? You tend to go through several yourself."

"Yes, but it’s never easy to maintain a life outside the Senate when someone you spend so many hours of the day with is pining after you."

Hux huffed lightly. "You know, it would help if you stopped sleeping with them."

"It did make things difficult whenever I sought out more pleasurable company." Loren cast a lidded glance toward Hux, a provocative smirk curling his lips.

It took everything Kylo had not to groan yet again, his urge even more desperate than before. The Senator’s presence almost smacked him with the man’s arousal, his emotions a tangle of nothing but interest and intent toward Hux. While Hux didn’t appear to reciprocate the expression or earlier touch, nor did his own bright presence have any noticeable shift, Kylo could already sense how this trip was going to go. He had hoped so much that this would be one of the events where Hux merely chatted, however it was plainly obvious that his wishes were ignored. Kylo also wasn’t too pleased about how attractive Senator Loren was either. Next to him, Kylo was downright dreadful.

Hux tipped his head slightly toward the Senator. "I suspect that’s why your current guard is female."

"Indeed," the man nodded. "It’s certainly been far more helpful, but perhaps a little less entertaining."

"You hardly want for entertainment, Loren," Hux chuckled faintly. "You live on Naboo."

"Very true." The man grinned wide.

They suddenly stopped before another pair of doors, or Kylo felt as though it was sudden. He’d been too focused on the conversation going on just a few feet ahead of him, hating when Hux would laugh in any fashion so easily when the _real_ Hux was damn near impossible to rouse that way. The Senator entered a code into the panel beside the entrance and, upon hearing the lock click, the man gripped the handle and pulled it open.

"Ready for a few hours of boredom, my friend?"

"I’m sure I’ll not be the one wanting for diversion." Hux flicked a barely there smirk at Kylo, his eyes teasing, the real Hux slipping through just for a chance to mock Kylo.

Biting his lip to keep from snapping back, Kylo merely glowered at his charge, crossing his arms tight over his chest. Though Hux certainly wasn’t lying, Kylo didn’t much appreciate being teased in front of others. The woman beside him, exceptionally tall—a few inches more than him even—, strong and imposing, had been incredibly quiet and her aura in the Force, as well as her mind, were perfectly steady and calm. He supposed he didn’t mind her as she probably couldn’t care less, but Kylo could have lived just fine without _that man_ seeing or hearing Hux mock him.

Kylo and the woman beside him followed the two into the wide chamber, several other people already there, and it appeared that quite a few of said guests had a shadow of their own as well, each looming silently behind their employer. What joy. Kylo loved being an accessory. The only good thing about having to stand in on these mind-numbing assemblies was watching and listening to Hux as he worked his slender fingers into every little piece of whatever topic was being discussed and whoever happened to be present. At least in these meetings, no matter where, Hux was—mostly—always _Hux_. Unfortunately that didn’t make Kylo’s itching desire to leave much easier to endure.

_Stars_ , Kylo couldn’t wait until the next couple days were over and done with.

 

**\--//--**

 

 Kylo loved Naboo.

Okay, perhaps love was a stretch, but Kylo most definitely did not hate it the way he had just an hour earlier. What changed his mind was that Hux on Naboo might have made his heart stop, and his pants tighten.

From the beginning Kylo had always considered Hux brilliant, his presence in the Force was like a star, so bright and fierce, so intense that if anyone were to stray too close they would surely burn up. Now, dressed as he was, Hux evoked and thus became the brilliance of a star more than he’d ever been before. The one thing Kylo wished was that the person at his side was _him_ and not Senator Loren, who looked annoyingly handsome and elegant, and next to Hux the two became a virtually untouchable pair, a complementary duo both ethereal and gorgeous.

Hux’s attire tonight was vastly different from anything Kylo had seen before. It was very ‘Naboo’ and yet subdued enough to be a Hux version of Nabooian high fashion, though that hardly made it very close to Hux’s usual. His hair was softened much like it often was during these social events, though there was a bit more body and a little wave to it, the fringe swept across his brow and bits framing his face. The crown of ginger was practically a halo, highlighting the gold that Hux wore so perfectly. His eyelids were lined with a glittering streak of gilded makeup, his high cheekbones tinted with a shimmer of the color, and his full lips were rouged in gold rather than their natural pink. On his right ear he wore a cuff similar to ones he had donned on occasion before. This piece was golden, dazzling and delicate, chains of thin white strands hung down in three loops, one end connected to the top of the cuff and the other to Hux’s lobe. The only other piece of jewelry he wore was a golden band wrapped in a single curl around his upper left arm, the ends rounded and with an inlay of pearl.

The freckles of red gold speckling his narrow shoulders seemed more prominent, barred like his arms and touched just slightly with shimmering gold like his cheeks, though at the elbow the hem of forearm length gloves, white and silk, hid any more of Hux’s pale skin. A short collar at his neck, the fabric white and lined with golden embroidery, the tailored piece covered his slender torso, the hem of one side ending at the top of his hip then sloping farther down until mid thigh on the opposite side. The back was open starting just above his shoulder blades, the fabric tapering in at his hips until forming a V at the dimples of his lower back, allowing the near flawless skin, only lightly freckled here and there, to show. A border of sheer gilded fabric was exposed at the trimmed edges. Around his waist was a thick golden sash wound several times and coming up over his left shoulder, returned snuggly beneath the band cinching Hux’s slim waistline, and then continued to drape down his back to the floor. Rather than trousers, beneath the sleeveless tunic was a thin not quite gossamer gown, the color as radiant as the other golden aspects, hidden mostly until his hips where the tunic ended and a few inches down his thigh a slit in the flowing fabric began. The piece seemed to glisten much like the embroidery on the tunic, the hem ending at the knee and fluttering longer and longer to create a gradual rippling effect until it hit the floor. The boots Hux wore looked delicate, not unlike the rest of his outfit, the wide brim reaching a few inches above his ankle, white and heeled.

Perhaps one of Kylo’s favorite changes to the ginger’s usual attire was the appearance of Hux’s legs. And those legs, porcelain and smooth, long and lean, were barred to the world like his arms and shoulder and back. Kylo couldn’t remember the last time he so desperately wanted to touch someone like he did the moment he saw Hux that night, like he did every second he watched the man chat amongst the other guests. He was angelic, resplendent.

The real sting was that unlike Kylo, Senator Loren appeared to have the privilege Kylo wanted, craved even. Yet, side-by-side, they looked as though they were created for one another, and seeing that made Kylo burn. Not just in jealously, but shame, embarrassment. He knew Hux had always been beyond him, but seeing his charge next to someone who seemed so perfect for him, so much of everything Kylo could never be, only made the emotions more difficult to bear. And for a while now Kylo had been feeling that weight more and more.

Senator Loren was dressed in silvers and blues, his hair was blonde, so pale it could almost be white, and his eyes were azure and deep. If Hux was a star, a brilliant sun, this man was a moon. Every brush he made along Hux’s fair skin, his lingering gaze full of intent, his thin lips pressing close to Hux’s ear, barely needing to tip his head up to reach it, was analogous to the moon eclipsing the sun. Loren was somehow absorbing the brilliance of Hux, keeping it to himself, hoarding it all and waiting until he could claim it. And, frustratingly, Hux was responding in kind, making the man glow, allowing his brilliance to be taken, turning them into a pair when Hux clearly outshined the Senator in every way.

Kylo had noticed early on when he first accompanied Hux to a meeting comprised of a few men and Senator Hux that the ginger was not just brilliant in the Force, but in mind as well. Over time Kylo came to realize that Hux was a skilled orator, clever strategist, and an exceedingly proficient manipulator. He also learned that the man would, for some absurd and unknown reason, pull out those manipulation skills, woven with his cunning mind and silver tongue, whenever they attended these events. Whether the people he spoke to were ones he took to bed or not, Hux could shift skins so easily, so perfectly, to get what he wanted. What Kylo couldn’t fathom was why Hux wasted that talent on his quite varied bed partners, several of which Kylo was simply at a loss to what possible reason the ginger would ever be interested in them.

The Senator, however, as much as Kylo abhorred thinking it, made sense. The man was certainly attractive, both in face and form. If Hux were going to change himself to seduce anyone, Loren wasn’t a poor choice. Although that didn’t keep Kylo from feeling any better about the fact Hux did it at all. If the ginger never took any of the people he spoke with to bed, Kylo would find the entire thing fascinating and entertaining.

Hux brushed a finger up Loren’s arm, a strangely coy smile on his face and in his half-lidded eyes, looking up from beneath his pale feather lashes. He tentatively trailed the backs of his slender gloved digits along the man’s angular jaw, tracing up to the shell of his ear to brush at a few strands of white blonde hair. Hux whispered something close to the man, keeping his head tipped a little away as if shy, their bodies nearly pressed together and the Senator’s hand at Hux’s lower back. Likely allowing a few fingers to caress the bare skin exposed there.

Kylo was digging his nails into his palms, the leather the only thing keeping him from savaging little bloody half moons into his skin. He watched Hux step away, easy and graceful, keeping his currently dark and demure green eyes, not pale and sharp as they should be, on Loren who was watching with rapt attention. Hux raised a finger to urge patience and flashed him a small smile, before looking away and setting his gaze on Kylo.

The man’s expression shifted then, back to one Kylo knew, back to one that was Hux. When he got closer, Hux caught a flute of some pink colored cocktail, eyeing Kylo every step of the way. His narrow hips swaying, the last few inches of his sparkling gown and golden sash trailing along the polished floor behind him.

"Your mood seems as foul as before," Hux remarked coolly as he stopped before Kylo.

Kylo narrowed his eyes, "I haven’t had much reason to lessen it."

A pale brow raised, Hux’s golden lips on the rim of the glass as he took a drink. His red gold lashes seemed to glitter as he blinked slowly before lowering the glass.

"Is that so?"

Pouting a little, Kylo leaned further into the wall he rested on. "What brings you to my sullen corner then? Is the Senator boring you?"

Hux scoffed, "I’d hardly call the Senator boring. Though he is rather predictable." Hux glanced behind himself, catching notice of the man conversing with someone.

When Hux turned back he easily observed the curiosity Kylo didn’t bother hiding.

"Do you think otherwise?" Hux asked, vague curiosity in his tone.

Kylo looked to where the Senator still lingered as well, chatting animatedly to his guests with an annoyingly charming smile. "I think he’s self-satisfied in his own assumed importance. He’s a cliché."

A faint grin curled Hux’s rouged lips. "A cliché is a very apt way of putting it, yes." Hux flicked his gaze back over his shoulder again, swirling his drink as he watched the Senator. "At least he’s pretty."

Furrowing his dark brow, Kylo tilted his head absentmindedly when Hux spoke, the man’s voice falling until it held a soft, not quite doleful quality, almost like a verbal sigh not fully meant to be heard. The sound of the words, the tenor in Hux’s typically pleasant accent, was one Kylo had noted on occasion. Always fluttering by—much like several of Hux’s unspoken sentiments did—, and before Kylo could even contemplate it, the second would pass and the emotion be gone from the ginger’s face and presence.

And so it did again.

Hux turned his attention back toward Kylo, shrugging one bare shoulder with another scarcely audible sigh before taking a sip of his drink. A sudden flash of light swept by the broad transparisteel wall at their left and Hux seemed to illuminate, too brilliant, too soft and glowing. The shine of the gilded shimmer on his cheeks and eyelids glistened along with the crystal of the glass he held. Kylo wanted to touch him so badly still, to reach out and brush his fingers along Hux’s cheek, Armitage’s cheek. To see if he could feel the blaze of the man before him, even if it meant he’d be scorched and consumed, because already he burned just by being near Hux.

Always mesmerized, Kylo couldn’t help how all his thoughts that night coalesced, and before he could catch himself, a sentence escaped his lips.

"How are you real?"

Hux jerked his head up, those piercing green eyes widening for a moment, his lips parted. "What?"

Realizing his stupidity and flustered even more by Hux’s reaction, Kylo straightened, fists tight and jaw tense. "You came over for a reason, yes? Are you ready to leave?" Kylo kept the bite out of his question, almost pleased to have the excuse of Hux’s activities to get him out of the beyond awkward moment he’d just created. Almost.

Hux’s lashes fluttered as he seemed to settle himself, then turned his head, looking on at the crowd of guests with an unreadable expression.

"Yes. I’ll be joining the Senator in his rooms for a few hours."

Kylo kept his own eyes away from Hux and nodded in understanding. For a brief moment he could feel the weight of the man’s gaze return to him and it made his skin tingle, the hairs stand on end.

"Follow me then," Hux quietly ordered, voice smooth and impassive.

 

**\--//--**

 

Kylo wasn’t sure if he’d been thankful or horrified by the presence of Senator Loren’s bodyguard with him in the antechamber of the man’s rooms while they waited for their respective charges to…finish.

The woman was as quiet as she seemed earlier that day and didn’t say too much during the time they were alone together. He’d learned her name was Phasma and she had been working for the Senator for about six months. She found the job uneventful, but it paid well and she and the Senator’s apparently cute assistant had a thing going on. Other than that Phasma had either paid him no mind or watched him with an uncomfortable perception that almost reminded Kylo of Hux and his uncanny ability to read others. Kylo had been constantly worried she would say something about how flustered he was, how restless, but in the end she didn’t comment on any of it.

When Kylo’s personal torture was finally over, he walked back with Hux to their rooms, shifting glances to the man every few seconds. Hux was, unsurprisingly, disheveled, like he so often was after such ‘talks’, as Hux had once called them. And, not uncommonly either, he was very quiet and rather blank. The brilliance of his presence in the Force was as unwavering as his features, both kept so in control. There was once a time when Kylo might have thought the stoicism was because the ginger was indeed nothing but a cold, emotionless being of his father’s careful design, callous and demanding to the very center of his icy core, but Kylo knew better. Although he still didn’t know why Hux was nearly always detached like this after what was most definitely sex. True, everyone was different when it came to the after effects, though generally one became lighter, unwound and more at ease after release, whether quietly or not. But Hux went in complete reverse of that, so much so that Kylo was always left with the impression that somehow something was off. He couldn’t say if it was the Force or his own human intuition needling him with the feeling, yet, regardless of how he perceived it, Kylo simply couldn’t figure out what it was.

As soon as they were in their guest quarters Kylo decided to take a chance.

"Why do you do it?"

Hux stopped in the middle of the small sitting area, no doubt having been headed for his bedroom.

"Do what, Ren?"

Kylo’s understanding of Hux wasn’t perfect—far from it, really—, but one thing he did know well was that Hux _always_ knew. He was perceptive and intelligent and was fully aware of exactly what Kylo was asking.

"You know what, Hux." He kept his response level and calm.

"I’ve told you before."

"Yes, but that was also before. This is now, this is after over two months of me playing your shadow.’

Hux’s now ungloved hands were at his sides, his arms tense and fists tight as they flexed from opened to closed. "I don’t know what answer you expect to hear, Ren." Despite the visible tension, Hux sounded just as cold as he ever did after his ‘talks.’

"Maybe a plausible one?" Kylo countered, trying to stop the frustration he felt from escaping.

"I already gave you one. If you’re not satisfied that’s your problem, not mine."

Without giving Kylo another chance to protest, Hux went swiftly to his room and shut the door, effectively ending the conversation and perhaps any other chance to address it. Kylo sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair as he stared at the door, the glow of Hux just beyond it and still steady and unchanging.

This night had been a tangle of so many things; any that ended in Kylo trapped guarding Hux’s fuck sessions tended to be that way. Every one becoming more twisted than the last.

Sighing again, Kylo dropped his hands and went to his own room, shutting the door quietly behind him then stripping out of his formal attire. He wanted a shower, a nice long shower with real water where he could wash away the stress, wash away the confusion, the anger, and wash away the guilt as he let himself burn up in memories, fantasies, of Hux.

Flicking on the shower, Kylo made sure the water was hot, filling the room with steam and fogging the mirror to hide his scarred being from view. He stood for several minutes under the steady stream, eyes closed as he soaked himself, his waves of black hair becoming inky, like a void. When every breath felt thick and humid, Kylo started to let his mind and hands wander.

Ginger and golden, elegant, beautiful, and so so soft, Kylo imagined that they’d never gone to the Senator’s chambers. He imagined that instead, Kylo had pulled the man aside into a shadowed corner, an empty room. Hux would be annoyed and flustered, his cheeks pinkened just a little, the gold and rose highlighting the barely there freckles dotting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, ones so faint a person had to be right up close to spot them.

Before Hux could say anything Kylo would kiss those lips, finally _finally_ taste the man who must be a tantalizing cocktail of bitter and sweet just as he was sharp and delicate. Kylo would press Hux into the wall, slide a hand to his bare back, grazing over the sash, moving lower and lower until his large palm slipped down into the bottom of the tunic, and push them together so every line and curve of their bodies would touch. Hux would fit against him so well, slender, only a little shorter. Their kisses would be fierce, a back and forth like when they’d argue, intense and addictive. Running tongues and teeth along lips, nipping and sucking, the gold of Hux’s rouge would be smeared across both their mouths.

Outside the fantasy, Kylo lightly ran his fingertips along his half hard cock, trembling at the sensation. His fingers circled the tip, his thumb pressing into the slit before trailing back to the root. He gently gripped his balls, rolling them in his hand, his hips bucking suddenly at the thought of grinding against Hux, pressing that hand he held at the man’s lower back to force them to rut into one another.

He’d groan in Hux’s ear, lick the shell as Hux dug those deft fingers of his into Kylo’s hair, gripping tight as he moaned in response.

Kylo started to stroke his cock, slow and lazy, as he spoke softly to himself, to the Hux in his fantasy.

"Please, _please_ , let me fuck you." His exhales were heavy as he begged, moving his hips forward and back just a little and stifling another groan as Hux drew him closer.

"Then fuck me," Hux whispered in response, seductive, wanting and challenging in that breathy voice.

His hips bucked into his fist again, groaning at the thought, at the unreal memory of Hux’s breath at his ear.

He would draw back and kiss Hux desperately again, the pair moaning into each other’s mouths as they grinded their hips, their clothed erections aching from the friction. Running a hand farther down, Kylo gripped Hux’s ass, squeezing tight and eating up the surprised gasp.

"Turn around," he ordered softly against the man’s lips.

Hux grinned, that mischievous smirk, and licked into Kylo’s mouth, nipping his bottom lip as he withdrew before letting go and turned, pushing his hips back so his ass was on display.

Pumping his hand in reality, twisting on the upstroke, Kylo bit his lip at the sight in his head.

He’d push the glittering, near diaphanous gown aside, revealing that Hux was bare, no undergarments of any kind. His ass was perfect, so perfect, small and round and tight in his hands, each cheek fitting his palms just right. Kylo leaned in, trailing the tip of his nose up from the top of the cleft, brushing his lips on Hux’s lower back, the skin silky and warm. Kylo would brush back down, biting lightly on the pert cheeks, his hands travelling farther to Hux’s smooth, lean thighs, the muscle wiry beneath the softness. When he caressed back up Kylo would carefully part those cheeks, wanting to bury his face between them, take in Hux’s musky scent and tease the ginger’s pink hole mercilessly with his tongue as he opened him up.

Instead, Kylo would find the shine of a plug, gilded and gleaming to match the rest of him.

Kylo stroked himself harder at the thought of Hux plugging himself, at the sounds the man would make when Kylo jostled the plug, pressing and teasing against his prostate, causing his slim hips to buck forward in need.

"What’s this?" Kylo would ask, pushing against the golden base.

" _Ahh!_ For…for you.’ Hux would look back, eyes blown black with desire. "I wanted to be ready for you."

"I thought you were going to see the Senator?" Kylo pushed harder, making Hux gasp and squirm.

The man shook his head, "No, you, I want you."

Kylo bit his lip in his fantasy and in reality, his aching cock now so hard in both worlds.

Slowly, Kylo would ease the plug out, his cock twitching as he watched Hux clench on nothing, desperate to be full again. He’d trace a finger around that stretched hole, making the man clench again and again at the touch, little mewls escaping him, his slender body jerking back unconsciously for more, for anything.

"Ren, please."

"Shh, babe, I’ve got you." His finger slid into the slick entrance, another following as he thrust slow and teasing. Hux pushed back, trying to ride Kylo’s thick fingers.

" _Stars_ , Ren, fuck me _please_!"

He nodded eagerly and stood, undoing the front of his trousers and pulling out his cock, pumping a few times and spreading the slick he’d gotten on his fingers, the lube practically dripping from Hux now.

Lining up, Kylo pressed the flushed head of his cock against Hux’s hole, gripping the man’s hips firmly, and started easing his way in. Thrusting in a little, then drawing back, again and again until he bottomed out, Hux panting and whimpering and Kylo not much better.

" _Fuck_ Ren." Hux rolled back into Kylo, causing him to groan and buck forward, forcing a startled gasp from the ginger.

Kylo was leaning against the wall of the shower, his forearm keeping him up as his hand stroked slow and tight, imagining how Hux would feel. All Kylo could know for sure was that Hux would feel amazing.

In his head, Kylo drew back and in again, quickly gaining a steady pace. Every thrust pushed a sound out of Hux, and every sound urged Kylo on.

" _Fuck_ ," Hux moaned, "Faster, _harder_!"

Kylo took a hand from Hux’s hip and wrapped it around his waist, pulling him close as he sped up his pace, grunting and panting against Hux’s neck every few thrusts.

The man reached a hand around to bury in Kylo’s hair, "Yes, _stars_ yes, fuck!"

The heat of the fresher might as well have been the heat of their bodies, Kylo thrusting fervently into his fist, his opposite hand twined in his own hair. He turned his head to brush his lips lightly along his upper arm, imaging it was Hux’s neck, his shoulder, the dampness of the water and steam becoming the sweat on the ginger’s skin.

"Hux," he gasped, " _Nngh_ , Hux, _oh_   _fffuck_."

Kylo thrust harder, faster, visualizing every beat of his hips against Hux’s ass, his cock buried so deep in that heat, tight and perfect. So perfect, Hux was so perfect.

"Perfect, perfect," he’d whisper like a mantra, a prayer. "You’re so gorgeous, Hux, so good, so perfect."

Hux would grip his hair tighter, turn his head so their lips could join, devour each other messily as they built their pleasure.

"That’s it, that’s it. _Ahhnn_ , fuck Ren, _Kylo_ , I’m so close," Hux panted eagerly. " _Ah! Ah! AH!_ S-so close!"

Inside and outside his fantasy Kylo moaned loud at the thought, the very idea of Hux saying his first name, moaning it, begging him for more, begging him for release. His pace increased, feeling his own climax rising, every delicious thrust into his fist as he leaned against the wall was Hux. It was Hux against the wall, it was Hux he buried himself into, gripping him, burning him, building him up so high the fall would be more than worth it.

"Kylo, touch me, touch me _please_!" Hux whined into Kylo’s mouth, desperately joining his every thrust, hard and fast and jarring them both every time.

In his mind, Kylo reached around, the gossamer gown nothing compared to the silky skin of Hux’s cock, hard and throbbing in his grip. Kylo imagined his fist was both Hux’s ass and his grip on Hux’s cock, pumping in time with his thrusts.

Kylo was close, he was so close, but he wanted his Hux to come first, always Hux came first.

The man’s ginger crowned head tilted back onto his shoulder, moaning and gasping at the stimulus from both sides. The friction, the drag of Hux’s walls along his shaft, all of it was so unbearably tantalizing, so perfect. Always perfect.

"Ah! Nngh, _AH_ , fuck! Kylo _, Kylo,_ I’m AH _AAHHH_!"

Nails dug into his scalp, Kylo’s own mimicking the action, as the Hux of his fantasy climaxed, Kylo fucking and milking him through his high. Kylo clenched his fist rhythmically as he simulated the feel of Hux’s hole pulsating around him as he came.

"Fuck," he groaned, "F-fuck, Hux." His thrusts stuttered as the pressure he felt building threatened to burst, his thighs trembling beneath him. He clawed the wall, "Fuck, _uhn_ , _Armitage_ ," he gasped loudly.

With a shout, he came, his thrusts uneven as he imagined himself coming in Hux, filling him, brushing his nose, his lips, his tongue along Hux’s neck and up his jaw.

"Armitage, Armitage," he whispered into the steam filled air, the water no longer hot but warm as the pleasure forced him to drop against the wall, his legs barely keeping him upright.

Kylo opened his eyes slowly, the fantasy hazy as he watched the water fall around him, drips running down his body, slipping off his lashes and chin.

As the intensity faded into a pleasant humming afterglow, his breaths easing from the pants and groans he’d made, Kylo felt the ache trying to take over. Tight in his chest, clawing into his throat and leaking into his gut, a pressure so very different from the one he’d just had. For weeks it seemed to steadily grow, each time stronger than the last, and each time leaving him feeling hollow in a way Kylo wasn’t familiar with.

Pain was something Kylo knew, but this pain he didn’t. It was similar to old ones, ones from a time he’d long buried—as best as he could at least—, but despite the resemblance, it was distinctly different.

When Kylo was with Hux, even when they argued or the man annoyed the shit out of him, Kylo was actually happy. That was another thing Kylo hadn’t felt in a long time, something he’d resigned himself to never knowing again. Yet, as much as that was so, Hux also pained him. Being with Hux was as much a dichotomy as the man himself could be.

Similar to how Hux would tease him, Kylo pretended at times like these that he _was_ stupid. Because then it would be so much easier to believe that the pain was nothing beyond the lingerings of guilt or shame, and not something more. Something Kylo couldn’t name, refused to name. Growing every day, stronger and stronger. Dangerous.

Each time Kylo succumbed to his thoughts, his foolish fantasies, he would tell himself it would be the last time, that he had to stop. If he stopped, maybe the ache would lessen and maybe he could reverse it before it was too late. Before Kylo fell all the way, fell too far, fell so hard that he never wanted to get up even if he _could_ climb back out.

Kylo shut the water off, allowed the air to slowly chill his skin, will the burn away again.

Hux wasn’t his. _Armitage was not his_. And Kylo would have to make sure he never let himself get too lost into thinking that the man ever could be.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

"Armitage." Senator Hux spoke with a stern tone. 

"Father." Hux was just as hard in his response.

And Kylo was trapped right outside the room while the pair was in the midst of an argument.

Father-son arguments were far from new to Kylo, they were practically old friends, both traditional and obscure styles of them. But the Senator and his son somehow managed to beat out every fight Kylo had ever had with Han.

The two spoke with steady voices, never raising them but exuding force in their usual volume instead. The tension radiating from the room was beyond palpable, it was stifling, near suffocating, and Kylo could feel the emotions of both men pressing in on him as well, tightly controlled but forcing at edges of an unseen barrier. The particulars hidden, but the chaos of them noticeable, both in the brilliance of Hux’s and the boldness of the Senator’s.

"I gave you exactly what you asked for," Hux said.

"You gave me nothing of value."

"It is hardly my fault if you find what you asked for isn’t what you really wanted." Hux’s delivery was much like a snapping response, but his timbre was still smooth.

Kylo could feel the anger growing in the older man. It made him anxious, a part of him standing on end with the need to protect Hux despite him not truly being in danger.

"Perhaps if you worked harder, were more clever, we wouldn’t have these problems."

"More clever? _Worked harder_?" Hux definitely raised his voice then, not much but certainly above the earlier level, his father’s words seemingly the final push. "If you find I’m so inadequate at my _job_ , perhaps you should take over instead, _sir_."

The bite in Hux’s words was made all the more powerful by the still relatively even delivery. The volume of his voice barely raised and just a tad harsher perhaps, yes, but that intensity only added to it as well. The emotions that escaped the ginger came and went, shaking free but being quickly smothered back into hiding within the growing brilliance of his presence in the Force. Hux was furious in a way Kylo had never seen nor felt before. The man was hiding much of it, but Kylo could tell, he could taste the anger, feel it charging the air and vibrating on his skin.

"Don’t you take that tone with me, boy," the Senator nearly snarled, his clipped words shaking as he held it back. His restraint seemed closer to breaking than his son’s.

"I’ll take whatever tone I chose, _sir_ ," Hux remarked derisively. "If you can’t do the work yourself don’t thrust your criticisms on those who do."

Kylo quickly jerked away from the entrance when he felt Hux approaching it. The dark durasteel door slid open, the Senator’s office on the modernized side of the estate, revealing a room that hit Kylo like a punch with the emotions that filled it.

"Armitage—"

Hux paused at the threshold, glancing to the side. "I got you what you wanted. I always do. So take what you’re given and be grateful you have anything at all."

He stepped past the door and those green eyes, sharp as knives, locked on Kylo’s. "Ren." He spoke in passing and swept on by, expecting Kylo to follow.

For a brief moment Kylo seized the chance to look into the room before the door slid shut. The Senator had a furious scowl on his face, resembling one Hux wore on occasion, and unlike his usual poised posture, the older man was leaning forward against a desk with his fists balled tight. As the door shut, Kylo jerked away and made to follow after Hux, who had nearly stomped his way a good distance down the hall in the short period of time.

Kylo joined up beside the man, flicking his eyes to him on occasion as they walked at a swift pace. Irrationally, he felt compelled to speak, to ask or say something. While busy fighting that urge, the part of him that wanted to actually cheer Hux up was trying to think of something that could realistically accomplish that. They reached Hux’s rooms before much of anything had managed to formulate in Kylo’s mind.

Almost immediately after entering, Hux went directly for the polished cabinet filled with his assorted collection of alcohol, all held in sleek clear decanters. The ginger had already downed one glass of something with an amber hue by the time Kylo came up with anything remotely worth saying. And it honestly wasn’t all that good, or really worth saying. Or smart even. But Kylo wanted Hux to talk, he wanted to calm him, comfort him. It was a relatively foreign sensation, but then again Hux aroused many peculiar feelings in him.

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Kylo crossed his arms. "I take it your meeting with your father didn’t go too well."

Hux looked up at him from where he hunched over the cabinet, his drink in hand. His expression said exactly what Hux didn’t need to, exactly what Kylo would have expected. So rather than voice anything in direct response, Hux simply scoffed with a roll of his eyes and then quickly downed another glass.

"Sometimes I really question your intelligence level, Ren."

Kylo frowned. "Pardon me for trying to alleviate the tension."

"You’re my bodyguard, not my friend. I don’t _need_ you to alleviate any tension."

Hux’s glare was strong as he rounded the cabinet, walking toward the sitting area. Kylo glowered right back, glad the irritation stayed prominent on his face so the sting of Hux’s words didn’t show.

"Well, as your _bodyguard_ , I have to care for your well-being." Kylo observed as Hux began to pace rather than sit as he had thought the man was going to do. "You’re wound so tight you’re liable to snap at the slightest pressure."

"I’m perfectly fine, Ren." Hux’s index finger tapped against the glass he held.

Following Hux’s every step, Kylo replied with the depth of experience, "No, you’re not fine. You’re upset. You’re upset and you need to calm down."

"Don’t think you can order me around."

"I’m not ordering you! I’m just trying to help you calm down!" Kylo urged again, stepping closer to the pacing man, barely a foot away.

"I _am_ calm, _Ren_ ," Hux snapped back, his eyes icy and his features taciturn, but Kylo could see the tension turning every smooth line of Hux rigid and on edge.

"No, you’re not."

Without thinking, Kylo reached out and grabbed Hux’s arm to slow him down, to get him to settle and focus. Hux stopped abruptly and turned to look at him, glaring fiercely into Kylo’s eyes before looking down at where Kylo’s large hand had a grip on Hux’s bicep. With a sharp, strong tug, Hux jerked his arm free.

"Don’t you lecture me on temperament, Ren. You of all people."

"Stars, Hux!" Kylo groaned, loud and exasperated, running a hand through his hair. "I’m not ordering you or lecturing you or whatever the fuck your father does. I’m just trying to help you calm down."

The silence that quickly blanketed the room was filled with Kylo’s heavy breaths and the waves of tension continuing to radiate from the ginger. However, Hux finally appeared to ease somewhat.

The man sighed, mumbling softly to himself, "My father." He scoffed through his nose, watching the swirl of the last bit of his drink as he rotated his glass before finally swallowing it down.

Kylo took the lull as a chance, "Do you two argue often?"

There was a soft hum as Hux seemed to contemplate answering Kylo, more likely deciding whether he wanted to go down that path at all or not. Hux glanced toward him briefly then spun on his heel and returned to the cabinet, reopening the bottle atop it.

"In a way, I suppose we do." He shrugged minutely.

The flow of the beverage, brandy or whisky perhaps, drew Kylo’s attention as he kept it off Hux’s face while he spoke.

"I used to fight with my dad a lot as well."

"Hn," Hux huffed a small, barely there chuckle, causing Kylo to jerk his head up in surprise. "That doesn’t surprise me."

Kylo’s lips twisted as he rolled his eyes to the side. "Yeah, well. As much as we fought and had our…problems, we generally made up in our own way."

"You think we’re going to kiss and make up?" Hux asked, a bitter curl to his mouth. "We don’t _make up_ , Ren."

"Hux," Kylo stepped forward, not sure what was driving him to voice these things he’d never have thought would _ever_ come out of his mouth. "Your father was wrong to say what he did, and I’m sure he knows it, but—"

"Oh Ren, don’t be naïve."

The austere timbre of Hux’s words stopped Kylo dead in his tracks. There was almost something bitterly cruel about them, especially given the steadiness of the delivery, although somehow Kylo knew that the harsh quality wasn’t actually directed at him. Blinking in surprise a few times nonetheless, Kylo soon furrowed his brow, tilting his head as he watched Hux intently again.

"You think that man, my _father_ ," Hux stressed with clenching teeth, "Cares about my well-being because he cares about me? Because he _loves_ me?"

The bemused look Kylo wore hadn’t changed at Hux’s answer, one stretching beyond what Kylo thought he’d touched. If anything he felt more confused than before.

"Why else would he expend so much money and effort?" Kylo asked.

Hux snorted, downing his glass of whisky, brandy—whatever. "You believe in fairytales like love, don’t you, Ren?"

Kylo wasn’t sure what his answer would have been to that, but Hux didn’t give him a chance to, clearly never expecting or needing one to somehow know. As he so often did.

"Perhaps in whatever world you sprang from such things as love exist. But in the real world, in this world you walked into, love is only a pretty fantasy. A show. One no different than the clothes and makeup we all adorn."

Again they both fell quiet as Hux stared at his glass, the crystal glistening in the low light of the room, tiny droplets of the amber liquid settled in the bottom to shine. Kylo had so many things on his mind, tangling his thoughts in both past and present, and he couldn’t figure out how to make sense of any of them beyond knowing they couldn’t pass his lips. It seemed like that was happening to him more and more often as time went by.

Suddenly Hux sighed, pushing away from the cabinet he had taken to leaning on again, his glass still in hand as he continued to gaze at it.

"I am and have always been to my father exactly what every other person in his life is." Hux’s words were strangely soft and quiet, almost resigned, his eyes half-lidded and likely half-seeing.

There was something solemn and fatigued about the man, even his Force presence had a subdued quality, and Hux being anything but his usual confident, infuriating self brought on a sensation that didn’t sit well with Kylo. It grated him to see this glimpse into a side of Hux that clearly ran so much deeper and in such a way Kylo would not have expected. One echoing back parallels to his own, and yet so vastly different.

Hux turned his head toward him, "Goodnight, Ren."

The opened bottle and near empty glass remained on top of the cabinet as Hux retired to his bedroom with silent steps and a heavy presence. Kylo was left to stand in the midst of the sitting room, alone and frustrated. Always more tangled in yearning and confusion as he ever was because of his charge. Because of Hux. …Because of Armitage.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

Hux was busy checking over content on his datapad while one of the Senator’s many aides spoke to him. Kylo wasn’t really listening—as per usual during such things—, he simply lingered like the shadow he was, though with a slight sway.

"Yes, yes," Hux absently waved a hand before looking up. "I’ll have the information sent to him tonight."

"He’s also requested a set of blueprints."

Kylo watched as Hux’s brow twitched, his lips curling in a minute but evident scowl. The man before him literally flinched back, his russet complexion paling though he kept his mien relatively in check barring a slight widening of his eyes. It made Kylo want to smirk, however the wave of nausea that hit him again for the twelfth time since the recently ended meeting began knocked the desire back a little.

"I’ll have them prepared as well," Hux responded, clipped and even, effectively ending the conversation.

The man inclined his head, stepping back, his datapad pressed against his chest, and then spun around and hurried from the room. His gait was on edge, not quite running but certainly not walking.

Hux sighed, rubbing at his temple. "Could this day get any worse?" He murmured.

Humming in vague acknowledgement, Kylo’s eyes fluttered, the world becoming hazy again as he continued to sway. He barely caught himself as he tipped backward a little too much, the helpful presence of a wall at his back no longer there to save him should he fall.

"Ren, how long are you going to keep doing this?"

Kylo jerked straight at Hux’s weary comment. "Doing what?"

Facing him now, Hux’s brow flattened as he crossed his arms, clearly unmoved by Kylo’s attempt to brush off the topic.

"Pretending that you aren’t ill."

"I’m not sick, Hux. I’m fine."

"You’re not fine. You haven’t been fine for three days now."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kylo shifted his gaze away from Hux’s knowing one. He’d thought he was hiding how he felt pretty well; Hux hadn’t said a word about it, no one had. And yet according to Hux, the man had not only noticed, he’d known since the very first day when Kylo woke feeling warmer than usual and his head stuffed, making the world seem a little distant and fuzzy. In the beginning Kylo had hoped it was nothing more than a bug, that the growing headache he'd developed later that first day was what the earlier discomfort had been alluding to. A simple migraine. Sure he hadn’t had one in years, but the last couple months had been trying in their own strange way.

Every hour of each day he’d felt a little worse and this morning he’d woken sweaty, trembling, and nearly threw up before he managed to stumble into the shower where he sat on the floor as the cool water helped marginally soothe his ache, his fever, the way the world still felt off as he tried to right himself.

"Ren!" Hux snapped, his fingers literally snapping in front of Kylo’s face as well.

Shaking his head with another jolt, Kylo murmured, "Hm? What? I’m here, I’m fine."

Hux rolled his eyes. "As I’ve already said, you’re not fine."

Carefully, Hux’s ungloved hand reached up and pressed against Kylo’s forehead. His palm was so pleasantly cool that Kylo leaned into it, the shock of Hux touching him barely registered in his mind though he felt his cheeks warm even more than they’d been, a flush no doubt prominent now if it weren’t already.

"Kriff, Ren, you’ve got a serious fever." Hux sounded annoyed, but something marred the tone enough that if Kylo were more coherent he might have been able to detect what that something was.

"Your hand feels nice," Kylo whispered without much thought.

Hux suddenly jerked said hand away and Kylo would never acknowledge that it happened if asked, but he definitely whined with a small pout when the man did.

"Come on. Let’s head back to my rooms."

Kylo mutely nodded in compliance and followed as Hux turned to leave. Knowing the man was aware of Kylo feeling poorly, Kylo didn’t bother trying to hide how much of a fog he was in. It was nice to stop working so hard to pretend he was perfectly fine.

When they returned to Hux’s quarters the man went about setting his datapad down and grabbing another from his desk, swiftly typing against the surface and speaking to Kylo as he did.

"You should go rest, Ren. I’ll have something brought for your fever."

That sounded good. Resting. Bed. Bed sounded good. He nodded obediently again and slowly headed toward his adjoining bedroom. When the room began shifting around him Kylo started moving slower, the hazy way the world drifted pulled back even further until his focus was barely a spot of clarity with the rest all a blur. And when he felt his feet stop beneath him but his momentum continue somehow, Kylo thought he heard Hux calling for him, shouting maybe. Before everything went black he also thought perhaps that shout had been his name, his first name, loud and full of worry.

But it couldn’t be.

 

**\--//--**

 

A deep breath and the sound of his own groan pulled Kylo toward the consciousness he’d already been heading for. It took him a few moments before he recognized the feel of sheets around him, his bed, and another passed before he picked up the shift of someone beside him, possibly leaning toward him. The beat of a presence flickering into existence as his connection to the Force caught up with said consciousness again.

In a second, he snapped his hand out toward it. A neck was immediately in his hold, slender and the skin cool, the pulse of the presence swiftly grew into a brilliance he recognized. A hand touched his wrist, gripping it, the touch cool as well, gentle but still firm. Kylo opened his eyes and saw a pair of pale green ones locked on him. No fear, no surprise.

Looking down at where his hand was wrapped around Hux’s neck, the feel of the man’s own on his wrist, Kylo hastily withdrew.

"I’m sorry," Kylo muttered up at him, his eyes still wide.

Hux brushed his fingers over his neck, standing straight again. "Don’t worry about it."

"No, I-I shouldn’t have—"

"Hush, honestly." Hux turned his attention away and back to something in his other hand. "I suppose, if anything, it tells me you’re indeed capable."

Kylo’s brow furrowed.

"And you’re one who’s lived to tell the tale." A smirk was on Hux’s lips when he glanced back down at Kylo.

His confusion grew as he studied the man's gaze. "What are you talking about?"

Hux tipped his head toward Kylo. "Your scars."

"My...?" Kylo looked down and noticed that his shirt was gone, his chest bare, half exposed from beneath the dark grey sheets. "Oh, yeah… Wait, why’s—"

"You have a high fever, Ren. Your silly all black attire hid how your tunic was soaked with sweat."

Embarrassed at the idea of Hux removing his filthy shirt, Kylo groaned, brushing a hand over his face to hide his flustered expression.

Hux scoffed through his small smirk. "Don’t be embarrassed. I left your underwear on." He slid a green eye to Kylo, that teasing smirk growing as Kylo’s eyes widened again.

Cheeks flushed even more than they likely were, Kylo moved to sit up. If he was warm before, he felt like he was sweltering now. "Uh, listen, thanks but I—"

Hux’s cool, smooth palm pressed against his forehead and pushed him down. "You’re welcome," he calmly interrupted, going back to collect whatever he’d been messing with earlier. "Here," he handed Kylo a few tablets, colors and shapes varying.

Kylo raised a brow, even more surprised and confused than before since it appeared as though Hux had not only arranged medication for him but was bothering with administering it himself.

"What?" Hux asked. "You think the rich boy is incapable of caring for a sick idiot?"

Putting his hand out incredulously, Hux dropped the medicine into Kylo’s open palm. He inspected the tiny tablets, the meds seeming even smaller in his large hand, confusion still clouding his thoughts as to what exactly was happening. When he looked back up Hux was holding out a glass of…something. It wasn’t water; last he checked water was not an ugly green color.

"What the kriff is that?" Kylo remarked with a repulsed frown.

"Something that will help."

"It looks disgusting."

Giving it another glance, Hux shrugged, holding it out closer and with more intent. "It probably is. Now take your meds and drink them down."

Kylo sat up a little, following Hux’s orders, albeit somewhat begrudgingly. As he swallowed Kylo found it was indeed disgusting. Initially he’d barely gotten a mouthful before needing to stop but Hux’s piercing gaze kept him going, finishing the nasty concoction he might have otherwise gagged back up.

"There," Hux said, taking the glass from him. "And look at that, you’re still alive."

"It’s a tragedy."

Hux snorted in response.

Rather than lie back down, Kylo attempted to sit up further. "Hux, you really don’t—"

Again, the man pressed against Kylo’s feverish forehead, shoving him down onto the pillow. "Grouse from beneath the covers."

He frowned, though the drop of his lips better resembled a pout. "I wasn’t going to complain."

"You were."

"No it’s— I just...," Kylo sighed heavily. "You honestly don’t need to do this. I have in fact been sick before and survived just fine without you."

"So you’ve said, and yet here I am, unconvinced at how that’s possible."

Kylo rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Well now that you’ve accomplished your task you don’t have to hang around the sick person. I’m sure you have better things to do."

"I always have better things to do," Hux stated matter-of-factly, clearly ignoring how Kylo noticeably pouted this time and his chest ached at the words. "However, you’re my bodyguard and as such you’re meant to be by my side. But your side is currently stuck here, so here I am stuck as well."

Kylo’s hurt expression fell away and he twisted his head along his pillow to look at Hux who had repositioned himself in the large armchair that was once in the corner of the room but was now a few feet from the bed.

"I’m hardly capable of doing my job like this," he commented sullenly.

"And you’d be even less so if I were in the other room." Kylo remained unmoved, and at his continued frown, Hux then sighed. "I’d only be out there sitting, and as you can see I’m able to sit just as easily in here."

"You’re frustratingly stubborn, you know." Kylo shook his head gracelessly, immediately regretting it as his head swam from the movement.

"As are you." There was a grin in Hux’s tone.

Kylo shut his eyes. Despite the jolt his headshake had caused, the world was not quite as hazy as it had been, but his body still felt off, the unpleasant pressure in his head persisted, his stomach queasy, his limbs aching.

"Ren."

"Hm?"

"Could I ask you a question?"

"I don’t know," he mumbled with a faint smile, "Can you?"

Hux scoffed, "Really, Ren?"

His grin stayed, but he answered yes all the same.

Breathing out a near silent sigh, Hux asked, "How did you get the scar on your side?"

"Why do you ask?"

"It’s a decent size, and on both sides. It appears to be from the sort of wound one doesn’t often live to tell about."

From the tone Kylo knew Hux was genuinely curious. Kylo also got the feeling Hux wasn’t only curious about that one scar, as a past encounter had told him. It was just a matter of time before this question lead to one about his face. Yet, knowing that, Kylo exhaled heavy and resigned, deciding to do so nonetheless.

"It’s from a bowcaster."

"A bowcaster?" Hux’s voice betrayed a hint of shock.

"Mhmm," Kylo intoned softly. "Pissed off a Wookie."

"What exactly were you doing to anger a Wookie enough that he’d shoot you, presumably to kill?"

Kylo opened an eye to look at him, uncertain if he should bring up the fact he was, among other things, a smuggler. On occasion. Stars, how Han would be proud… The sudden thought was strangely thick and terribly bitter, it made Kylo’s stomach twist along with the ache it brought on, the sensation tightening in his chest.

Hux rolled his eyes, unaware of Kylo’s inner turmoil. "I hardly care what you got up to in the past, Ren. If you recall, I did look into that, I’m aware you’ve done far more things than guard-for-hire."

He closed his eyes again, swallowing down the emotions with the other aches. "It was in the middle of a smuggling job. I’d ended up having to take some creative paths to escape from a few guys who’d stumbled upon me. I was fairly sure I’d gotten away but then one of the guys from the crew I’d been hired to steal from, a Wookie, he showed up out of nowhere a little ways ahead of me. I fell to my knees before I really knew what had happened. Was close to losing my balance actually, which wouldn’t have been great considering the gangway I was on was rather narrow and over a very long fall. When I stood up aga—"

"Wait wait wait," Hux suddenly interjected. "You were shot. By a _bowcaster_. In the _torso_. And just dropped to your knees?"

Breaking his eyes open, wide and anxious, Kylo realized he’d made a minor error. Average people didn’t just fall to their knees when hit by a bowcaster, average people were flung back fast, hard, and quite a few feet. And if they lived, they had a long, decently thick metal quarrel protruding from the wound that would need urgent care.

"Uh…" he ran his tongue along his dry lips nervously, "Yeah, kinda."

"Then you got up."

"Yes?"

Hux scoffed. "Why are you confused about whether you got up? Either you did or you didn’t."

"I did. Uh, get up, I mean. It was, you know, adrenaline," Kylo stammered. "Then I got to my ship and left, obviously I left. I patched up what I could when I was there, stopped off at a medic on a neighboring planet. He gave me some immediate help but otherwise I cared for it myself. Though probably not nearly as well as I should have, hence the less than attractive scarring.’

Kylo didn’t mention how he’d actually pulled the quarrel out, kept going, ran into two more of the guys and had to fight his way to his ship. Or how he later kept aggravating it, which had been another reason for the greater scarring.

"And you ask how I’m real," Hux muttered, likely not really intending for Kylo to hear.

"It wasn’t as big a deal as it sounds," Kylo followed up, trying to lighten the realities of it. Keeping his eyes away from Hux, he cleared his throat, twisting the sheets in his hands. "Anyways…"

A few tense minutes passed, Kylo feeling Hux’s piercing gaze on him, but the man didn’t say anything more on the subject.

"What about the one on your leg?" Hux finally asked.

"Which leg?" Kylo sighed inwardly with relief.

"Both."

"Well, the one on my left calf was from a fight in a cantina that got a little out of hand. I was busy fighting one guy when another I’d already knocked down took a chance and crawled over to cut me. The one on my right arm is from that fight too, though I don’t really remember how it happened. Less memorable, I guess," Kylo shrugged vaguely. "It was a good while before I was able to patch those up."

"What, you had a fight to finish?" Hux surely had a brow raised, a smirk curling those full pink lips. Kylo smirked himself at the thought.

"Obviously. Then I had to get away. Everyone was pissed off, drunk, injured—several by me—; had to lay low for a bit once I managed to hide."

"Alright. Rather a big step down from the bowcaster tale, though. What about the other?"

The small but thick puncture wound with thinner sliced lines on the left and right was more interesting certainly. It was also one of Kylo’s less than proud moments.

"That…that’s…" Kylo brought a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes tight as he rubbed his palm in circles against the sweat slick skin. His head throbbed, a wave of nausea teasing up his throat, though his limbs didn’t ache as much and the world seemed a little less nebulous and a little more there.

"Are you alright?" Hux asked softly, the subtle edge of concern in his voice making Kylo’s chest flutter with more than nausea.

He swallowed dryly. "Yeah, yeah I’m okay."

One, two, three…four…five terribly long seconds passed before Kylo heard Hux sigh followed by the shift of fabric on fabric. After another few seconds he peeked open his eyes halfway and found Hux nowhere to be seen. The disheartened pout that puffed his lips, the drop in his gut, that earlier flutter having its wings ripped off, all hit him harder than he would have thought—his illness likely weakening his emotional threshold—at the reality of Hux leaving his bedridden side. The pressure behind his eyes was more than just a headache.

Kylo had only just shut his eyes again, the heel of his palm pushing harder against his forehead as if to will all the pain away, when he heard more shifts in the air. Opening only one eye this time, just in case it was nothing and that way he could more easily return to his wallowing, he instead saw Hux walking toward him. Kylo was at attention in a second. It wasn’t until Hux was at his side that he noticed the man was carrying a glass of water.

He didn’t realize he’d been staring until Hux raised that pale brow of his and said, "As far as I know lying down and drinking do not mix well."

"Huh?" Kylo intoned thoughtlessly. He swiftly blinked in recognition, the words sinking in, when Hux gave him one of his ‘are you really this stupid’ looks. "Oh! Right, yeah, sorry."

Kylo sat up slowly and then reached out a hand to grasp the glass Hux already had out and waiting for him. He drank the cool liquid slowly but gladly, his throat as dry as his mouth, and the remnants of the vile green drink from earlier washing away as well. Just before Kylo decided he was finished, Hux’s hand was there, ready and waiting to take the nearly empty glass, and then placed it on the small side table.

"Thanks," Kylo near whispered.

Hux looked down on him, his face relaxed but still lacking much expression, though there was something about his eyes Kylo couldn’t place. "You’re welcome," he nodded faintly in acknowledgement.

They were both silent and staring for what felt far longer than a few seconds. Kylo was about to speak, not that he had any idea exactly what he wanted to say, but he felt compelled to do so. Something about the Huxes seemed to bring about that air of expectation even when it wasn’t intended to be used. Thankfully Hux beat him before he had a chance to mutter something asinine.

"Now lay down," Hux ordered without bite, pressing his hand again to Kylo’s forehead and pushing him down.

Kylo allowed himself to be manhandled back onto the pillow, the pressure somehow both firm and gentle, his eyes sliding shut at the cool touch. That earlier echo of movement came, quiet but there, and then the soft sound of the chair beside him being depressed followed. He slid an eye over and saw Hux had repositioned himself back into his seat.

As if the last few minutes never occurred, Hux leaned an elbow into the armrest and said calmly, "Go on."

"Uhm," Kylo swallowed, running his newly slicked tongue over his lips a few times as his mind worked to catch up to current events, all the while staring at the ginger. "Right…uh…right… So a, uh, a job I did, sort of a job," he stumblingly began again, shifting his eyes away and slipping back into his thoughts as best he could in the slowly lessening haze. "I conned some people out of a lot of money. Very dangerous people. They uh, somehow they found me. I don’t know how. The guy I worked the job with probably sold me out or something. Anyways, they got the drop on me, knocked me out with some drug. I have no idea what it was but I was unconscious in seconds and when I woke up again I was in some empty room; rusted walls, dirty floor, my hands and legs were bound and I felt out of it. Either what they gave me before did it, or they injected me with something else, because I felt so weak, like my body was exhausted but my mind was awake."

"Kylo Ren was kidnapped." Hux was most definitely smirking.

"Shut up, Hux. They had drugs, totally unfair fight." He tried not to, but Kylo was grinning.

"Anyway," Kylo continued. "When I came to there was a woman in the room with me, standing a few feet away, looked simultaneously angry and bored. I recognized her, but had never actually seen her in person. She led the group I stole the money from."

"So she’s the one that, I’m assuming, stabbed you?"

"Yeah, she was rather fond of knives. Some of the smaller, paler scars I have are from that _conversation_ as well. When she was getting fed up with me not cooperating she stabbed her thin little blade into my thigh, twisted it, moved it side to side while she talked. Honestly, she wasn’t very good at interrogating or torturing. I’m sure she usually had people do that for her, but she was so mad that I’d managed to rob her blind she decided to face me herself.’

"I’m guessing they weren’t duped very often."

"Hn," Kylo hummed a quiet chuckle. "Never actually."

"So while she was busy trying to exact some vengeance the drug they’d given you started to wear off."

"I thought this was my story?" Kylo looked over to Hux.

The ginger casually raised a shoulder, "Yes, well, you had to escape somehow. It’s a logical deduction."

He huffed, but not cruelly so. "You deduce correctly. She was up in my face, busy being smug, and I head-butted her, knocked her off me."

Hux pulled back slightly in surprise, a strange twist to his features Kylo thought was ire but he was sure it couldn’t be. "She was on you?" He asked.

‘Yeah, on my lap, in my face, twisting around her kriffing knife. It was very annoying. Once she was out of the way, I had a chance to get my hands free and grab the knife still in my thigh. After that it was easy to get out, weirdly easier than I thought even.’

A brief silence went by before Hux said, "You’ve certainly led an eventful life."

"Comes with the job. Well, jobs," Kylo replied, taking a deep breath as he shut his eyes with an inaudible groan.

Another several minutes passed, seeming to drift by achingly slow, slower than any of the previous ones. Kylo knew Hux was just waiting to approach the topic of his facial scar. He didn’t know what exactly was keeping him; Hux was usually fairly direct when he wanted something.

Kylo sighed, "Just ask, Hux." He opened his eyes again, looking at the man who for a brief second had a vague version of the expression of someone caught red-handed. Kylo felt smugly satisfied seeing Hux like that, but it was gone too fast to really sink in.

"Will you tell me if I do?"

"Why not? I’m lying here all weak and pathetic. Already told you about the other ones, the big ones anyways."

"I don’t want you to tell me because you feel coerced, Ren." Hux sounded legitimately offended.

Frowning, Kylo replied, "You’re not coercing me, Hux. If I didn’t want to say it I wouldn’t. You’ve asked before, remember?"

"You weren’t ill then."

Kylo shrugged awkwardly along the sheets. "Doesn’t matter."

Hux studied him for a brief moment then looked away with a sigh, "Alright. Tell me."

When Hux cast an eye to him, Kylo turned his away, going to stare up at the ceiling again as he delved back into that particular part of his past for the second time in so very long.

"My cousin gave it to me," he finally said, voice quiet and solemn.

"Your cousin?"

He nodded. "It was a long time ago, back when I was…back when I was still Ben, back just before I left. Things…" Kylo drew in a trembling breath, "Things were difficult for me. My family, my life…I was being pulled in so many different directions. Sometimes it seemed like there were people all around me, so much going on, and yet I was only ever lonely, lost." A part of Kylo realized he was rambling, revealing aspects of himself he hadn’t ever shown anyone, ones he’d never even put into words before. "Of everyone in that life, the one person I hated most was ironically the one I think I loved most.

"My cousin, she was…she was everything I wasn’t, and from the day she was born I knew she’d be a thorn in my side. And she was. An annoying little pain that was _always_ beside me, following me around; I could never seem to get rid of her." Kylo smiled softly. "We fought a lot, both verbally and physically even though she was a few years younger and a lot smaller. But weirdly enough she was also the only person who could ever make me smile, the only person who really liked being around me."

Kylo dropped his gaze from the ceiling, looking down to where he worried the hem of the sheets. "She followed me that night, the night I finally left after months of deliberating. I knew she did, and I knew she wouldn’t let me leave without a confrontation. A fight." He quieted again, thinking on how to best word the next part. "My family, they…it-it’s sort of a, uh…tradition to learn swordsmanship. She and I used to practice together sometimes. When she stopped me that night, she had her blade with her, and I had mine as well. At first it was just words between us, a lot of pleading. It hurt seeing her like that, not just angry but sad. She wasn’t one for sadness, or tears, whether she felt it or not. I think she refused to ever cry because I rarely did.

"Ultimately she came at me when words stopped being helpful. I refused to fight her and that only made her more upset. I eventually shoved her back with real force, knocking her down to try and get her to stop. It only fueled her. With her chaotic swings, her tears and her pleading, it only took a second, just being a little too slow in my reaction... The tip of her blade got me.’ Kylo reached up one hand, a finger tracing down the pale pink flesh, remembering the burn.

"It wasn’t much really, but it did stop her. She was mortified," he chuckled sadly. "Her face was so shocked. Not so much because she did it, but because she was sure she never could and that was why she’d let herself go so much. In the end, after more tears and pleading and consoling, she finally let me go. Saying goodbye to Rey was the hardest part of all of it. I knew it would be, but knowing and experiencing are never the same thing.

"I probably could have had a nice thin, silvery scar rather than the more jagged, pale pink thing I have instead. But I didn’t want that. I purposely did the bare minimum for it, just enough to keep it from infection. I wanted it to scar, to become a memory of sorts.’

"Of your past?" Hux spoke suddenly, though the softness of his tone made it sound seamless.

"No, more of the moment. Of Rey. A reminder that someone really cared and cared so much she would go at me with a sword with all she had just to keep me around." Kylo smiled; he smiled his Rey smile.

Slowly, Kylo shifted along the pillow to look at Hux again, his grin still there, the one that was always only for Rey now on display before someone different. Before Hux. Before Armitage.

"Now you know," Kylo finished. "Is it everything you ever hoped for?"

Kylo was teasing him, but Hux’s features were eased, thoughtful. Not really calm and impassive like Kylo was familiar with, but also not the man’s own form of playful.

Studying him, Hux commented quietly, "It suits you, you know."

His eyes widened a little at that, the almost dreamy quality of his past memories dissolving in a flash. "What?"

"Your scar. It suits you."

For a moment Kylo just opened and closed his mouth, stuck on what he could possibly say to that. Never… Never before in his life had Kylo felt like the scar _suited_ him. He’d known it would disfigure his already less than appealing face, but he hadn’t cared at the time, and even after all the years he’d lived with it Kylo didn’t regret letting it do so. He had come to terms with the scar in his own way. Hearing Hux say it suited him, _Hux_ , the man who always teased his appearance, the man Kylo had been shamefully obsessed with, crushing on, being driven crazy by, saying it _suited_ him…it left Kylo stumbling to form a coherent thought.

Before he could, Hux shifted in his seat, casting his eyes away and clearing his throat. "Yes, well. Thank you. For telling me that is."

"Uh," the sound fell inelegantly from Kylo’s mouth. "Yeah, sure."

"You should get some rest," Hux said, having returned to his usual clipped accent, lifting a datapad from his lap that Kylo hadn’t even noticed was there.

"Right." Kylo’s throbbing head concurred with the passive order, but his churning thoughts wanted Hux to keep talking, wanting more words, maybe more nice ones.

The man turned the screen on, the gentle glow highlighting Hux’s always frustratingly lovely face, and effectively ceasing all hope of more communication. Hux was done talking, so Kylo resigned himself to being done too. Sleep really did sound nice after all.

 

**\--//--**

 

Kylo roused, turning over on his side before quickly deciding that was not too pleasant for his stomach and readjusted onto his back again. A few minutes passed before Kylo gave in to the fact he was awake now. He slowly cracked open his eyes, blinking a few times as the world around him focused, the haze much less but still there, the ache in his head and limbs reduced down to background noise as well.

Remembering how Hux was with him before and soon noticing the strong presence at his side was the brilliance he knew, Kylo turned his head to see the man.

Hux was still in the armchair he’d been in earlier, but his legs were tucked up, the datapad held limply in one hand and laying on his lap, and his head resting in the palm of his other hand. His eyes were closed and his breaths were quiet and even. The ginger was asleep, soundly so, and who knew for how long. The datapad was dark which could either mean Hux turned it off himself or it faded to black after a period of inactivity. And Kylo knew Hux had the setting for that decently high, well beyond the default of a couple minutes. So Kylo estimated it had to have been at least an hour or more. 

Turning onto his side despite his prior discomfort, Kylo observed the man. Hux always looked so different while sleeping, fully delicate and smooth in a way he wasn’t when conscious. Taking him in now, Kylo noticed for the first time that Hux was dressed in more casual wear than he had been before Kylo passed out, and his hair was loose as well. Kylo couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed, but his world _had_ been rather fuzzy, his focus not particularly stable.

Kylo wished Hux was closer so he could better hear his calm breaths, see his eyes shift beneath his lids with dreams, perhaps brush a traitorous finger along his cheek. Kylo tightened his grip on the sheets in response to his yearning.

Touching Hux was always something Kylo knew he should never do, not the way he did it, even if it was innocent and brief. But Kylo could never seem to stop himself, drawn to touch every time he was lucky enough to do so. Even if the times came because Hux was working himself ragged and Kylo would put his foot down and carry the man to bed where he always quickly fell asleep. Leaving Kylo to watch and be tempted.

At least this way, sick and weak and still so tired, Kylo couldn’t take advantage of Hux’s lack of awareness. Instead he got the chance to better center his scrutiny and reflect on what he’d learned of the man in the three months he’d been Hux’s bodyguard.

The most obvious observation Kylo had gathered and couldn't help but always return to was that Hux’s brilliance was all encompassing. Hux was terribly smart, but also cunning and clever. Kylo had seen him be ruthless and cutting, and he’d seen him be sickeningly sweet, voice like honey, features gentle and inviting. Hux had once said information was what he did, and he wasn’t lying. The man knew exactly how to get what he wanted however and from whomever was unlucky enough to be caught in his trap.

Like a graceful puppet master, Hux could seemingly manipulate anyone. Even Kylo.

Kylo didn’t necessarily know when Hux did it or how often, but he was sure it happened. However, over the time Kylo had been the man’s bodyguard, his ‘shadow’ as Hux called him, Kylo couldn’t yet say what Hux would even want from him since there was no evidence of the sort that the man ever gained anything. Kylo didn’t bow to him anymore than Hux did to Kylo. At least not often, or without grumbling. On both sides.

Evident from the beginning, Hux was an enigma, a puzzle with myriad pieces of all shapes and sizes and some that were hidden from view. Kylo had never been particularly good at puzzles, he was more inclined to rush at the problem and hack past it than bother unwinding. He was secure in his ability to get what he wanted in that manner, even if it was manipulating people in his own way. The Force sort of made it easy. But Hux… Even now Kylo couldn’t quite decide how to deal with his puzzle, with how the man continued to refuse to fit into any proper place. All he did know was that no matter what Hux did, he kept coming back to try. Hux drew him in like nothing Kylo had ever experienced, at least outside the Force, but even then the ginger was an enticement obscuring all others.

Almost without a second thought, Kylo had seemingly given up trying to fight the pull long ago. Hux. Armitage. The man was a blessing and a curse that he was happily, painfully, willingly drowning in.

Suddenly, Hux stirred a little in his sleep, shifting against his palm and sighing deeply. Kylo stiffened at the movement, quickly shutting his eyes for fear of being caught staring. When nothing else happened, seconds then minutes passing with silence still heavy in the air, Kylo peeked cautiously and found that Hux hadn’t woken.

Kylo wanted to keep watching the man, but his lids drooped after a few more minutes went by. He was tired again, like his thoughts had exhausted him somehow. As his eyes fell shut and sleep blanketed him once more, Kylo allowed Hux to overtake his mind, his coming dreams. Where Hux was Hux as much as he was Armitage and when he smiled it was wider, warmer, and more than teasing.

It was for him. And so was Armitage.

 

 

**\---///---**

 

 

"You’re anxious again," Hux observed, standing beside him with a drink in hand.

"No I’m not."

Kylo kept his eyes darting around the room, searching every face, scanning every aura, even bending his own rule just a little in order to brush ever so slightly along the mind of each guest at the event. When Hux had told him they were going to Hosnian Prime Kylo nearly broke every item in the room. If there was an event, if there were assemblies, if there were Senators there, then there was every chance his mother could be present at this one. His blood had run both hot and cold, his skin tingled, his emotions whipped about chaotically.

"Yes you are. You’re even worse than when we were on Naboo." Hux glanced over to him, the rim of his glass at his lips, a light rouge of red lining them. "You look like you’re about to either run away or wring everyone’s necks."

"Tempting."

"Which one?" Hux smirked.

"Both." Kylo couldn’t bring himself to focus much, leaving any reply brief and vague, his expression as intense and serious as it had been from the moment they arrived that evening.

Rolling his eyes, Hux said, "I’d prefer it if you’d avoid doing either." He quickly downed his drink before setting the empty flute on the tray of a passing waiter. "Continue being a brooding shadow all you want but I have mingling to do. So if you’ll excuse me.’

Kylo didn’t bother acknowledging the man’s leave and went on scanning. He might not have been actually running but Kylo was hiding his presence as fiercely as possible nonetheless. Thankfully, keeping himself hidden was something Kylo had always excelled at. Rey was the only one who’d ever managed to get a lock on him in the past, and that was still only a small percentage of the time.

A familiar sounding voice came from his left and Kylo harshly jerked his attention that way but found his mother nowhere to be seen. The anxiety was coursing through his veins, branching into every part of him rather than lingering in his chest or his gut. He felt his very skin vibrate, his limbs tense, coiled and ready to spring at any moment.

It had been a little more than eight years since Kylo left home and even now he still couldn’t quite remember the last time he saw or spoke to his mother. What he did remember was that she wasn’t around when he left, off again doing something or other, maybe attending an event just like the one Kylo was standing in. Most likely they were having some sort of argument, whether a quiet and disappointed or a loud and angry one, Kylo couldn’t be sure, both were painful to him in their own way.

He dug his nails into the leather of his gloves, crossing his arms tight. Over the years Kylo had wondered what she’d looked like when she had returned to find Kylo, no _Ben,_ gone, or on what Rey might have said to her. If she felt sadness or remorse, or if she was just relieved. His father probably was for sure; he liked Poe and Rey and even Finn far more than he’d ever seemed to like Ben. Things were undoubtedly better with him gone. Kylo preferred to maintain that absence, but every second in this room spiked his fear of it ending.

Abruptly a jolt ran through Kylo, shocking every limb, spiking his heart rate as the blood in his veins grew hot, his skin vibrating in a very different way from before and the hairs standing on end. There was a shouting sort of sensation echoing through the Force, insistent and rapidly growing. Unfortunately the warning registered too late and Kylo barely managed to protect himself as an explosion rocked the room, trembling through the air and down his spine.

The ringing in his ears only half blocked the near deafening wails and screams going on around him, both in the room and in his mind. The scent of blood and fire tangled with the overwhelming emotions beating against him absorbed even more of his attention as he tried to focus. It took longer than it should have for Kylo to realize he hadn’t seen Hux for almost ten minutes, possibly more. He was on his feet in seconds, scanning the room, the debris, the people, searching for the brilliance of Hux, his ginger hair, the red tunic he wore beneath a deep grey jacket, fitted and darted in crimson.

From the corner of his eye—in a manner of speaking—Kylo felt the familiar warmth, a fleck of brightness, and he was whirling on his heel and stepping over anyone in his way as he headed for it. Thankfully Hux wasn’t in the room, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was alright. Someone set the bomb, so someone was here for a reason and they clearly would have no problem disposing of anyone who got in the way of that objective.

He was running down the vacant corridor adjacent to the one that lead to the bombed ballroom when he felt the blow, a jarring shift followed by a flash of pain coming from Hux. Rage spiked immediately, Hux’s own anger and pain fueling him as well as Kylo sprinted to the doors the ginger’s Force presence radiated from.

Throwing out his hand Kylo didn’t think twice as he ripped them open with the Force, his eyes locked on the form of a black clad man, arm extended and holding some type of weapon at the spot where Hux had to be. Kylo Force-pulled his miniature saber from the strap on his wrist, his hand gripping the dagger-like weapon and igniting it just seconds before he pierced the man through his back and chest. Holding him in place, listening to his gasps of pain and shock, Kylo slipped one of the vibroblades from the sheath on his left thigh and brought it up against the man’s throat, sliding through skin and muscle, severing the artery all in another quick second. Kylo removed his small lightsaber smooth and swift, and the man fell to the floor, ashen, wide-eyed, and very dead.

Still panting from the fear and anger and sheer rush of adrenaline, of a kill, Kylo looked to where Hux’s brilliance shined to find the man on his knees, one hand holding a blaster and the other his shoulder where a thin quarrel punctured him. The blood was less pronounced due to the deep grey of his jacket, the rich crimson of his tunic, but Kylo could still see the staining round the center of a growing spot where the shaft protruded.

"Are you alright?" Kylo asked, worry in his low voice. Clearly the man wasn’t, not entirely, but he couldn’t help asking.

"Yes. For the most part." Hux’s eyes were strangely a little wide.

Kylo swiftly made his way across the room to meet him, thoroughly ignoring the fresh, dark blood splattered along the floor and ceiling between his recent kill and his charge, and fluidly dropped to his knees in front of the man. He let his two very different daggers drop to the floor beside him before he then quickly directed his attention to the projectile. Knowing the question was coming, Kylo steeled himself, preparing to keep any hint of telling emotion off his face.

"Was that a lightsaber?" Hux asked just as Kylo expected, his tone smooth and unreadable.

Not daring to look at the man, Kylo kept his expression serious and concentrated as he inspected the bleeding area. Hux hissed softly when he probed gently at the edges of the wound.

"If you mean is it a retractable blade of plasma with a kyber crystal as its source, then yes. If you’re asking if I’m some sort of Jedi, no." Hux remained quiet again, making Kylo anxious. "Lightsaber technology isn’t actually a secret you know, and neither are kyber crystals. It’s just taboo and difficult."

Hux was most certainly watching Kylo, the intensity of his gaze only continuing to put Kylo on edge.

"Hm," Hux scoffed softly. "Neither of which would deter Kylo Ren." There was a grin in Hux’s voice, which eased Kylo’s worries somewhat, though he still didn’t dare to look at him.

"I prefer to use it only when absolutely necessary."

"I wouldn’t say this was exactly dire, Ren."

Kylo frowned, finally turning to face Hux. "You were wounded, and about to be again."

Hux frowned right back. "In case you didn’t notice, I took out his two friends on my own just fine." His clipped response was sharp and offended. "Besides, the man had a crossbow, and a tiny one at that." Hux rolled his eyes.

Kylo’s lips pulled down further. "It’s a projectile weapon, Hux. Just because said projectiles are tangible doesn’t mean it doesn’t require much of the same skill as a blaster. And if he was using it as his weapon of choice, small or not, he’s skilled enough to factor in variables to make his shots swift and accurate."

For an unnervingly long moment, Hux continued to simply look at him, his gaze both annoyed and faintly bewildered. Then suddenly he shook his head, the small curl of a grin tugging up at the corner of his pink lips.

"You never cease to surprise me, Ren."

This startled Kylo out of his attempt to control his features. "What?"

"Well here you are, talking like some professional. Then knowing how to not only build something, a _lightsaber_ at that, but skilled enough to manipulate the classic format into a weapon of your own design."

Kylo didn’t know what to say, his mouth open as he stared. He soon closed it, his teeth clacking, and glanced away, licking his lips as he worked on how to respond.

"You make it sound like I was an idiot," Kylo eventually murmured, now pressing a piece of cloth to the edges of the wound.

Hux hissed again. "You are an idiot, Ren."

Kylo jerked his head back, ready to argue regardless of whether the man was injured, but stopped dead at the small smile Hux wore. The peculiar contrast of the nearly soft grin with the flecks of Hux’s assassin’s blood dotting his cheeks and jacket hardly registered because _Hux_ was smiling at him, genuine and almost gentle. Kylo’s cheeks definitely flushed and he had to quickly turn away lest Hux be able to read him any more than he always seemed able to do.

"Come on, we should get this patched up," Kylo said softly.

They stood together, Kylo keeping his hands on Hux to help the ginger remain steady. A surge of happiness ran through him at the fact Hux not only let him, but was firmly gripping his bicep as well.

"So," Kylo drawled as they walked slowly from the room, "Are you going to tell me what that was all about?"

Hux cast an eye over to him, but the second Kylo locked his with Hux’s, the man looked away.

"That’s need to know."

Lips in a pout almost automatically, Kylo grumbled, "And I don’t need to know."

"That’s right."

The silence between them jumped from calm to tense in a millisecond, Kylo frowning and his grip unconsciously growing a little tighter as he stubbornly kept one hand on Hux while they walked down the corridor. The echo of voices and cries leaking out from the ballroom resounded in the wide space, the damaged room no doubt a flurry of activity now, one that Kylo could care even less about than he had when he was actually there.

Eventually, Hux gave a vaguely resigned sigh. "All I will say is, I may not be the Senator but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own enemies."

Wrinkling his dark brow, Kylo looked back at Hux with a question on his tongue but the man had already seemingly shut Kylo out. His face had smoothed, becoming impassive, and his gaze distant, the pale green cool and unmovable. As much as Kylo now buzzed with even more questions, he knew from that expression alone that there was no way Kylo would get another word about it.

Instead, he was only left with more puzzle pieces that didn’t fit. Yet, as much as that irked him, Kylo resigned once again not to care too much. The last three and a half months of puzzles on and off hardly registered at the moment. Not since Hux was alive. Not since Armitage was alive and he was alright. Mostly.

Nothing else mattered right now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another part down and one more to go…!
> 
> The idea of Hux dressed in gold was inspired by this [lovely piece](http://img02.deviantart.net/c717/i/2016/180/a/e/hux_in_naboo_gold__by_frecklesordirt-da84ecc.png) by [frecklesordirt](http://frecklesordirt.deviantart.com) on dA or [suzannart](http://suzannart.tumblr.com) on tumblr. When I was thinking on the more extravagant outfit for Hux to be wearing that artwork popped up in my head and wouldn’t leave me alone even if I wanted it too.
> 
> This part also ends Kylo’s POV (mostly). The next and last part actually worked well being separate since the majority of it is Hux’s POV sans the very end. It’s also where much of the angst and fluff is. Soooo…look forward to that!
> 
>  
> 
> _Anyways_ … If you like it so far, any and all forms of love are appreciated!! <3


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am _much_ later than I wanted to be with this, but I'm not going to bother with reasons, instead just TADA! Here is the final part, and as I said at the end of the last one, the majority of this part is from **Hux’s POV** sans the very end. Plus much of the angst and fluff takes place here—at least I think so anyways. And you're finally getting a chance to see what goes on in Hux's head, behind all that snark and stoicism. ...I know I may have kept you all waiting, but don't worry, things get going _fast._
> 
> This part is also where almost all of the **mentions of sexual abuse tag** comes into play as well. Nothing is outright done, it’s all only mentioned and hinted at as the tag says. Also brief mentions of bad BDSM etiquette—which i considered fitting to that tag in this instance. 
> 
>    
>  _Enjoy…! <3_

The last two weeks had been near agony. Days of meetings, two trips and three events, and tomorrow was yet another along with a liaison, one that was always far from pleasant.

Hux leaned into the warm spray of the shower; he had finished washing his hair and body ten minutes ago but he couldn’t bring himself to step out just yet. Even though Hux showered after every encounter he never quite felt clean, and after the last two weeks, after tomorrow, a shower couldn’t keep Hux from feeling filthy. No matter how hot the water or how hard he scrubbed.

Pressing his head against the shower wall, Hux held his wrists in his hands, loose and gentle, he could already feel the raw burns that would mark him after tomorrow night.

Senator Inar Saff was perhaps the only man Hux had ever met who could legitimately make his skin crawl. Whenever he was trapped with the man Hux wished with every second he could spare the brainpower that he could torture Saff mercilessly. Not to death, not yet, not until Hux could tear him down, shatter and twist him into nothing. Then maybe he’d kill him, slowly. Maybe.

Over the years Hux did his job, one of them anyway, the only one that truly seemed to have much relevance in his father’s eye—though that didn’t preclude him from enforcing each with the same rigor. Ever since he was twenty years old, Hux stopped gaining information by merely manipulating the many members of the Senate, various military personal, and anyone else worth talking to, with words alone. That was when he started using his body as well. It was, unsurprisingly, his father’s idea. During one of the few events the man had bothered to attend, a fellow Senator and friend of Brendol made certain interests known and, sensing another chance to shrewdly extract information, Brendol urged Hux to oblige. And Hux, always yearning for his father’s approval, complied, just as he always did.

It hadn’t been Hux’s first time, thankfully, though he wasn’t exactly experienced either. But soon he learned how to manipulate in the bedroom just as well as outside it, and so the incident became a regular occurrence.

When he first met with Senator Saff it was clear and easy in the beginning to create the desired façade, to develop a suitable persona needed to slip into and become when around the man. However, Hux was extremely out of his element the first time words stopped being the only thing between them.

Saff had very particular tastes. He liked rope, he liked toys, he liked crying, screaming, pleading. He liked Hux coy and pliant and he loved to fill him with his wide array of items even more than fucking Hux himself. Hux wasn’t a stranger to these things, but all at once, and with a man whose eyes were cold and hungry, who was ostensibly just as intelligent and cunning as Hux himself, and who could care less when Hux was in pain, that was different. The Senator liked pain too, but he liked inflicting it. Aftercare for the man was merely wiping Hux down before sending him off with a kiss and a twisted smile.

The ‘meeting’ would take hours, over twice as much as any other person Hux had been with, and following every session Hux would be left exhausted both body and mind, sore, bruised, somewhat injured, and he always needed several days to recuperate fully. Hux considered one of his few saving graces that despite bruising easily, he healed fast.

Ignoring the pressure behind his eyes or how already his skin had begun to crawl, Hux shut the water off at last and stepped out, toweling off and drying his hair as best he could. Then he grabbed his long robe, absently tying it shut, and left the thick air of the refresher for the cool rush of his bedroom.

Unfortunately the last two weeks had aggravated Ren to the point where he was nearly as displeased as Hux, though his distress was different, somewhat. Dealing with the man’s increased petulance, his mulishness, being both quieter and more prone to argue, could be almost as tiring as everything else. However, unlike all the people he was roped into working with, Hux did in fact enjoy keeping Ren around. A very dangerous proclivity that Hux knew from the beginning would be a mistake. And every day, every week that had passed in the last four months, Hux would tell himself that he needed to send Ren away and hire a new bodyguard. The man had already been around longer than anyone Hux had hired for the last five years, at least. But— But Ren... 

Hux shook his head, attempting to dislodge any untoward thoughts; a habit he’d developed lately. It really did not help that Ren was clearly interested, or that his face, his kriffing eyes that Hux could swear saw right into his hollow soul, were so damn expressive. Hux was drawn in, a gravitational pull surrounding the man, and although Hux knew exactly how to avoid crashing into the depth that was Kylo Ren, he could never seem to put that plan into action. The man’s presence built up and drug out an enticingly precarious road that Hux continued to traverse.

Almost as if his thoughts had called out to the man, Ren was suddenly barging into his room, all force and intensity. His frustratingly attractive face twisted with anger. A long prepared argument surely on the rise based on the determined set of his equally as frustrating broad shoulders.

"What do you want, Ren?" Hux sighed, not sure if he wanted to deal with the man or not. He wasn’t certain he could handle another fight at present.

"I want you to stop," he replied firmly, that smooth, low voice of his pitched in a near growl.

"Stop what?" Hux knew what, but he also knew inquiring on something Ren was perfectly aware Hux knew, irritated the man.

"You know what."

Hux crossed his arms, a patronizing smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. "Do I?" What was he doing? He was tired, he didn’t _want_ to argue. And yet… Teasing Ren _was_ rather enjoyable.

Ren huffed loudly, running a hand through that damn pretty hair of his. "The last two weeks you’ve been running yourself ragged, Hux. I can’t stand watching it."

"I’m not asking you to. If you don’t like it, stop looking."

"I can’t _not_ look, Hux," he groaned, "Even if I weren’t your kriffing bodyguard."

With a scoff, Hux rolled his eyes dramatically. "Well too bad, Ren. This is my life and it’s not going to stop because you want it to."

Ren huffed again, looking away, and chewed at the inside of his cheek as he thought, then nudged the worried flesh with his tongue. Hux hated when he did that; it was annoyingly adorable.

"You could at least stop…doing one of those things," he murmured, sheepish almost.

Smirking, Hux cocked his hip, noting how it drew Ren’s eye. Of course, it always came back to Hux’s other job.

"And what thing is that?"

Ren frowned. "You know exactly what."

Hux nearly bit his lip as a thought occurred to him, settling in limbo while Hux decided on which way to go with it. Maybe...maybe he could do something _he_ wanted for once. Hux knew, he _knew_ Ren had to go, had for ages, and if he gave in to his pent up desires tonight then that could be the final push Hux needed to end this. Ren might ease Hux in ways he couldn’t even let himself acknowledge let alone name, but knowing that only made things worse. It was better for the man to be gone, and at least in doing this Hux could get something for himself, he could _feel_ something, something real, if only for a moment. Perhaps he could even lessen some of the stress that had been eating away at him lately as well.

Decision made, Hux stepped closer to the man. "You mean my little ‘talks’?" He grinned small and seductive, only more pleased at the surprise on Ren’s face.

"Yes," he whispered.

"And why should I do that, hmm?" Hux pressed a hand on Ren’s chest, solid and broad beneath his touch. "What reason could you possibly give me?"

The man gaped, further shocked and hesitant, looking down at Hux’s slender hand while his already pinkening cheeks flushed darker. "I…"

Hux began steadily pushing Ren backward. "You what, Ren?" The man jolted a little when his back hit a wall, his gaze returned to Hux’s and Hux drew himself closer. "Are you jealous, Ren? Is that it?" Of course it was. Hux tipped his head to the side, smirking still.

Ren’s mouth opened and closed, clearly still at a loss for words, his mole-flecked cheeks were blushing ever darker as he stuttered on air.

Hux leaned in, allowing his lips to hover just over those plump ‘kiss me’ ones of Ren’s that had screamed at Hux the moment he saw the man. Pressed this close, Hux could feel Ren’s rapid heartbeat against his palm, the heat of his body, their breath tangled as Ren started to take faster, deeper inhales.

"Do you wish it was you?" Hux whispered, their lips brushing, sending a shiver down his spine and a tremor through Ren.

Suddenly Ren’s hands were on his biceps, gripping hard, and his eyes were intense and longing, dark and hungry.

" _Yes_."

And then his lips collided with Hux’s, hard, wanting, taking Hux’s breath away. One of those large hands tangled in his damp hair, deepening the kiss. Ren’s tongue traced along the seem of his lips, begging for entrance, and Hux gave it. They both took a deep breath when their tongues brushed, Hux’s hand gripping Ren’s hair as well, pulling himself as close as he could manage.

Ren growled softly at the touch, and abruptly Hux was spun around and shoved roughly against the wall instead, Ren’s body pressed along his as they tried to devour one another. Both aching, both eager, craving, _needing_ to be as close as possible. _Stars_ did Hux wish their clothes were gone. He wanted that body Ren hid to be on him, to touch and lick and bite, to claw at the marred flesh with passion just as much as run his palms soothingly over every scar.

Almost as if the man had read his mind, one of Ren’s hands was frantically messing with the robe’s tie, nearly tearing it open to get to Hux’s skin. When that hand touched him Hux gasped into Ren’s mouth, his large palm warm and rough. Ren brushed his hand against Hux’s flat stomach, running along his side, sliding to his lower back and jerking Hux’s pelvis into Ren’s where he rolled his hips, forcing another gasp out of Hux.

Hux lifted a long leg to hitch against Ren’s thigh, locking him in, keeping him close. Hux was already half hard and he could feel Ren’s own growing erection against him; Hux could tell, just as he’d imagined, that Ren promised a nice long, thick cock and Hux moaned in anticipation.

Ren’s kiss pulled back a little, "Let me fuck you," the man begged, breathy and deep. Their hips grinding and he exhaled a soft moan against Hux’s lips, "Please, _please_."

" _Yes_ ," Hux gripped his hair harder, "Fuck yes."

Ren’s wandering hand was lightly grasping one of his ass cheeks, sliding to his back, running up along his spine and down again. When that warm touch returned to his side, both of Ren’s hands were trailing up Hux’s chest to his shoulders where the man pushed the thin material of the robe off and Hux let it fall.

When Ren leaned back, his mouth drawing away, Hux would deny vehemently that he whined.

"Shh, babe." Ren brushed his lips over Hux’s, then started placing feather soft kisses across his cheek and to the slender curve of Hux’s neck, nipping lightly, his tongue sliding soothingly across the faint mark before continuing on.

Ren moved along Hux’s narrow shoulder, his hands stroking Hux’s arms, and he slowly, so slowly, made his way down Hux’s body, touching gently, almost reverently as he went. On his knees now, Ren pressed a kiss to Hux’s hip, his breath so frustratingly close to Hux’s cock, hard and aching now, but Ren kept away. Hux did whine then, his hands in Ren’s hair, wanting to urge him over just a little to wrap those full lips around him. But Ren didn’t, instead he pressed another kiss, his hands on Hux’s pale thighs, running up and down, the touch light and gentle, making Hux shiver.

"So beautiful," Ren whispered suddenly against Hux’s skin.

The comment caused Hux’s eyes to widen and his urging stopped. Somehow the earlier rough desperation had swiftly spiraled down into a thoroughly unexpected softness.

Ren lightly ran his lips and nose across Hux’s side then slowly switched to his other hip, kissing it as well. "So very beautiful."

Hux’s breathing picked up, but not because of the sensual touches or Ren’s proximity to his erection. Those words, so tender, so honey sweet and awe filled coming from someone like Ren. Someone full of fury and strength, quiet and intense, someone formed as if destined for battle, a brilliant beast of fearsome grace, a silent shadow. Someone built like he was made for galleries of art, a marmoreal creature that deserved so much more than a hollow shell like Hux. Ren always had, and Hux knew it.

He wanted to shake his head, to say no, to tell Ren that _he_ was the beautiful one— _gods_ was he beautiful—but Hux didn’t get a chance. Ren trailed a rough fingertip along the underside of Hux’s cock, his plush wet lips following with a feather touch that made Hux tremble, then the tip of Ren's long nose was brushing up and up to the trail of ginger hair on Hux’s belly. All Hux could do was gasp, a tremor rippling through his body.

And then somehow Ren was standing again, kissing Hux deeply, both hands cradling his face.

" _Armitage."_  

At Ren’s sweet whisper Hux’s eyes flew open wider than before, his body stiffening, but Ren didn’t notice, his own hypnotic, void-like brown eyes closed as he stepped back. Not a single word could escape Hux even if he _could_ form one because Ren was scooping him up into his arms and walking them to Hux’s bed. 

He set Hux down rather than toss him—as he’d done in a few of Hux’s less than appropriate dreams—, and those eyes inspected every part of Hux with clear adoration in them. Then Ren started shedding his own clothes, hurried and graceless.

In a second Ren was on him, kissing him deeply yet again, a mix of fervent and gentle, and slowly pushing them up the bed until the headboard was just behind Hux. Ren’s large hands seemed to be everywhere, touching and memorizing, but Hux could only grip his black waves even though he wanted to touch Ren just as much. Hux was simply too lost still, too struck at the sound of _that name_. He wasn’t that name; Armitage was just that, a name. But…but when Ren had said it, made it sound so full and alive and sweeter than anything, Hux felt that maybe he could listen to it. Just for now, just for Ren. For…Kylo.

"Hux, please," Ren’s lips brushed to Hux’s neck and Hux exposed it for him. "Please touch me."

Nodding wordlessly, Hux let his hands drift down, his fingers brushed along Ren’s neck to his well-formed chest, tracing around his nipples, the flesh sensitive if Ren’s gasp said anything. Hux vividly remembered the first time he’d seen Ren shirtless, the man having been lost in himself and his training, glistening with sweat and flushed from exertion. Hux had hardly been able to notice anything else and might not have if Ren hadn’t nearly hit him in the face, but ever since that day Hux had dreamed of trying something. Something that would have been entirely unprofessional. Biting his lip, Hux pressed his palms flat to Ren’s chest then squeezed the plump pecs, letting his thumbs tweak the buds, rub circles around and against them, and earning Hux another gasp followed by a low moan. Hux grinned lightly and continued to indulge in eliciting Ren’s reaction a little longer, but soon eased his attentions to run his hands farther down. Trailing the tips of his fingers over Ren’s ribs, his sides, his broad shoulders and chest narrowing just a bit as his waist tapered to his hips. Hux traced along the taut solidity of Ren’s stomach, the outline of muscle gentle but evident beneath his wandering touch. As tempted as he was, Hux kept his hands away from the impressive cock that was pressed against his own, any movement they made forced Hux to gasp or moan softly in unison with the ones Ren murmured into Hux’s skin. Stroking across Ren’s hips Hux eagerly grasped the man’s ass, a cheek in each hand and both firm and tantalizing in his grip. The sharp intake of breath at his neck made Hux smirk.

Maybe he could do this, right himself again. Hux could keep control. He wouldn’t fall.

When Ren pushed down and grinded his pelvis against Hux’s for the first time since lying against one another, Hux moaned loud and gripped Ren harder in his shock, forcing their hips together further. Ren’s lips were at his again, delving into his mouth, hot breath and slick tongues, rocking them together, both hard and eager. Hux drug his nails up Ren’s back, feeling the shift of muscle on muscle, the subtle rise of small scars and moles, and Hux wrapped his arms around the man as he gasped and whimpered into Ren’s mouth.

Hux wasn’t sure how much time passed, his thighs were bracketing Ren in, one of Ren’s wide palms alternating between caressing Hux’s side, chest, and stomach, and Hux felt like he was burning and Ren was igniting him with every touch, every roll and grind and soft sound of pleasure. He was worried it all might be over before it even began if they continued on like this. But suddenly, Ren stopped, licking into Hux’s mouth, then along his bottom lip before pulling away.

"No," Hux whimpered in spite of himself.

Ren brushed the backs of his fingers along Hux’s cheek and Hux moved into the touch without a second thought.

"Not yet, babe." Ren leaned down to kiss Hux, soft and somehow teasing. "Definitely not yet."

Hux pouted a little, but he didn’t want it to be over yet either of course. He wanted more, so much more. Hux couldn’t let it end until he had Ren inside him, finally _finally_ ; he _needed_ it.

"Lube?" Ren asked against his lips.

Tipping his head to the right, Hux directed Ren’s attention to the bedside table, the half empty bottle located inside the top drawer. Ren pressed their lips together again once more then moved away to retrieve it.

Hux knew he needed to keep control, some control; he couldn’t fall. So while Ren leaned away, Hux swiftly and carefully repositioned to his hands and knees. This way there was some distance; staying on his back was too intimate, too much. Hux didn’t see Ren’s face when he came back, and he couldn’t, because Hux was afraid of what he might find in the man’s eyes if he did. Afraid of what such a look would do to him should he give in. Instead, when Hux felt Ren brush his hand along his spine, slowly slowly down until he cupped one of Hux’s small ass cheeks, gripping him tight, fitting so perfectly in the man’s wide palm, Hux allowed himself to glance back.

Ren was staring at Hux’s backside, his plump bottom lip caught between his teeth, both hands now holding Hux’s cheeks and parting them. Hux moaned just a little at the feeling and that seemed to break Ren from his trance. He glanced up, finally noticing Hux had turned to watch him, and Hux smirked a little.

"What are you waiting for?" Hux asked impishly.

Ren’s awe shifted away and he grinned back. A finger suddenly stroked down the cleft, brushing over Hux’s hole and sending a thrilled shiver through him. Hux’s eyes fluttered in the moment, and when he refocused, Ren’s brown ones were fixed with his, all dark and deep.

"Tonight, you’re all mine," he purred, his voice just as thick and drowning as his eyes.

Hux simply nodded, unable to do anything but. Ren then let go and popped open the bottle to coat his fingers in slick. Eyes still on him, Hux bit his lip in anticipation, and when a hand gripped one ass cheek and the cool touch traced teasingly around his rim, Hux’s back bowed as he gasped softly. Through half-lidded eyes Hux caught Ren’s satisfied grin just before the tip of a thick finger pressed in and Hux could only gasp again, turning away and dropping his head down.

One finger, two fingers, three; Ren opened him up agonizingly slowly. Brushing his lips, the tip of his nose, the smooth plane of his cheek against Hux’s back, leaving kisses and biting gently, squeezing the meat of his thigh and ass on occasion. Sometime during the delicious torture Hux had dropped to his chest, ass in the air, his flushed cheek pressed into the pillow and his breaths deep. Every stroke and pump of Ren’s fingers, curling and scissoring every so often, calloused fingertips brushing his walls, and the nail of his thumb running along the puckered skin of his rim, made Hux’s thighs tremble and his aching cock twitch.

Hux knew he was already a bit of a mess, panting and mewling and gasping whenever Ren pressed or stroked against that bundle of nerves inside him. His cock was so hard, flushed and leaking, and every time Ren teased his prostate, nipped his skin, or squeezed his ass Hux would beg Ren for more. He was never quite sure what of, only that he needed _more_.

Ren’s hand left his ass and tugged at Hux’s balls before he suddenly tightly grasped the base of Hux’s cock.

"Ah! Ffff- _ahhh_ —"

The touch and pressure forced a gasp from Hux, whimpering and murmuring in response. He tried to buck into Ren’s fist but the man’s hold was firm, merely keeping Hux in place and stopping any building orgasm from completing.

"Not yet," Ren said, a smirk evident in his tone. The man was clearly enjoying this far more than for mere physical pleasure.

"S-such a tease," Hux groaned, "You bastard." He kept trying to move his hips, as well as push back onto the fingers that had stopped moving inside him.

Chuckling softly but saying nothing in response, Ren slowly removed his fingers. Hux only groaned again, feeling himself clench around nothing, the emptiness seeming more intense than usual. Then Hux felt the bed shift behind him and then the presence, the weighted feel of Ren was above him as the man crawled up over Hux’s body. The heat of Ren’s breath, the brush of his lips was soon beside Hux’s head and Hux pushed up to his forearms to meet the touch, Ren nuzzling his slender neck and pressing kisses and gentle bites. Hux was annoyed with the man but gave in nonetheless, especially as he felt that Ren was just as hard as him when his erection pressed against Hux’s ass, sliding into the cleft as he rocked his hips.

After a few minutes of slow kisses at his neck and lazy grinding, Hux felt calmer than before, and when he noticed Ren move away, he felt that earlier anticipation spike a little at the sound of Ren slicking his cock.

"You ready?"

" _Stars,_ yes."

Ren tightly gripped Hux’s ass, his lips brushing against Hux’s back, a grin on them. "Good." The word sounded dark, possessive; the low pitch of Ren’s voice, the vibration pressed into his skin, sent a tremor through Hux.

Kneeling behind Hux, the man lined himself up. Hux bit his lip eagerly when the head bumped his stretched hole, and then Ren carefully pushed in, both exhaling a moan at the feeling. Pumping his hips slowly, in a little then out a little, over and over until finally, _fucking finally_ , Ren bottomed out.

Ren was panting as hard as Hux was, and chancing a peek behind himself, Hux saw the man’s eyes were closed, his face and chest lightly flushed. As Ren rolled his hips Hux almost didn’t hear the soft moan Ren made because he sucked in a startled breath and released a moan of his own.

"Fuck," Ren murmured again before opening his eyes.

They simply stared at one another, both burning with dark gazes, and soon Hux was rolling his hips back as well, trying to urge Ren to move. Slow again, Ren pulled out a couple inches then thrust back in, not too fast but more forceful than before. Then again, and again.

Hux dropped his head back down. "Mmm," he bit his lip, " _Ah_ , _mmm_ yes." He felt so full, so good, every thrust burying deep inside him. _Gods_ , when was the last time it felt like this?

"Fuck, you’re tight," Ren groaned, fingers digging into Hux’s hips.

Hux only nodded and shoved back onto Ren’s thrusts. "Ah, _ah_ , f-fuck!"

As the pace increased, every snap of Ren’s hips jolted Hux, the man’s grip tightening even more, Hux’s skin burning, forcing out moans and Ren grunting in response.

"Nngh, ah," Ren panted, " _Fuck_."

The air in the room was heady and thick, the sound of Ren’s hips snapping, the slid of every thrust of the man’s thick cock into Hux’s tight heat, their moans, their grunts and whimpering pleas.

"Fuck, Ren!" Hux gripped the sheets beneath him, having dropped to his chest again. "Harder, _fuck_ — harder, Kylo, please!"

Ren moaned long and low in reply, leaning forward as his hands lowered a little to get a firmer hold and pounded faster into Hux, every snap of his pelvis against Hux hit harder, pulling him back onto every thrust of his cock.

"Fuck!" Hux shouted.

He was losing control again, he knew, he knew. _Kriffing hell_ , he had to get a handle on this, draw it back. "I-is this what you wanted, Ren?" Hux could barely get the sentence out.

"Yes," Ren sighed, moaned. "Oh _stars_ yes."

Suddenly Ren’s pace slowed and an arm wrapped tight around Hux’s waist. Before Hux could say anything in protest he was lifted up, his back being pressed into Ren’s sweat slick chest, that arm keeping a tight hold and his other hand still secure on Hux’s hip. Without thinking, Hux instinctively lifted his arm to dig his fingers into Ren’s hair, gripping the thick strands as Ren resumed his prior pace.

Every few deep thrusts slammed Hux’s prostate and it took all he had not to shout, to groan loud and long with each hit. He swallowed hard and tried to focus again.

"Yes, this, _this_ ," Hux gasped, his words as smooth as he could manage, "They didn’t d-deserve this, did they?" Hux reached his other hand around to grip Ren’s ass, nails digging into the firm flesh. "They didn’t deserve to fuck me."

" _No_ ," Ren growled in his ear, biting at his neck and gripping him tighter, driving a few harsh thrusts up into Hux.

"Ah, _AH, fucking shit,_ Kylo!"

Hux jerked Ren’s head to the side and crashed their lips together. Ren’s pace slowed as they kissed messily, with more bite and tongue than lips.

"But you do, huh?" Hux asked between furious breaths.

Unexpectedly, Ren shook his head just a little. "No," he breathed into Hux’s mouth, kissing him softer. "I don’t— _nnnn_ , _fuck_. I-I don’t deserve you."

Hux barely kept his mouth from going lax, his grips from loosening and falling. Ren didn’t seem to notice, merely kept the pace, the mewls Hux released were more from the deep thrusts jolting his body roughly rather than from conscious recognition of the pleasure.

Ren was wrong, so wrong. _Hux_ was the one who didn’t deserve Ren. He didn’t deserve him at all. But Hux had wanted it, he wanted it so badly. Wanted this, wanted Ren buried deep with every thrust, filling him so good, their bodies hot, sweaty and burning, Ren’s voice deep and ragged, his rapid breaths in Hux’s ear and on his neck. Biting, sucking. Hux was selfish again, always was with Ren.

Hux didn’t deserve him. _Kriffing—,_ oh stars how he didn’t.

" _Ah fuck_ , Armitage," Ren gasped.

Hux inhaled suddenly at that name, yanked back down into the pleasure he was drowning in. It took him a moment, a couple hard thrusts and Hux felt his orgasm building, felt how much it had built. He was close, he was getting so wonderfully close.

"Kylo, _ah fucking—_ K-Kylo." Hux pressed his forehead to Ren’s temple, digging his fingers into the man’s hair, his hip, "Uhn, ah, ahh—"

Hux almost screamed when he felt Ren’s hand roll and tug at his balls, slide up slowly to his leaking cock, but instead of stroking him, Ren again tightly griped the base, stopping Hux’s orgasm in its tracks.

"Fuck!" Hux roared angrily, "Ren!"

" _Shh_ ," Ren whispered, his thrusts coming to a halt and Hux pulled Ren’s hair in retaliation, clawed at his side, but it didn’t deter Ren in the slightest. "Not yet, babe, not yet."

Hux whined at the loss, at Ren’s words, his body vibrating, his ass clenching desperately for more, and his hips trying to buck into Ren’s fist and grind back on his cock. But just like before, he had no luck. When Ren slowly pulled out Hux was definitely going to scream, but he was flipped over and fell to his back before the air could leave his lungs.

This was exactly what Hux did not want. Ren’s face, lovely and yearning and blissed, staring at him with those eyes, all where Hux could see. Ren carefully straddled Hux’s hips, nearly resting against his thighs, and was just looking at Hux, his eyes half-lidded, the brown blown black with a depth full of so much Hux couldn’t possibly read it, a small smile on the man’s kiss bruised lips. Both their breaths were still heavy and Hux could feel his face turning red, flushed far more than before, far more than Ren’s. Hux couldn’t think, and when Ren ran his wide palms up Hux’s sides, caressing his sweat slick skin, fingers brushing inward to graze his nipples, trace his collarbones and up his slender neck, Hux was unable to stop from arching into his touch. Hovering over Hux now, Ren let a single hand continue, rough fingertips stroking gently along the side of Hux’s face, his fevered cheek. He traced a cheekbone, Ren’s dark eyes following his every move, then brushed down to Hux’s slightly parted lips, a thumb sliding slow and light across the bottom one. Hux could feel his heart speed up, pounding and fluttering all at once, every part of him on fire.

"So beautiful," Ren whispered, just like he did before. Reverent and sweet.

As Ren leaned down and pressed their lips together, so gentle it hurt, Hux thought the pressure behind his eyes might finally burst. But he couldn’t cry, stars, he couldn’t cry. Hux never cried, never, not anymore. Not even now.

With effort, Hux shoved back the tears and allowed himself to follow Ren’s lead, the kisses slow, the man’s hand, that rough large hand Hux had seen wield weapons and take lives, seemed somehow so smooth on his cheek. Hux ran his hands up Ren’s chest, teasing his nipples, squeezing his pecs suddenly then rubbing his thumbs over the hardened nubs, reveling in the sharp gasp and tiny moan Ren released into Hux’s mouth.

Hux wished Ren’s body was closer like it had been when they first started, their bodies touching and grinding slowly against one another, but Ren stayed just out of reach, the both of them rocking into nothing but air as they continued to vibrate with their halted pleasure. Hux understood why, even now he could feel himself slowly relaxing again, minutes passing with soft kisses and light touches. But that didn’t lessen his annoyance at Ren for continuing to tease him, bringing Hux so close and then taking it away.

A little more time slipped by and then Ren was pulling back, repositioning himself to better reenter Hux. Eager for the return, to feel that fullness again, Hux let his legs fall open and didn’t hold back his long, relieved moan as Ren slid in, seating himself again in Hux’s tight heat.

Ren was back over him, and barely a thrust or two went by before Hux wrapped his legs around the man’s waist, trying to bring him deeper, to urge him faster and harder like before. His fingers dug into Ren’s back, one of Ren’s hands gripping and twisting the sheets and the other along the side of Hux’s face, a thumb on his cheekbone and fingers tangled in his mussed hair.

Their eyes remained locked, breathing rapid, thrusts increasing, and it wasn’t long before the two of them collided again, lips crashing hard, their teeth clacking and mouths parting. Hux was drawing him closer as much as he could, every grunt and moan Ren made only spurred him on, made him more desperate for the taste and the fullness, the earlier pleasure rebuilding in his gut and shooting up his spine.

" _Aaahnn, ahh,_ yes yes _yes_!" Hux moaned, gasping loudly as Ren’s cock pounded into him.

Soon their kisses became fewer, sporadic and messy, every snap of Ren’s hips jolted Hux, his grips tight and bruising, his skin burning, forcing more sounds from them both. Hux was losing control again, he knew it, he knew it. He wanted to regain himself but he couldn’t, _stars_ he couldn’t. Not as Ren tilted Hux’s pelvis up and pushed one of Hux’s thighs toward his chest, forcing Ren somehow deeper as they groaned in unison.

"Fuck, Hux," Ren kissed him, moaning words between breaths as he trailed the kisses down to Hux’s neck. "You’re beautiful, so beautiful."

Hux wanted to scream that he wasn’t, that Ren was, but nothing coherent would form. And Ren only continued the praise with every thrust.

"So brilliant, so perfect. _Stars_ , you’re so perfect, Armitage," he panted, whispered, then grunted softly, his pace grown as desperate as they both were for release. " _Nnnnm_ , _fuck_ , so fucking perfect."

 _No, no he wasn’t._ Hux was shouting inside himself, but only gasps and whimpers left him.

Hux could feel his orgasm perilously close, his thighs were trembling, the one still clutching Ren’s hip struggling to hold on. He knew Ren was close, they had both stopped bothering with kisses as neither of them could manage it. Instead Ren’s forehead was pressed against Hux’s, both had their eyes closed as they breathed each other in.

"K-Kylo, I— _fffuck, ahh_!"

Ren simply nodded.

"Don’t— _nnn_ , d-don’t you dare stop!"

"Never," Ren swallowed, inhaling shakily, "Never."

Hux gripped Ren tight, fingers bruising, nails scratching, "Kylo I’m, _ahh ahh ahh_ , f-fucking, _AH_!" He screamed, coming untouched before he swiftly reached down to grip himself hard, stroking as fast as he could to match the wild pace.

" _Fuck_ Armitage!" Hux’s tight walls were clenching with his orgasm, and every erratic thrust became harder, once, twice more, and then Ren’s hips snapped roughly against Hux. " _Fuck_!" He groaned loudly, pressing his hips close as his orgasm hit before Ren bucked into Hux a few more times as he came, pumping his seed deep inside him.

When Ren slowed, both trembling and panting, Ren practically collapsed, barely holding himself up enough not to fully crush Hux beneath him.

Hux stroked his fingers through Ren’s hair as they came down, relaxing into the humming afterglow, a small grin curling his lips against his wishes when Ren hummed contently and nuzzled his forehead against Hux’s, bumping their noses together. It wasn’t until their breathing had slowed that Hux felt Ren’s fingers caressing his cheek again, then Ren’s lips were brushing along Hux’s own, feathery and sweet before he pressed with more purpose. Hux kissed back, soon parting his lips to welcome Ren in.

The kisses were slow and lazy, soft and gentle like the once thick, passionate air around them had settled into. Exhausted, Hux let his leg fall from Ren’s side and, seemingly in response, Ren let go of his bruising grip on Hux’s folded one, which he let fall to the bed as well. Making them both hiss in oversensitivity, Ren slid out carefully, but rather than move away, he repositioned just a little to stay nearly on top of Hux.

Ren’s hand’s brushed Hux’s upper arms, tugging gently and urging Hux to let go. Reluctantly, Hux did, but instead of drawing away as Hux thought he might, Ren pushed Hux’s arms down above his head, then his wide palms ran up along the lean limbs toward Hux’s hands where he laced their fingers together.

"Armitage, Armitage," Ren whispered between kisses. "So brilliant, so beautiful."

Hux trembled every time he heard that name, his hands tightening in Ren’s as if the man could ground him, Ren’s low voice sweet and reverent like the man kept seeming to be, like he kept treating Hux. It took everything Hux had not to cry, tears threatening to fall again with every kiss and every breathy whisper of that name against Hux’s lips.

He really, truly did not deserve this. It hurt beyond words, but Hux couldn’t bring himself to stop it. Hux had known from the beginning that it would hurt, but he wanted Ren, _Kylo_ , he wanted something nice, he wanted to breathe the way he only ever could with Ren around. If the man didn’t leave soon, Hux was sure he would break. But tonight, he would finish tonight, and tomorrow he’d put in the request for a new bodyguard.

Eventually, as exhaustion took them both, Ren eased their kisses and drew back. He released one of Hux’s hands and again brushed those long fingers along Hux’s still flushed cheek, so soft and gentle and causing him to ache even more.

Ren leaned down and pressed a single kiss on Hux’s lips. "Perfect," he whispered, a grin evident by the brush of his mouth and sound of his voice.

Slow and weary, Ren moved and dropped to Hux’s side, leaving Hux to feel cold, so much colder than he usually was, staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. But then Hux felt Ren nudge him until Hux got the message and turned on his side. The man wrapped a strong arm around Hux’s slender waist and pulled him in close, Hux’s back pressed flush against Ren’s chest, Ren’s knees fitting behind Hux’s, and he nuzzled his face into Hux’s neck. Then, suddenly, Hux was warm again.

It wasn’t until now, or maybe until Hux had been nearing orgasm, that he’d realized how close to the precipice of falling he truly was, how much control he’d never had, control that had thinned and waned over the four months Ren had been with him. Hux thought, no, he was sure, the second he came was when he fell, and Hux fell hard, farther and farther down into Ren.

It should feel bad, Hux should feel bad about it all. He _did_ ache at what would happen once the sun rose and the next day arrived, but he felt good otherwise. For the first time in so very long, Hux felt clean. Lying there, filthy with sweat, come on his chest, come on his back from what Ren smeared onto his own chest, and come leaking from his pleasantly sore ass, he didn’t feel dirty in the least.

Ren whispered that name again, so soft and almost slurred, then pressed his face into Hux’s disheveled, sweat damp hair with a satisfied sigh and most likely a smile. That lopsided one that Hux saw on occasion, had witnessed more and more over the four months they’d been together, and never failed to make his chest feel tight.

But Hux wasn’t Armitage. Armitage didn’t exist, never really had. It was only a name, just a name, and Hux could never be Armitage. He could never be Kylo’s Armitage. He simply could never be Kylo’s.

For now though, Hux would let himself pretend. He would let himself be selfish just a little more, just a little longer.

Gripping Ren’s arm, Hux pushed back into the man and smiled, small and genuine, when Ren wrapped tighter, cuddled him more, and nuzzled closer. Sleep came quickly and Hux succumbed without resistance. 

That night, Hux slept better than he had in ages.

 

**\--//--**

 

The next morning Hux woke before Ren, unsurprisingly, and had to carefully and regretfully extract himself from the man’s hold. Hux only allowed himself a moment to study Ren, lying quietly on his bed. The man was stunning, a bit unconventional perhaps, but striking and lovely all the same, both soft and hard, smooth and rough. His skin was even fairer in the gentle morning light, especially when paired with his dark features, hair and eyes and the flecks of moles and freckles. Altogether he was somehow so strangely innocence looking, though his body displayed the strength of years of training, marred with scars, his already young face seeming more youthful in the peace of sleep even with the white pink gash across it. Hux wanted to reach out and touch him, trace those scars, create constellations from those spots, but he restrained himself. The time for selfishness was over. With the new day came reality, and Hux’s would soon be without Ren.

Showering swiftly, ignoring the marks Ren had left on his skin—Saff would only be spurred on by them, unfortunately—and dressing for another long day, Hux was ready and looking over instructions for that night on his datapad when he heard Ren stir. Sitting in one of the chairs at the left corner of the bedroom, ignoring the flickering light notifying him one of his contacts sent him a message, Hux had a clear view of the man as he came to.

Hux quickly redirected his eyes back to his datapad when Ren’s fluttered open fully to look at him. Though Hux evaded it, he still felt the moment Ren’s dark, sleepy eyes settled on him, almost as if Ren knew exactly where to focus his attention before he’d even truly woken, before even opening his eyes. It was a strangely familiar sensation, Ren’s awareness honing in on him; at times it was as if Hux were the lone spark of illumination in a sea of black. Hux knew he should find it unnerving, but the emotion simply wasn’t coming, the proper ones rarely did with Ren.

"Finally," Hux said when Ren roused a bit more, steadfastly disregarding his observation and being sure to keep his voice as even and impassive as ever. "You had best hurry and ready yourself, there’s less than an hour before my first meeting."

Ren groaned, "Why didn’t you wake me earlier?"

"It was a long night."

That wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the only reason either. Hux had wanted to put off having to speak with the man as long as possible, anxious about how he’d have to keep Ren at a distance, how he knew he would have to hurt him. Also, it let him cast glances at the man’s naked form whenever Hux fell pray to temptation. His final chance to take in every inch of Ren.

Hux stood then, keeping his eyes off the man. "We’ll have to eat afterward." He noticed Ren nod in his periphery, sitting up halfway, the burn of his intense gaze still doggedly fixed on Hux. "I’ll be at my desk until you’re ready to leave."

Nodding curtly toward Ren, allowing only a brief glance and determinedly refusing to acknowledge the questioning furrow to Ren’s brow, the depth of his eyes no doubt confused and perhaps downcast, Hux walked with a measured pace from the room. He couldn’t let Ren see him be anything but passive today. He would be quiet and cold.

It would be undeniably painful, endless stabs to his constricting chest that would only make the ache and the pressure threatening to break him even worse. Yes, this day would hurt, so very much. But it had to. He had tiring meetings, an event to attend, a job to do tonight, and Ren had to leave.

Hux could not have Ren. Not Kylo. Hux was not Armitage; Hux was barely even Hux. Armitage was only a name and the time for playing pretend was over. 

Those thoughts swirled endlessly in his mind, drilling into Hux to make sure he kept himself steady all day.

 

**\--//--**

 

"Ren," Hux addressed the man after a long string of silence, his voice smooth and quiet, bringing the pair to a stop in the corridor they followed on the way to Senator Saff’s guestroom.

Ren was already in a foul mood this evening, one that had been growing every minute, every second, as the day progressed. It was obvious why, Hux knew why. But Hux couldn’t break and he couldn’t give in to Ren’s anger or his grief, he simply couldn’t.

"What?" Ren grumbled. He was at Hux’s side, his arms crossed and his eyes cast away.

Sighing inaudibly, Hux anxiously tugged on his gloves, the color rich and violet; his entire ensemble that night was made to match the Senator according to his wishes.

"I won’t be needing your services any longer tonight."

Ren jerked his head over, "What? Why?"

"My father’s bodyguard will be accompanying me instead."

"Bailin? Why?" Ren was staring him down, a confused crease in his brow and tilt to his head. Hux tried to ignore it, but he could feel the question coming, the unspoken words seemingly caught in the air between them—had been since the morning, really. "Is this because—"

"This isn’t about you, Ren!" Hux nearly shouted— _nearly_ —, finally looking directly at the man. He kept his eyes cold as they locked with Ren’s, emotions so obviously warring within them. The cruel chill of his glare was likely the only thing that kept Ren from biting back just as viciously.

"But—"

"Goodnight, Ren," Hux quickly cut Ren off, turning away and walking again. "I’ll see you in the morning."

For a moment Hux thought for sure he heard his name uttered once more, the brush of a large hand on his, but whether it were true or not, Hux wouldn’t—didn’t—look back. Ren was to be put out of his mind. Tonight he could only expend effort toward one thing and that was most definitely not his frustrating bodyguard.

Rounding the corner, Hux spotted Bailin already waiting outside the Senator’s guest quarters, stoic and sturdy as ever.

"Bailin," Hux nodded in greeting to the man as he stopped outside the door.

"Hux, sir," he responded passively. "Are you ready?"

"As ever," Hux murmured.

Bailin opened the door for him and Hux stepped past the threshold, the entrance like a barrier to another world. As the door shut behind him, the man now on the other side, Hux felt his skin crawl as the sensation of being trapped—trapped in hostile territory, no less—took over. The air seemed thick already. Drawing in a deep, palliative breath, Hux continued forward, passing from the small excuse of a foyer and into the wide bedroom. His attention was immediately drawn to the bed where he saw several coils of rope, colored red and both thick and thin, lying on the crisp white sheets. There were no toys to be seen, but that wasn’t really unusual. The Senator liked to make each item a surprise.

There was a sound coming from the fresher, the door, Hux noticed, was open, and a few moments later the man himself stepped out. As Saff’s violet eyes landed on him, Hux made sure to tip his head down and shift his own eyes away before glancing up again from beneath his lashes. He curled in on himself just a little, his hands clasped together at his front.

"Hux, dear," Saff grinned, impish and telling of things to come. "You’re late."

"Yes, I’m sorry, I—"

"Ssshhh shh shh," he cooed.

The man practically glided over to stand before Hux, the four extra inches Saff had on him allowed the man to gaze down and require Hux to look up. It always bothered Hux when he was forced to look up at anyone, but this man— it made him feel even more insignificant. However, Hux begrudgingly supposed it did help him better fit the persona he slipped into when dealing with the Senator.

"I’m sorry," Hux whispered, eyes wide and wet.

Saff brought his hand up to brush along Hux’s cheek, "Don’t worry, sweetling." His long, thin fingers trailed over to Hux’s lips, pressing against the bottom one with his thumb. "We can discuss it later."

Hux nodded lightly, his focus still fixed on Saff’s gaze, the violet almost seemed to flicker as lust and anticipation, hunger and power, filled them. The black that steadily engulfed the rich color seemed somehow analogous to an unspoken metaphor, a cruel one.

The man pushed his blue-polished nail into the plump flesh of Hux’s lip, darkening the skin as the slight sting grew. Hux flicked his eyes back and forth between Saff’s face and his hand, then slowly he brushed the tip of his tongue out to lick delicately along the Senator’s thumb. Looking up again, Hux kept his gaze demure but hopeful.

When Saff smirked, pressing his nail harder, Hux quickly pulled for a memory to bring out a blush. Almost without warning Hux was bombarded with visions of the night before, flooding into every corner of his overactive mind like a furious tidal wave. Reacting with the speed of years of practice and experience, Hux hurriedly packed them away into a box before they could overwhelm him, and then he swiftly plucked one and let it unfold. Ren shoving him hard into the wall, the kisses they shared all lips and tongue and teeth, bodies flush together, burning, humming, rocking hips and grasping hair and moaning in fervent pleasure.

"Good boy," Saff praised, smooth and syrupy compared to the wicked twist of his lips.

The warmth of the flush on Hux’s cheeks appeared just as he needed it, rosy and delicate and changing him into some innocent yet timidly eager young thing. As predicted, the man only became more satisfied with Hux’s open and flustered expression.

"That’s it, sweetling." He stroked his other hand along Hux’s jaw, up his cheek and into his ginger hair. Gripping harshly, Saff jerked Hux’s head back, a gasp escaping him at the sudden move. "Time to play."

Hux resisted letting any emotion but what the Senator wanted to pass over his face. The man was right, in a sense, it _was_ time to play. But more than one game.

Let the battle begin.

 

**\--//--**

 

Hux was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. His body ached, his mind ached, _everything_ ached. However, he wasn’t yet done. Close, but not quite.

It had been almost an hour now that Hux had been busy typing out what he’d managed to pull from Senator Inar Saff that night, Bailin dutifully waiting at the antechamber door for him to finish.

Upon his return from his liaison, Hux had first gone in to strip out of the few pieces of his attire he’d bothered putting back on before leaving the Senator’s guestroom, and then slipped into his long robe, tying it shut, secure but loose. He’d gone to sit at his desk where Bailin had placed the datapad Hux was meant to enter the information into.

Now that he was nearly finished, it seemed only right that Ren should emerge from his adjoining room. Like the universe couldn’t help but continue the punishment. Despite feeling Ren’s intense gaze settle on him, his very presence seeming to make the air of the room thicker, Hux ignored the man, finalizing his entry before standing. He fought hard to make sure he didn’t sway or tremble when he did, or as he walked over to Bailin to hand off the datapad.

"I believe that’s everything. Should something I missed come to mind, I’ll send it directly to my father," Hux said, calm and quiet.

Bailin nodded, taking the pad. "Goodnight, sir."

"Yes," Hux sighed minutely, watching him leave.

Rather than acknowledge Ren, Hux turned just enough to keep his face away from the man and headed for his bedroom, absolutely desperate for a shower. It wouldn’t leave him feeling clean, it never fully did, but it especially didn’t after his nights with Saff. It was barely a balm to the gaping wound that tore a little more each time.

Passing the doorway, Hux was silently begging that Ren not follow him. Don’t follow, please _please_ don’t follow. But sure enough, the man was in, trailing after Hux as he headed toward the refresher.

"Hux."

"What, Ren?" He replied as evenly as he could manage.

"What was all that about? What happened tonight?"

"It’s none of your business."

"Of course it is!" The man bit back, his shout rather sudden.

Hux spun around, his eyes narrowed and his scowl harsh. " _It’s not_. Contrary to what you seem to believe, you are not privy to every little thing that happens in my life."

Ren jerked back just a little at the force of Hux’s ire, his glare cold and vicious.

Even though he knew he had to, it still pained Hux to hurt the man more. And he was already so on edge tonight, so close to breaking after holding the endlessly splintering pieces together in aching, shredded arms for what had ostensibly become an eternity, torturous and bitter. Hux worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep them in much longer, keep them tenuously in place, especially if he couldn’t get Ren to leave. In the last four months Ren might have made things a little better, but also so _so_ much worse.

"Get out, Ren."

The hurt shifted back into anger, a confused and wounded anger, but anger nonetheless. "No, I won’t. Not until you talk to me."

Straightening up, Hux looked down his nose at the man. "There is nothing to talk about."

"What are you—" his dark brow furrowed deeper, lip curling indignantly, "Yes there is!"

"There isn’t, Ren. Now get out of my room," Hux demanded coolly.

" _No_!" he bellowed, so loud it seemed the room shuddered. "You’ve been ignoring me all day. We _have_ to at least talk about last—"

"Last night?" Hux cut him off. "Why?" He crossed his arms, cocking a hip and giving Ren a cruel grin. "Did you think it was something special?"

The pain in Ren’s eyes made Hux want to scream, but he kept his façade the same. He couldn’t break, not yet, not yet. The man’s fists clenched at his sides, his eyes shut tight and his jaw tense. Hux couldn’t tell if Ren was going to scream himself or start to cry. Neither would be particularly helpful for Hux in his current state.

"You’re lying," Ren said quietly, his words taut.

"Just because you want it doesn’t make it so," Hux calmly answered.

The man’s head jerked up, his eyes open and glistening with unshed tears, though they filled with fury as much as sorrow. "You’re lying, Hux. I felt it, _you_ felt it. I know it meant something."

Hux was growing close to his edge, closer to the breaking point, the tears in Ren’s eyes pushing Hux further than he thought they could. He’d fallen once to the man, he couldn’t again. Fucking fuck, he just _couldn’t._

"It didn’t, Ren!" Hux all but shouted, his own hands now in fists by his sides, nails digging into his palms where barely visible crescent scars already marred the skin. "It was just sex, and in case you haven’t noticed I’m familiar with the unattached concept."

Ren stepped closer, up in Hux’s personal space as always. "It wasn’t just sex!" he roared, nearly snarling, loud and somehow shuddering the very room again, "It was real!"

Breathing deep, the breaths close to trembling, Hux knew he had to get away. Ren was too close, voice deep, scent strong, eyes intense. Growling in frustration, Hux pressed his palms against Ren’s chest much like he had the night before and physically shoved Ren back. But this time it was with harsh force and Hux did not follow. Instead, he twisted around quickly and made for the fresher again, prepared to lock himself in and spend all night in the shower if he had to.

"Hux, wait!"

"No!"

" _Wait!"_ Ren’s large hand had reached out and suddenly grasped Hux’s wrist.

The hold jerked Hux to a stop, and against his wishes he couldn’t help but hiss in response to the man’s tight grip on his wounded limb, pressing the fabric of his robe into the raw flesh.

Ren’s desperate anger faded into shock and then confusion at the noise Hux emitted, their eyes fixed on one another until Ren looked down at where they were connected. Carefully, he pushed up the sleeve and his eyes went wide, his mouth gaping as he stared at the red line circling Hux’s thin wrist, slight bruising on the edges, the skin rubbed raw with pinprick-like marks where blood was so close to escaping. He pushed it up farther to reveal more bruises and fainter but still evident lines of red marking Hux’s pale skin.

Hux was nearly shaking at Ren’s gentle touch and he was seconds away from falling to pieces when Ren spoke.

"Armitage," he whispered in concern, sincere and confused.

Rather than collapse, Hux snapped.

Jerking his arm away, _"Don’t call me that!"_ Hux practically screamed, furious and splintering, holding his arm to his chest. _"Armitage_ doesn’t exist and he _never_ did! It’s nothing more than a name!"

Ren’s hand was still outstretched, frozen in place as he stared at Hux, shock still evident on his features. The pregnant silence that fell seemed to stretch on endlessly, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, before Ren took in a slow breath and finally moved a step closer, speaking softly.

"Ar-Hux, that’s not—"

"True?" Hux finished for him, scoffing a small laugh, "It was always true, Ren. Armitage never existed, and much of the time neither do I. It’s all a part of the job."

Puzzled again, Ren shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh Ren, haven’t you figured it out by now?" Hux kept his eyes and voice cold, just as cold as he always felt. "I told you once that information was what I did. I told you that I was to my father as everyone else was to him." He tilted his head at Ren’s continued quiet, "I’m a tool, Ren. I’m nothing more than a tool for my father."

"You’re not a tool, Hux." Ren seemed to gain the strength of his voice back, his eyes angry and his lips frowning. The mention of Hux’s father tended to rile the man, his distaste for the Senator having grown exponentially the longer Ren had been there.

"Yes I am, Ren. I get him whatever he wants, by whatever means necessary. He made sure of that."

"What— Hux, _what_ are you talking about?"

Hux didn’t give it a second thought as he casually untied the sash of his robe, letting it open and fall to the floor, revealing the proof of Hux’s long hours of work. This time Ren audibly gasped, hissing through his teeth in shock, and took a step back. Marring Hux’s body were more bruises, all blooming in different sizes and colors, scratches trailing dark crimson lines. More red imprints covered him, the flush just irritated enough to show a pattern the rope had once been twisted into. Farther down his long legs Hux’s ankles mimicked his wrists exactly, raw and pricked with unshed blood.

"Understand now, Ren?" Hux asked bitterly. "My little ‘ _talks_ ’ were nothing more than a job." He huffed out a mirthless laugh, self-deprecating and underlined with loathing, "I moonlight as little more than a glorified prostitute. Manipulating in the bedroom as easily as out of it."

Before Ren could speak, Hux seeing him try to move closer, his face a tangle of so many things Hux refused to acknowledge, Hux held out a hand to stop Ren’s advance.

"I sent in a request for a new bodyguard this morning. Your services are no longer required." Hux maintained eye contact as he said this, staying impassive despite how inside he had finally shattered. Every second Ren stared at him with those eyes of his was another stab of the sharp, jagged pieces that once formed his tainted shell.

Turning again, Hux walked to the fresher but paused before crossing the threshold. "If you’ll excuse me, I need to shower. See yourself out."

With that, Hux managed to escape into the room and shut the door behind him. He leaned heavily against it, breathing as deep and steady as he could manage to avoid the rush toward panic that was trying to build inside him. After another few inhales, Hux pushed off the door and stepped into the shower, turning the water on and not bothering to wait until it was warm to get beneath it. He let the drops beat against him, the freezing bite gradually turning warm then warmer then hot. He didn’t waste time though, the second he was in and wet, Hux had gone about cleaning out his ass, desperate as always to remove the come and lube that hadn’t leaked down his legs. There was more lube than come this time, always was with Saff. But the shower helped a little, just a little, to rid himself of all that, which was why it was always the first thing he did when he went to clean up after his liaisons—the ones he bottomed in, that is.

It wasn’t until the air grew thick with steam that Hux opened his eyes, having been standing, silent and swaying absently, letting the heat of the water burn his skin as if it could scour away the last five kriffing hours. Hux’s lips started to tremble, the pressure in his chest, behind his eyes, it was all building so rapidly, so so— With a stuttering gasp Hux fell to his knees and couldn’t help as hushed tears started to fall, quiet sobs racking his slender form, battered both inside and out.

Hux was heartbroken and mourning for so many things, so many reasons.

And he did this to himself, he’d made it all so much worse. He’d doomed himself the moment he met Ren, every time Hux ignored his better judgment and let the man stay. Day after day, week after week, month after month. He’d become addicted to Ren, to the oxygen. Before Ren had entered his life Hux didn’t realize he’d been suffocating, because when Ren was around Hux was always filled with fresh air, every breath deep, full, _alive_. Hux felt alive when he hadn’t even noticed he’d been dead, when he hadn’t even realized he could ever be alive to begin with. Ren had woken something that had never really existed, he’d nudged awake someone Hux had never gotten the chance to be. But even still, Hux wasn’t Armitage and he could never be Armitage. Armitage was only a name.

A few minutes must have gone by before Hux realized there was someone, Ren, outside the shower, and then suddenly he wasn’t. Slowly Hux felt the air shift behind him as a now naked Ren knelt down as well, and, only causing Hux to cry harder, he felt the rough pads of Ren’s fingertips stroking along his skin, his back, his arms, the touch so gentle and reverent, so reminiscent of the night before. Ren was treating him like he was the most precious thing in the galaxy.

"So brilliant, so beautiful, so perfect," Ren whispered, his low voice somehow both loud and quiet in the enclosed space, the water droplets pattering on the slick floor.

Hux pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes, "I’m not, I’m not, I’m not." He shuddered with his sobs.

"You are, Armitage."

"No no no, not me," Hux shook his head. _"You_ are. Last night— Last night you said you didn’t deserve me," he took in a shaky breath, "You were wrong. _I’m_ the one who doesn’t deserve _you_. I don’t deserve your words or your touch. I didn’t deserve them then, and I certainly don’t deserve them now. I don’t deserve any of it." His voice trailed off, growing softer as each one sunk in a little deeper. The realities of the situation he’d never said out loud, now manifesting with every spoken one.

Ren leaned close and Hux trembled in response, "You do, baby, you do." He brushed his lips between Hux’s shoulder blades, his fingers still tracing soothingly along his sides. "You deserve everything. My lovely," he pressed a kiss, "Lovely," another, "Armitage."

Ren kept whispering brilliant and beautiful and perfect and Armitage Armitage Armitage, all between sweet touches and light kisses, his body so close and so warm. Always so warm. Every time praise fell from the man’s lips, or that name, _that name_ , Hux just kept breaking somehow even further.

"Armitage?" Ren breathed. "Do you want to know a secret?"

Hux couldn’t really form a coherent thought, and the barely there nod he gave was more absentminded than consciously done. Suddenly, the water stopped, the droplets stagnant all around them, and then Hux watched as the faucet handle turned to shut off the already halted water flow. The fingers and palms caressing his back trailed up and up, touching the slender curve of his neck and brushing his temples.

Only a second after Ren’s fingertips settled, Hux heard a low, gentle voice in his head, saying, _'Armitage.'_

With wide eyes and parted lips, Hux turned quickly to face Ren who wore a small smile, soft and nervous, mirroring the look in his expressive eyes. Almost like a jolt, a memory came to Hux of the night a few weeks prior when Ren had stabbed Hux’s would-be assassin with a dagger-like lightsaber.

"You’re a Jedi?" Hux quietly murmured.

Ren shook his head. "No. Once, a long time ago, I might have been, could have been...but that was one of many possible futures I left behind when I stopped being Ben."

Hux’s eyes were searching Ren’s, noting the uncertainty and hope still taking up the depths of the mesmerizing brown. Focusing instead on the white pink scar bisecting Ren’s face, Hux reached out a hand and traced the tip of his finger from Ren’s brow across the bridge of his nose to his jaw and down along the sliver on his shoulder.

"This was from a lightsaber."

"Yes. My cousin was training to be a Jedi, like I was, before I left."

Somehow in the time between when Hux first turned and now, Hux had ended up in Ren’s lap, his finger trailing back and forth along the smooth skin of the scar, the silvery shine evident in the light and how it reflected the water.

"Armitage," Ren whispered.

Hux kept his eyes from Ren’s as a small, tired frown twisted his lips, "I told you, Armitage doesn’t exist and never did."

Ren caught Hux’s wrist, stopping his feather light touch. "He does, _you_ do. You _are_ Armitage."

Hux slowly shook his head, biting at his pouting lips as he tried not to cry again.

"Hey," Ren’s other hand brushed along Hux’s jaw, directing him to look at Ren. "Do you know why I call you brilliant?"

There was no reason to say anything. Hux knew Ren would keep talking, keep explaining while his fingers stroked Hux’s cheek, slow and calming, and Hux leaned into it.

"When I call you brilliant, I don’t just mean your mind, I mean _you,_ your appearance and presence in the Force. Before you I’ve never come across someone who shined so brightly. You’re like a star, burning and beautiful, brilliant and impossible to tame." Ren grinned when Hux whimpered softly against the man’s palm. "Over the last few months I noticed how you always seemed a little brighter at times. Like whenever we’d argue, like when you were shot by that crossbow, like last night," Ren’s thumb brushed over Hux’s lips, "Like when you yelled at me outside the door earlier, and like right now, right here."

That redirected some of Hux’s attention from Ren’s touch to his eyes.

"You seem to hide all the time, smothering yourself, always so controlled; I was able to catch flickers of emotion shifting your presence only half of the time, and you righted yourself so fast. But when you stopped expending effort to suppress who you are, what you want— when that brilliance was at its fullest, _that_ is Armitage, _my_ Armitage."

Ren’s thumb continued to sweep along Hux’s bottom lip, their faces were so close now, and Ren’s whisper of that name sent a shiver up along Hux’s spine. And he was falling again. Hux wanted so very much for all that to be true, he wanted to be Ren’s Armitage, _Kylo’s Armitage_. He wanted to be Ren’s just as desperately as he wanted the man himself.

Searching his eyes for only a moment, Hux quickly leaned in and pressed their lips together, his hands cupping Ren’s face as he drew him in, rolling his hips as they licked into each other’s mouths.

Ren gasped, but instead of reciprocating with more eager movements, he placed his hands on Hux’s hips to stop him. Hux pushed his fingers into Ren’s hair, whimpering against the man’s plush lips.

"No," Ren declined softly, "You’re hurt and I won’t hurt you more."

"Kylo, please," Hux rocked slowly in the man’s lap, gripping him close, "Please please." He pressed his lips quickly to Ren’s, murmuring through kisses, "Just something, just give me something, something good. _Please_ , Kylo." Hux kissed him deeper, gasping at the feel of both their cocks rubbing together. "I want to breathe," he whispered, "I want to be Armitage, _your_ Armitage."

Ren groaned and pushed his lips up to meet Hux’s, pressing him close as Ren’s arms wrapped around his slender torso, holding him secure but gentle, their hips moving together. Everything soon became a haze of kissing and touching, panting breaths and sparks of pleasure with every brush of their hardening cocks.

"Ahn, _mmnn_ ," Hux moaned breathily into his kisses.

Another few sounds escaped Hux, growing more ardent with each, when Ren reached between them to grasp both their cocks in his large hand. Hux gasped at the sensation, bucking in response, and threw his head back, leaving his neck free for Ren to tease, kissing up the slender curve as he jerked them off.

Hux knew he wouldn’t last long at all, he was already so spent in so many ways, but it didn’t matter. This was good, it was so good.

"Fuck, _ahhn_ , ah." Hux tightened his grip in Ren’s hair, feeling his orgasm nearing, his thighs trembling and pressure building.

Ren’s lips were beneath his jaw, panting into his skin. "Ar-Armitage…’ He rolled his hips, thrusting slightly and pumping his fist faster, "I’m…I…"

Hux nodded, "Yes, yes."

With a gasp and a long moan, Hux came—barely—, pressing his cheek against Ren’s temple. As he rocked in Ren’s lap, riding out his high, Ren grunted, his grip tightening and faster still, then groaned low as his own hot seed coated his moving hand. Hux didn’t mind any oversensitive stings while Ren jerked himself dry; instead he refocused his attention on the man’s lips, his mouth. He kissed Ren deeply, ignoring the occasional absent buck of Ren’s hips as Hux pressed flush against the man again.

"Thank you," Hux murmured, sliding his tongue along Ren’s plump, flushed bottom lip. "Thank you," he delved in, Ren eagerly joining.

They kissed slow and deep, neither caring about the mess between them, and every so often Hux would whisper a thank you again. Ren’s messy hand slipped into Hux’s hair, pushing their mouths closer and whispering back that name, Hux’s name, _Armitage_. Hux whimpered softly. 

Eventually, Ren brought them to a stop, their breaths heavy and the air still thick and warm around them despite the water having stopped what felt like ages ago now. Seemingly mindful of Hux’s shaky limbs, Ren helped Hux stand, bringing him closer to the center of the frozen spray.

Hux was expecting Ren to turn the water back on, return the rules of physics back to the airborne droplets around them, the ones that hadn’t touched their skin. Instead, Ren reached down and took up Hux’s hands, holding his wrists gently, brushing his thumbs over the raw marks. He brought each wrist to his lips, kissing the wounds with light brushes. Surprising Hux further, Ren then wrapped his hands around the wounds, one large hand to each slender wrist, covering them completely, and closed his eyes. Hux’s brow furrowed, confusion on his tongue, but before words could form Hux felt a strange warmth start at his enclosed wrists and work its way up his arms, tingling and growing warmer still. After less than a minute, Ren released him and Hux looked down to see his wrists lined with only the faintest marks, something that would likely be gone in a day or two.

Again Hux went to speak, but Ren beat him to it.

"Healing was never my best skill," he brushed his thumbs along the light pink lines, his head tipped to the side just a little as he studied his work. "I haven’t done it since my training back at the school."

Ren flicked his eyes up to Hux’s, flashing him a small grin before lowering himself to the ground, kneeling like a subject to his king, and with gentle but firm grasps around his ankles, Ren did the same to them.

As Ren stood, moving slowly, he ran his hands up along Hux’s legs, his calves, his thighs, kissing the bruises on Hux’s hips, the ones that Ren had given him, the bruises that Hux loved. Once standing again, Hux had a moment of shock when Ren reached a hand out and the soap simply came to him, and another when he felt the water hit his skin. He was able to brush off the mild jolt from the water and his surprise at Ren’s abilities when the man started to clean Hux himself. Always _always_ being so soft and gentle, and whenever he was soft and gentle Ren seemed to whisper to Hux those little praises, littering small kisses along his skin.

"Armitage," he pressed his lips to Hux’s narrow shoulder. "My Armitage."

Yes, yes, he wanted that. Hux wanted that. He wanted everything Ren kept giving him, anything he would let Hux have. In all his life Hux had never felt so much at once. Breaking and falling, but Ren continued to pick up the pieces and put them together, catch every one and make sure Hux wouldn’t truly shatter, wouldn’t get lost. When Ren’s hands spread across his back, the man’s lips at his ear and whispering endlessly, Hux was thankful the water hid the tears that fell from his eyes again. Though this time it was for a much different reason.

When they were finished and stepped out, Ren took it upon himself to again assist Hux and dried them both, then, despite Hux’s protests, Ren swept him up and carried him into the bedroom. Hux told—no, ordered—Ren over and over to put him down and that he was capable of walking from the fresher to the bed, but Ren didn’t listen any better than he usually did when he’d decide Hux needed to finally rest for the night.

Ren quickly crawled in beside Hux after he’d laid him down, slipping beneath the covers, and pulled Hux to his chest which Hux nuzzled his face into, inhaling deeply, taking in Ren’s scent that was his alone, embracing the warmth that Ren always radiated and inspired. Hux had never realized either how cold he truly was until Ren had appeared, until the other night when they’d touched in every way possible.

"Hey Hux?" Ren nudged his nose against Hux’s damp ginger hair.

"Hm?"

"Am I really fired?"

Hux’s lips curled in a small grin, hearing the smirk in Ren’s voice. "Not quite, but yes. I already put in a request for a new bodyguard."

Ren didn’t ask why, he simply held Hux close, one of his hands running up and down along Hux’s spine in the calming silence. Hux knew he didn’t need to say anything more, but he felt he had to, Ren had to know.

"You know it’s not— It wasn’t because I don’t care about you, Kylo. It’s because I _do."_

"I understand," Ren nodded, continuing to stroke Hux’s back.

With a slender finger tracing Ren’s generous pec, Hux asked, "What will you do now? Will you go home?’ His brow creased, thinking on his own question, "Do you even have one to go to?"

Ren shrugged a shoulder. "I’ll go back to my ship, which I suppose is as close to home as anything since I left my old one," he answered calmly. "I’ll figure something out from there."

"Is it nice? Your ship?" Hux mused, largely just to keep Ren speaking, to hear his low, smooth voice, rather than because he was terribly curious.

"It’s alright, but it’s not home anymore, provided it ever was."

Perplexed again, Hux asked, "What do you mean?"

"You’re my home now," Ren replied almost matter-of-factly, then brushed his lips in Hux’s hair as a whisper filled his head _. ‘I’m in love with you, Armitage.’_

Hux stiffened, his eyes growing wide and his finger stopping its lazy touches.

Still brushing his own fingers along Hux’s back, Ren remarked softly, "You don’t have to say it, not yet, but maybe someday, when you’re ready."

At that Hux finally pulled back to better look at the man. "That can’t happen, Kylo. You’re going to be leaving, remember?"

"Yeah, and you should come with me."

Now Hux’s mouth gaped along with his wide eyes from earlier. "Kylo, I-I can’t just," he stumbled hesitantly, "I can’t just _leave."_

"Why?" Ren leaned in, his long nose less than an inch away from Hux’s. "What’s here that’s keeping you except a father who treats you like nothing, like a _tool?"_ His voice tapered off into a low growl.

Hux noticed how Ren’s eyes darkened as well when speaking of the Senator, a darkness Hux had seen flickers of at times, times when his father was mentioned even, but never quite like this. However, Ren soon softened again, bumping Hux’s nose with his own before leaning back a bit.

"Armitage, please, come with me. You can be happy, you can _live_. I mean, it won’t ever be a particularly structured life," Ren smirked knowingly, "But it would be a life, and we could be together." He cast his eyes away sheepishly after saying that.

The beat of Hux’s heart was strong and anxious, both the good and the bad. Hux wanted that. He wanted that life like he wanted to be Armitage, like he wanted to be Kylo’s. In that life he could have those things too. But…but what he had now was all he knew. _Could_ he do it? Really do it? In a strange way Hux had never done anything so risky and orderless. But, he supposed he could bring order to whatever chaos came up. Ren was a special brand of chaos, but he also had his own special brand of order, and somehow Hux meshed well with Ren. Hux also had connections and skills that would work just fine, wondrously so even, with some of Ren’s various jobs. It could work. It could. He could have Ren, _Kylo_ , have a life, be Armitage. Learn how to live and breathe.

Hux could have it. And so he would.

Only a few minutes had passed while Hux thought, and as he focused his eyes on the man who’s own were filled with anticipation and fear, Hux grinned small and genuine.

"I can’t leave."

Ren’s lips fell into a sorrowful frown, his gaze became sadder than Hux had ever seen and the man already had the most ridiculously expressive brown eyes.

Hux stroked his cheek fondly and added, "Not right away. It would be too conspicuous to leave when you do." His grin widened when Ren’s features brightened rapidly, that endearing pout flipping around completely.

Now that Hux had settled on his choice his mind swiftly began working a mile a minute, devising a plan for the both of them. Ren would leave soon; remaining a few days first, enough time to get his last salary sent through, his things packed, and a ship arranged to take him to wherever Ren needed in order to return to his own. While Ren was gone, Hux would stay behind and continue on as usual. During that time he’d work on creating numerous false accounts under varying aliases to stash away his money and anything else he could manage, as well as any information beyond what he already had and could arrange. Information was always a valuable weapon, as Hux very well knew. So he would wait, living otherwise like nothing had changed for about a month, and then when he was close to being ready Hux would contact Ren.

While he’d been planning, Hux didn’t realize he was mumbling out loud, Ren listening as he stroked Hux’s back still, the touch so light and soothing Hux barely even noticed anymore.

"I can stay as near to you as possible and check in now and then through the Force."

Hux startled a little and jerked his head up, brow furrowing. "How— Were you in my head or was I talking out loud?" He admittedly didn’t know a great deal about the Force beyond a few broad facts and hearsay, but mindreading was definitely a widely accepted bit of knowledge.

"I’ve never been in your head, not really. You were mumbling."

"Right," Hux said, slightly incredulous, but decided it was a conversation for another time. "What were you saying then? You could check in through the Force?"

"Yeah, I’d know your presence, your mind, anywhere. After spending all this time with you, after— after the other night, after earlier… Let’s just say it’s _much_ easier."

That felt cryptic, and Hux was already in uncertain waters with this Force business to begin with. Nevertheless, he opted to ignore it for the time being and filed it away as another thing to inquire upon at a later date.

Pondering Ren’s words, Hux was struck with an idea. "I’m curious; if you can pick up on my mind, if I were to think something very loudly, could you hear it?"

"Yes, but you’d have to open your mind to me." He paused, as if his complete response wasn’t yet done. "I guess I’d have to open mine too."

"What do you mean?"

"Back when I left I’d chosen not to read other people’s minds if I could help it, so I sort of closed myself off a little. I could still pick up emotions, but unless someone basically screamed in their heads I wouldn’t be able to catch loud thoughts accidentally."

Hux smirked, "How unlike you to have such a practical and nonintrusive habit."

Ren nudged Hux, a playfully annoyed smirk curling his lips. "Shut up, Hux."

He scoffed, still grinning faintly, "Alright then, so how about after a month has passed you make sure to be near this area and I’ll call out for you when I’m ready."

"That works for me. Though I’m not too fond of the one month part," he frowned pathetically.

Rolling his eyes, Hux pressed back into Ren’s chest, huddling close to the man and his warmth. Satisfied enough to put Ren’s dramatics aside and get some very much needed sleep, "You’ll live, Ren."

"You overestimate my abilities," Ren countered, nuzzling Hux’s hair and thusly stalling his rest. "Four months of nothing but you, I got addicted. Then you go and give me a taste of everything only to send me away for a month of none of it."

"You survived four months without your dick in my ass, I think you can make it through one easily."

"Have you ever fucked you, Hux? Because then you’d know better than to expect that to be true."

Hux huffed, shoving lightly against the man’s chest. "If that was supposed to be a joke of some sort, it was terrible."

"You’re smiling."

"No I’m— how do you know that?" Hux asked in annoyance. "Are you in my head? If you are then get the fuck out."

Ren chuckled softly, "I’m not in your head. I won’t ever be unless you want me to; well, not rummaging anyway." He pressed his cheek against Hux’s head, tucking Hux in closer as a relaxed sigh escaped him. "Now sleep, babe. It’s been a long day."

"Don’t think you can order me around, Ren," Hux teased, harkening back to old arguments of theirs.

"Hn," Ren hummed, lazily nuzzling Hux’s crown, _‘Sleep, Armitage,’_ he pressed gently into Hux’s mind.

Ignoring the man’s gentle orders to sleep—despite having wanted to do so just a minute earlier—, Hux couldn’t help but roll his eyes again at the man, at the little tack-on Ren had added to his promise. But, to be honest, he didn’t really care. Hux supposed Ren referred to the fact he would still push thoughts into Hux’s mind on occasion, but not take anything from him unless Hux allowed it. As peculiar and still a little jarring as it was to have a foreign voice speaking foreign thoughts into your own, Hux found himself enjoying it. There was an intimacy there, in both hearing and feeling the man, a sort of connection he’d only ever had with Ren. And he wanted that intimacy. Wanted it like so many of the things surrounding the man. And yet...

With the rush from earlier settling, a part of Hux still stumbled uncertainly against his fears, the realities that made him and continued to cling bitterly to his splintered self, pressing in just enough to keep Hux feeling apprehensive. Gnawing on his lip, he argued with himself over whether or not to voice his concerns. Doing so was far and away out of character for him, but then again this entire experience with Ren had been rather atypical. Now, with his barriers so low, might be the only time he _could_ manage it.

"Kylo?" He finally whispered into the warm space between him and Ren. Enough time had passed that Hux wasn’t certain if he would receive an answer or not.

"Mm?" It was clear by his soft murmur that Ren had indeed been near sleep, burrowing a little closer in response to Hux’s quiet call.

Hux used the gesture to help bolster his resolve. "Did…did you mean what you said?"

"About what?" He paused for a moment, waking a little in the process, "That I love you?" Ren pulled back to look at Hux, but Hux stayed close to Ren’s chest, keeping his eyes away from the man’s. "Of course I meant it."

Hux had stiffened a little at those words, the sentiment now spoken out loud and pointedly affirmed, his flush returning stronger, his cheeks burning. Still, he shook his head. "I— No, I meant…I mean all of it."

"Armitage," Ren said quietly, gently, stroking his hand down Hux’s spine, the other in his tussled hair. "Of course I did, I meant every word. Always."

A shuddering breath ran through Hux, prompting him to huddle closer to the man as if he could hide that still lingering fear, his uncertainty and discomfort.

"Why?" Hux asked. The question was soft, nearly whispered into Ren’s warm skin, spoken so quietly Hux wondered if Ren could even hear him.

A chill hit Hux’s back despite the dark sheet covering the two of them, and when he felt the rough, gentle touch of Ren’s fingers along his cheek, Hux startled just slightly, not in shock of the touch but how it remained so tender.

"Armitage," he lightly brushed the backs of his large fingers along Hux’s cheekbone, "You’re perfect."

Hux gripped the man tighter, trying to bury his face against Ren and burrow deeper and deeper until he could escape the falsehood and everything that made it so. He _wanted_ to be Armitage, he _wanted_ to be Kylo’s, he did, he truly did. But he wasn’t perfect, he simply wasn’t.

"But I’m not. I’m the farthest thing from perfect," he murmured in response.

"You’re perfect to me. You’re my perfect."

Hux released a sudden laugh, short and almost watery, the pressure of tears pushing against his tightly closed eyes. "You have terrible taste."

"So you’ve told me," the grin in Ren’s voice was noticeable. "But it’s still true," Ren trailed his fingers again, urging gently for Hux to look at him, "You’re brilliant, beautiful…" When Hux allowed himself to look up, a smile far too warm to be real was shining down on him. Ren brushed his thumb along Hux’s lower lip, "Perfect," he whispered, the tone similar to the other night just before the man had rolled off him, but the softness of his eyes now was far beyond what it had been.

Searching his gentled mien slowly, Hux sighed, fighting back the urge to hide again. "Kylo, I’m—"

"You’re not tainted, Hux," Kylo’s gaze hardened slightly, not really in anger so much as determination.

"I’m far beyond tainted, Kylo." Hux tried to look away, but Ren gripped his chin, keeping him in place.

"No," he growled softly, but the sudden rise of anger passed and softened again. He returned to caressing Hux’s still faintly flushed cheeks. "You’re broken, Armitage. But broken doesn’t make you bad, or tainted, or imperfect."

"Kylo, broken and perfect are essentially opposites."

He huffed a quiet laugh, "You’re being too literal."

Hux pouted slightly and Ren only grinned wider at his irked expression, the man’s touch spreading farther to his neck, his hair, never leaving Hux for a second.

"You’re perfect _because_ you’re broken."

Frowning deeper, Hux’s pale brow creased as his eyes narrowed slightly, "That doesn’t make any sense."

No doubt picking up on how Hux’s confusion was knotting with his growing annoyance, Ren huffed in light frustration. "What I mean is— You’re perfect for so many reasons, Armitage, you are, but,’ he twined his fingers into Hux’s hair, holding him securely, "You see, I’m broken too."

The subtle change in Ren’s argument puzzled him. "Kylo, what are y—" Sudden but slow, Ren pressed a finger to Hux’s lips before leaning his head down to press his own against Hux’s crown.

"Ssshh," he whispered into Hux’s hair, "Please, just..." Ren leaned back and gave Hux a pleading look. The maddening warmth of his brown eyes, the gentle upward curve of his plush lips, Hux couldn’t help but give in, and quieted. Ren’s small grin widened in thanks before he began to speak, "I won’t pretend to understand how you feel, not specifically. I know we’re broken in different ways. But we’re both broken all the same." He smiled as Hux continued to look up at him. "I’ve had time; time to heal, or try to at least. I can understand what it is to be broken, so maybe I can help you put yourself together again." The rough warmth of his large hand settled against Hux’s chest, pressing in, "The pieces will never fit the same, you’ll never be who you were before it happened, but you can rebuild, cover the cracks and become whole. Even if it tends to break a little every now and again, we’ll have each other to help repair them."

For the longest moment Hux simply stared into Ren’s eyes, the soft words running through his always rapid mind, seeming so loud and yet so soft, heavy yet lifting, assuaging a burden weighing him down. Tying up loose ends that had been left unattended earlier. It wasn’t until Ren brushed a thumb across Hux’s cheek, the touch becoming warm and wet, that Hux realized he’d been crying. Quiet, but tearful all the same. He startled just slightly; however, rather than retract, he leaned in, shutting his eyes, wet lashes brushing his warm cheeks, and breathed slow and deep.

He thought as loudly as he could, _‘I don’t deserve you.’_

 _‘Wrong, baby. My lovely Armitage. We deserve each other._ ’

Hux exhaled the faintest laugh through a small grin, _‘Lovely.’_ He shook his head before tucking himself back into Ren’s chest.

 _‘Yes,’_ a hand twined gently in his hair, _‘So lovely.’_

"You’re ridiculous," he sighed without bite, snuggling even closer when Ren wrapped himself further around Hux. It was truthfully a bit more comfortable with Ren behind him, but Hux didn’t want to move and he didn’t want to leave Ren’s chest or how much it felt like the sort of embrace Hux had never received before.

Everything was clean again, somehow both inside and out. Everything was perfect, finally perfect. _Kylo_ was perfect, and he’d fight the man if he tried to argue that Hux was instead.

Still, even after Ren’s assurance, Hux was admittedly uneasy about the coming days. However, the anticipation for the future, _their future_ , helped push the lingering nerves down and settle them into a manageable state. Only one short month and Hux would be Armitage and he would be Kylo’s and they would be together.

Closing his eyes, his lips wearing a small contented smile, Hux drifted off as easily as he had the last time. And he knew he’d sleep just as peacefully too.

 

 

**\---/// Kylo POV ///---**

 

 

Finally, kriffing _finally_. A month had now passed and Kylo still couldn’t believe his solitude would at last be over soon.

In the beginning he was honestly feeling much the way he’d joked that night they’d planned their future, pleasantly wrapped together in Armitage’s bed, that it was withdrawal and Kylo would be forced to suffer through it. Waking up on his ship after months of being away, it took him days before he stopped thinking each morning was a dream, or perhaps that his time with Armitage had all been one. Every day was lonely in a way Kylo couldn’t remember feeling in years, hurt in a way Kylo didn’t think he’d have to endure again.

Kylo’s world had always been painful and lonely, and after his doubly painful goodbye with Rey, after he’d left his uncle’s school, his home, everything he knew and never looked back, Kylo had resigned himself to the fact he would always feel that way. Maybe a little less now that he was free of everything that carved those wounds, but they would leave scars just as visible as the one on his face, ones always in danger of tearing open.

If Kylo hadn’t experienced it himself, nothing could have made him believe that one day he’d find someone just as lonely, just as torn apart as he was, and that that person would become everything to him. And Armitage _was_ everything. Kylo hadn’t grasped just how true that was until he’d spent a few days away from the man entirely. No Armitage from morning till night. Not physically, not in the Force—beyond an unsatisfactory flicker—, nothing and nowhere. It was certainly a more startling realization than he’d have thought, but also settled in much faster as well.

Whenever Kylo chanced to be near Arkanis, when he could reach out and sense Armitage’s presence, that brilliance that could only belong to Armitage, Kylo was able to relax, unwind. And whether or not he got the chance to hear the ginger in his thoughts, just knowing he was near and being able to sense him helped. Armitage centered him, because Armitage had _become_ his center.

Currently he was doing just that. With the month time limit having gone by, Kylo was now eagerly waiting to hear from Armitage about what to do next. The man had said he’d reach out when he was able, but every hour that passed only made him more anxious.

Kylo ran a hand through his hair, looking out the viewport at the dull blues and greens of the wet planet. He could feel Armitage, the brilliance of his presence, their bond, strong and stable, the man seemingly so close and yet still so far. His leg was bouncing as he waited, and waited, and waited. Nearly jumping from his seat, Kylo started pacing again, something he’d been doing on and off since he arrived several hours ago. The durasteel might as well have a long line pitting the metal from his swift back and forth stride wearing it down.

Armitage would undoubtedly scold Kylo for being so impatient. And then Kylo would snap back that if Armitage had kept to the schedule he set in place, Kylo wouldn’t need to be feeling so impatient. Then Armitage would say he never promised an exact time or date, merely that in a month Kylo should return. Kylo would press that it _had_ been a month. Armitage would counter that if he could wait a month, he could survive another day or so, his world could never be quite as exact as Armitage had made it seem at times. They would go on and on until they either reached an impasse or one of them gave in, and it would probably be Kylo since giving in was practically the antithesis of Hux.

Kylo dropped back into his seat, sighing heavily. Stars did he miss arguing with the man, even when it irritated Kylo to the kriffing edge of sanity.

So he would simply have to wait.

Three days later Kylo nearly fell out of bed when he jerked up at the sound of Armitage calling out to him at _0457_ in the _fucking_ morning.

_‘Kylo?’_

_‘Yes! Yeah, I’m here, I’m here! Fuck—’_ Kylo awkwardly managed to untangle himself from his bedsheet after stumbling again.

‘ _Are you alright? I know it’s early.’_

_‘Yeah, no, I’m fine.’_

Kylo could feel Armitage’s incredulity, imagining how he’d have raised one of his pale brows, full lips twisted, but the man said nothing more on it.

_‘I’ve arranged passage on a ship leaving Scaparus around 0515 tomorrow morning. Kylo, calm down. I can feel how eager you are, but no, I won’t be meeting you in orbit.’_

Almost immediately, Kylo frowned. _‘Why not?’_

_‘Because we are **trying** to be inconspicuous here. On the off chance I’m followed we can’t risk anyone knowing your ship.’_

With a loud exhale of frustration, Kylo flopped backward onto his bed. _‘Alright, then what **is** the plan, oh great master strategist?’_

 _‘Don’t be cheeky, Kylo.’_ Armitage’s words were admonishing, but Kylo could hear and sense the underlying fondness in them. _‘The ship will dock in Galactic City on Coruscant.’_

 _‘Fuck, Hux, seriously!?’_ Kylo jerked up as he shouted, then swiftly fell back to the bed with a groan, covering his face with his hands.

_‘Do you have a grudge against every planet in the galaxy?’_

_‘No, but you seem to have a knack for picking out the ones I do,’_ Kylo grumbled into his hands. _‘Why there? Why not somewhere that isn’t all the way in the kriffing Core?’_

_‘Because Coruscant has a population of over one trillion inhabitants, all of which come and go at rates far beyond little wayside planets smugglers tend to use.’_

_‘Your definition of logic is constantly screwing me over, Armitage.’_

_‘Perhaps you need to rethink your own then.’_ The man was most definitely smirking.

They bickered and planned further, right up until Armitage’s scheduled awakening of 0630. Throughout the day Armitage occasionally reached out, but for the most part Kylo was left with silence beyond the ginger’s bright presence.

 

**\--//--**

 

Kylo had been waiting at the port Armitage had specified for well over two hours now. He’d purposely arrived earlier than Armitage’s estimated arrival time, primarily because he was all but vibrating with anticipation. It had been too long, _too long_.

About a half hour ago, Kylo had dropped the ramp down, his eagerness spilling over and nearly smothering his sense of, well, _sense_. He’d told himself it didn’t much matter, he would notice anyone boarding and this way he was better able to get out quickly whenever he felt Armitage approaching.

"Shit!" Kylo jerked his hand back, the snap of electricity shocking him as he worked on his third set of repairs since he’d landed.

Poking around while he sucked on his wounded finger, his scattered thoughts still having difficulties concentrating on any one thing, Kylo suddenly jolted when he noticed the presence of someone so near they had to be on his ship. It didn’t even take a millisecond to register that the brilliant star of an aura was the one he dreamed of. But it _did_ take a minute or two before his brain caught up to itself and he was able to stand. He nearly tripped over his own feet four times on his way to the ramp, and at the entrance to the hold Kylo stopped in his tracks.

Loose hair, ginger and soft looking, dressed casually—and not even expensively so—, pale skin practically glowing even in the low light, was Hux, _Armitage_ , two decent sized bags and a small pack on the floor beside him.

They stared at one another, simply stared, the sound of their breathing the only audible noise as the chaos of the bustling port just beyond the opened hold of the ship seemed to have faded away. Silent static reverberating against the unseen bubble that was surrounding them.

" _Armitage_ ," Kylo finally managed to whisper. He grinned wide and ran for the man, wrapping his arms around him and sweeping him up into a tight embrace, twirling him around in his excitement. "Armitage, Armitage, Armitage," Kylo said over and over, his own sacred mantra.

Armitage chuckled softly at him, the corner of his mouth curled up into a small smile. When Kylo stopped moving, his forearms tucked just under the man’s backside, Armitage cupped Kylo’s face with both hands and leaned down to press their lips together after so long without.

Between kisses, Kylo couldn’t stop himself from murmuring. "You’re here, you’re finally here. My lovely, lovely Armitage."

The ginger drew back just a little and smiled softer than before, the expression more gentle than Kylo had ever seen, than he’d ever thought possible for Armitage. Stroking a thumb along Kylo’s cheek, Armitage pressed another kiss to his lips, tender and chaste.

"I’m home," he whispered, the brush of his full lips feather light as he spoke.

Sobered at the words reminiscent of Kylo’s own from weeks before, Kylo set Armitage down and quickly drew him in close, cradling the man’s face as well, and kissed him deeply, longingly, all his pent up yearning at last being set free. It was so good, so perfect, always so very perfect. As Armitage draped his arms around Kylo’s neck, a hand tangling slender fingers into Kylo’s thick hair and the other gripping his shirt, Kylo pushed gently into Armitage’s mind.

_‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’_

Pulling Kylo even closer, their bodies flush against one another, Armitage sent back a thought laced with pure affection.

__‘_ I love you too.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TADA! There you have it, my first kylux fic. Wherein I broke Hux a little bit. Oops.
> 
> I had been rather anxious about posting this, but all the feedback I’ve gotten for this story, it has been amazing and unexpected and always gave me a smile (◕ᴗ◕✿) I have appreciated it immensely, thank you all very very much <3<3<3
> 
> Also! I will be posting a separate short oneshot piece in this series soon—a kinda sorta pseudo-epilogue—. It was something that came to mind while I was working on the story and after a while I just had to write it to sate my own desires. It’s set a little into the future and from a completely different person’s perspective too ;)
> 
>  
> 
>  _Anyways…_ Any and all forms of love are still very much appreciated!!  <3 <3
> 
>  
> 
> I've seen people say writers should post their tumblrs here...so, uh...here is my [tumblr](http://nonsensicalsoliloquy.tumblr.com). I'm not a kylux blog, but i do reblog the occasional star wars/kylux/domhnall/adam things; i'm also a slow poster, but around quite often. ...yeah?


End file.
